Obaa Yaa
She seeks my forgiveness
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am 27 and my girl friend is 22 years old. We have been friends for 10 months now but staying in different towns.
Recently, she came to me and complained that she had been sacked from the house by her father because she had a confrontation with him.
I advised her to stay with me, but was shocked to discover later that she had a boy friend who lived in the same community with her. When l questioned her, she said the gentleman was a former classmate of her elder sister.
l grew furious and threatened to sack her after which she apologised and asked for forgiveness. What action should l take against her?
Kwame , Accra.
Dear Kwame,
It is not advisable to accept somebody’s daughter to stay with you in the house without the knowledge of her parents. What steps would you take in case she falls into trouble? You would put yourself in a serious trouble.
In view of what had transpired between father and daughter, the lady’s father would not be happy to hear that she is staying with you. You should let her go and apologise to her father.
If she is of good character and you are desirous of marrying her, you can forgive her, follow the right steps towards marriage, monitor her movements and advise her to focus on you alone.
As a man, you must help her to overcome her challenges since she is a young lady.
Greetings
Mrs Mary Poku. God has favoured you with the opportunity to celebrate another birthday. We thank God for this wonderful occasion and pray that He will spread His arms around you and guide you all the days of your life.
From: Mr Joseph Kodzo Poku, your lovely husband, Mr Derrick Jessi Poku, Mrs Geraldine Amoabeng, Joseph Tawiah Poku and Richel Atta Poku, your children.
George Anku Kyekye. June 20 marked a memorable day in your life. As we join you to celebrate this day, we pray that God will answer your prayers and give you peace in your heart. Remember that your maker will always keep you under His protection and constant care. Belated happy birthday.
From: Florence, Eric, Allan, Julie and Francis, your siblings and Albert, Deborah, Allan and Loreen, your children.
Ms Joycelyn Agyapong. You recently celebrated your birthday and l would like to use this opportunity to express my endless love for you. May your dreams be fulfilled with much happiness. A belated birthday to you my sweet heart.
From: Eddie.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
