Obaa Yaa
Itching to find out if he loves me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have a boyfriend and things have been moving on smoothly with us without sex until recently when I came across a young graduate who has completed his national service and living in the same vicinity with me.
This gentleman looks unfriendly when viewed from afar but he is down- to- earth and loves all people.
Additionally, he is serviceable and ever willing to give a helping hand no matter the type of work.
In view of this, I always call him whenever I am in dire need of assistance and I have taken him as my sibling.
Though he is good to me, he has never proposed to me but keeps on calling me “My love”.
He is such a caring and nice gentleman and my instinct tells me to find out from him whether he is interested in me, but my friends told me not to draw his attention to that because they believe he is doing this from his heart.
I am not convinced because when I checked his messages this evening, he has expressed his appreciation to me for all that I have been doing over the period. I sometimes go to his house and prepare food for him and he appreciates all that I do and tells me he loves me.
I would like to find out from him if he is interested in me because he is the shy-looking type who will always like to keep himself from trouble. When it comes to worse I will simply back out of getting close to him, though he is of immense assistance to me.
My boyfriend too has a lot on his hands so I don’t want to worry him sometimes. What should I do?
Ama, Tema.
Dear Ama,
Some people hardly talk openly express their feelings in public no matter the promptings or temptations that they are confronted with.
Your situation can be likened to an open race type for which you have to study the two gentlemen thoroughly and possibly wait for the opportune time to take decision.
Once you have not received any response from the new gentleman to know his intention or what he feels about you, there is every reason to maintain your composure. Equally essential is the need to be careful with your friends since not everyone will be sincere in the pieces of advice they will give.
Inasmuch as it is important to tread cautiously and let time be a determining factor in this case, you ought to play your cards in a diplomatic manner in order to get the best person out of the two.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a father of two children from my previous marriage.
Unfortunately, the marriage ended because of my ex-wife’s persistent toxic behaviour, which began to affect not only our business but also the emotional well-being of our children. Eventually, the court took notice of the situation and granted me full custody of the children, who are now 13 and 10 years old.
Since then, their mother has been largely absent from their lives. She barely checks on them and once told me, rather bluntly, “Since they mean more to you, don’t look for me again.”
I have done my best to raise them with love, stability, and a sense of security despite her absence.
Recently, I was given a life-changing opportunity to travel abroad for work, with the option to relocate with both children. As part of my preparation, I decided to conduct a DNA test, mainly for personal clarity.
The results have left me deeply shaken.
They revealed that my younger child is not biologically mine, while the older one is.
Now, I find myself in a difficult position. The company offering me employment has structured my benefits based on the number of dependents I declared. One of the children I have listed is, by blood, not mine.
I am confused, hurt, and unsure of the right thing to do both morally and practically.
Obaa Yaa, please, what should I do?
Kenneth, Koforidua.
Dear Kenneth
What you are facing goes beyond DNA. It is about the meaning of fatherhood. For 10 years, you have raised this child with love, care, and responsibility.
That bond is real, and the child is innocent in this situation.
Before making any decision, reflect on whether this new information will truly change how you see or treat the child who has always known you as their father.
On the practical side, consider the legal and employment implications carefully. Since you have full custody, both children are still legally your dependents, and many systems recognise guardianship, not just biology.
However, it would be wise to quietly review your employment terms or seek legal advice to ensure that you are not unintentionally putting yourself at risk, especially with relocation abroad.
Ultimately, this decision is about both compassion and responsibility. Think about the emotional impact on the children and whether separating them would do more harm than good. You have an opportunity to shape their future. Approach it with both wisdom and heart, taking time to decide what kind of father you want to continue to be.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 19-year-old girl living with my father in Accra. About two years ago, my father made sexual advances toward me. Since then, he has continued to harass me, but I have always refused.
I reported the issue to my mother, who lives in the village. However, when I returned to Accra, my father continued his behaviour. Last year, he told me that if I agreed to sleep with him, he would give me anything I wanted.
About six months ago, around midnight, he came to me and said he wanted to marry me because he found me very beautiful and did not want any other man to have me.
I feel deeply disturbed and angry. The thought of this is unbearable, and I have even considered taking my own life because marrying my father is a taboo.
Baaba, Nungua.
Dear Baaba,
Please do not harm yourself. You have done nothing wrong, and you do not deserve this. The person at fault is your father, and he must be held accountable for his actions.
I strongly advise that you leave your father’s house immediately. Do not allow him to stop you. If you have nowhere else to stay, go to your mother in the village for now.
Speak honestly with your mother about what has been happening. Together, inform trusted members of both your father’s and your mother’s families. A family meeting should be arranged so your father can be confronted about his behaviour.
If he denies the allegations, shows no remorse, or threatens you at any point, you must report the matter to the police without delay.
If you return to Accra in the future, do not live with your father again. During the family discussions, arrangements should also be made to ensure your father continues to support you financially until you are able to care for yourself independently.
