Obaa Yaa
What is the meaning of love?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I AM really disturbed about the new meaning of the word ‘Love’ in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship (not in marriage). I feel love should not be based on sexual intercourse.
What do our men mean when they say to a woman ‘I love you’ and what is our women’s understanding of the response ‘I love you too’?
Personally, I have come to understand that most of the time when a man says he loves a woman, all he means and needs is sexual intercourse, and when a woman responds ‘I love you too,’ she also means marriage.
This small research can be confirmed by Walter Trobisch in his book entitled I Married You.
At this juncture, I would like you to use your column to find out from some of our men and women what they really mean when they say to each other ‘I love you.’
Yaa Baby, Takoradi.
Greetings
Dear Yaa Baby,
I MUST say you are quite right to say that the expression of ‘love’ is beginning to take a different meaning.
People seem to have a motive when they say ‘I love you’ to the opposite sex. It may be that they pretend to love just for sex, marriage, or money.
What this does is that the pledge ‘I love you’ leads more gullible partners to disappointment and hurt, while the deceitful partner may also, in the end, fall into their own trap.
So, with the widespread abuse of the phrase ‘I love you,’ men and women should not hasten to believe anyone who says it to them. Even after starting a relationship with their partners, they must continue to observe their actions to ensure the pledge is genuine, not just words.
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Six months after marriage, I realised my wife had cheated twice. One happened months before marriage and the other happened just two months after marriage. We dated for four years before we got married.
She had saved the name on her phone as Chairman. The conversation between them didn’t happen every day but once they talked, everything was about sex. My wife encouraged every word and even made suggestions as to where to meet.
I want to meet ‘Chairman,’ is it a good or a bad idea?
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
What you have discovered is deeply painful, especially after investing four years of dating and entering marriage with trust, love and commitment. Betrayal in marriage is not only about the physical act, but also the emotional damage, secrecy and broken trust that come with it.
At this point, it is important not to make decisions purely out of anger or revenge. You need clarity, honest and calm conversations. Your wife must first be willing to tell the whole truth and take responsibility for her actions without excuses.
However, before deciding whether to stay or leave, ask yourself some important questions. Is she willing to cut ties completely with this man? Is she ready to rebuild trust through openness and accountability? And most importantly, do you still see a future with her despite the hurt?
Healing from infidelity takes time, patience and sometimes professional counselling. Do not suffer in silence. Speak to a trusted counsellor, pastor or matured family person who can guide both of you wisely.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am 28 years old guy who has been posted as a trained teacher in one of the rural areas in the Central Region.
I didn’t move in with my family because of the nature of my wife’s job.
About two months ago, I befriended one of the students who run errands for me. One thing led to the other and mistakenly had my way with her.
After two weeks, the girl came to tell me that she was pregnant and that I should give her money to terminate the pregnancy because if her parents get to know of it, they would cause my arrest.
This got me disturbed because I might lose [u1] my job.
Upon a second thought, I discussed this with a friend and she told me it might be a plan to extort money from me.
I personally texted her not to terminate the pregnancy but interestingly, I received a response that she has seen her monthly flow.
In fact, I became convinced about what my colleague told me. I want to end the relationship, what should I tell her and what should be my response when my wife hears of it.
Obaa Yaa, please I need an urgent advice.
David, Tema.
Dear David,
Your case is a very simple one. You are even lucky your friend who is much acquainted with the chicanery of the local girls fortunately hinted you and the girl has confirmed it all.
You better quit that relationship and avoid her because she thinks about following you home.
If you haven’t told her you are married, please tell her now.
