Obaa Yaa
Age difference is disturbing
Obaa Yaa,
I Am 21 years old and a final year student in the university, while he is 38 doing the mandatory National Service.
We were friends for close to two years when one day, he decided to break the silence between us by leading me to the hostel after l had finished lectures.
Though he proposed to me, he was not prepared to answer certain simple questions l asked him.
With time, he became somehow cold towards me for reasons best known to him.
Having moved with him for a couple of years, l have discovered that he is down to earth, respectful, caring, and helps all manner of people in need, and to the best of my knowledge he will be the right husband for me.
Unfortunately, my friends have a different view that the age difference will not be good for both of us to stay as husband and wife.
According to them, they suspect this gentleman to be married, probably having children and could only be interested in having sex with me.
I am surprised by the views of my colleagues and currently having sleepless nights.
What should l do?
Mary- Takoradi.
Dear Mary,
Love knows no bounds and people should be allowed to marry those they really love and are prepared to spend the rest of their lives with.
However, one of the facts which should guide an individual when choosing a spouse is the difference in age.
A few years age difference will not be too much of a bother, but if the difference is about 10 years and more, then people will raise eyebrows.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Before we got married five years ago, my husband told me that his former wife left him shortly after he lost his job following a financial scandal which rocked the company.
But thanks be to God that the court cleared him and ordered the company to pay him for the five years he stayed at home for wrongful dismissal.
As soon as this ex-wife heard that the company had complied with the court’s orders and paid him, she shamelessly declared that she was making a comeback and has vowed to kick me out of my matrimonial home at all cost.
She promised to hire ‘machomen’ to throw my things out of the house and was prepared to bear the consequence for that action.
Even though my husband has assured me that this would never happen, her ex is bent on disturbing my peace.
What should I do?
Adzo,
Tafo.
Dear Bertha,
The lady is threatening to use violence against you. That’s constitutes a breach of the law and she must be reported to the police for issuing those threats.
However, I will advise you to discuss it with your husband so that you are not seen as acting entirely on your own.
As a matter of fact, it is only the police that can handle this matter professionally and must be involved, unless of course your husband talks to his ex-wife to stop harassing you. So have a good discussion with your husband about the matter. All the best.
