Obaa Yaa
Should I accept her back?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We were lovers for a couple of years and things were moving on well for us, a condition which gave us much joy. Encouraged by how things went between us, we planned to seal our relationship with a memorable marriage.
Unfortunately, my lady, with reasons best known to her, became dissatisfied with me, her character suddenly changed towards me and shunned my company a few months ago.
After one year, she entered into another relationship and had a child.
The child is five years old and she has started calling my number frequently to find out how I am doing.
Though we sometimes exchanged pleasantries and talked for some period, I have been very careful not to be enticed by her in any way.
Surprisingly, she has been pleading that she wronged me, adding that I should take her back since she made a mistake by leaving me for another man who has neglected her eventually and got married.
My worry is that she won the hearts of my parents and they wished she was my wife, but they were disappointed at the decision she took.
Though she is out of my way, they occasionally mention her in their conversations, an indication that they still have her in mind. Should I accept her back?
Michael, Kaneshie-Accra.
Dear Michael,
Love strives on many things, including tolerance, perseverance, the willingness to forgive and fruitful conditions.
I am pretty sure your lover might have seen something good in the person who had lured and eventually won her love.
It is good she had the opportunity to study the two of you and has now inferred that you are better than the other man, hence her decision to plead for forgiveness that you take her back.
Do not be in hurry to make a hasty decision in this case since you could be making a mistake. You ought to take your time, seek the consent of your parents since she was in their good books before her abrupt decision to leave you.
Love has deeper meaning and various considerations which must be carefully employed. In view of this, you have to listen to your conscience and go by it.
My conviction is that having known each other very well will provide the mutual understanding which is necessary for your marriage to last.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
