Features
Is anything wrong with single parenting?
The various English dictionaries define Single Parenting as a parent, either father or mother alone, practising and taking responsibility of nurturing children in the absence of another parent. The common causes of single parenting, are divorce, death, underage or early pregnancy, single parent adoption, donor insemination among few others.
Becoming a single parent, is not anything one would have wished or expected in life because the Holy Bible itself talks about dignity in marriage, saying, “At the heart of God’s design for marriage is companionship and intimacy. The biblical picture of marriage, expands into something much broader with the husband and wife relationship, illustrating the relationship between Christ and the Church”.
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT MARRIAGE
The Bible says in Proverbs 3: 3-4 that, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then, you will win favour and good name in the sight of God and man”. Romans Chapter 12 verse 10, says, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourself”.
In effect, marriage is the beginning of the family and is a life-long commitment. It provides an opportunity to grow in selflessness as you serve your wife and children. Marriage is more than a physical union; it is again a spiritual and emotional union. This union mirrors the one between God and His Church. The three gifts in marriage are companionship, passion and purpose.
THE ESSENCE OF MARRIAGE
The question people are often compelled to ask in their minds is: Why did God establish marriage? The answer is quite simple. First of all, marriage is a partnership. In Genesis 2: 18, God said, “It is not good for the man (Adam) to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him”. Sometimes we say, ‘in terms of my life, marrying my man or woman was the greatest thing that ever happened to me”. The second thing is that, marriage is for procreation.
I have decided to take my readers and patrons to the realms of the spiritual world to portray how it is necessary and important to come together as husband and wife as ordained by the Almighty God in the scriptures and why single parenting is a difficult issue to handle in life, even though most of the time, it will not be the cause of people involved.
THE SPECTATOR STORY ABOUT SINGLE MOTHERS
This important topic was as a result of a news article with the headline, “Single mothers have morals, don’t mock them” which was nicely crafted and structured by Dzifa Tetteh Tay, the Tema Regional Correspondent of the New Times Corporation (NTC), in the September 24, 2022, issue of The Spectator Weekend Newspaper. The topic was so interesting that I decided to take a holistic approach to single parenting and what it entails in marital life. For the benefit of those who have not read that news item and also to refresh the minds of my cherished readers and patrons, I will attempt to summarise that piece published in The Spectator.
That story reads in part, “There is a misconception out there that women who are single mothers have questionable moral virtues. As a result of this, there are many families who would not encourage their sons to marry such women or even permit their daughters to associate with them. Sadly, some religious institutions even discriminate against them especially those who had children out of wedlock, tagging them as unworthy, irresponsible or bad mothers”. This is a matter of concern to Mrs. Josephine Alai, the founder of Single Parenting With Purpose (SPWP), a local non- governmental organisation, who had said that, it was time society discarded such mentality, describing it as very unfortunate.
“Our society has not made life easy for a lot of single mothers,”she said, explaining that several reasons accounted for a woman to be a single mother. “Some lost their spouses, others had to run from abusive relationship, some from failed relationships and several others”. Mrs Alai wondered how any of the above reasons could be the woman’s fault, necessitating any name calling.
SYMPATHY AND SUPPORT
Indeed, there are many including this writer who cannot agree more with Mrs Alai’s observation because there are varieties of causes and factors contributing to mothers living as single parents, through no fault of theirs and, therefore, they need not to be blamed. They, rather deserve a lot of sympathy and support which will enable them to make a step further to choose responsible husbands to live together as married couples and to live worthy lives.
Research has indicated that single mothers are not a happy group. Lack of safety net, financial independence has been their biggest challenge. Besides, being the sole breadwinners, they have to take care of their children and manage a home single-handedly. Other than financial challenges, being a single mother is also, emotionally draining and psychologically stressful. More often, children raised by single mothers, are more likely to fare worse on a number of dimensions, including their school fees achievement, social and emotional development, their health and their success in the labour market.
PATIENCE AND LOYALTY
However, it has been established that single mothers are normally patient, committed, loyal and obedient. These mothers have to go deep into their hearts to pull out energy at times when they do not have it to make sure that they satisfy their new ‘catches’ in order to protect their marriages and make them productive in the second experience. It is also on record that many single mothers, have found love, companionship and partnership with good, successful men who respect and care for them and their children.
Indeed, single parenting, can be hard and stressful because you are trying to do everything by yourself and, therefore may feel overwhelmed, tired and stressed out because there is no one else around to help you with things like cooking, or getting children’s clothes and uniforms ready for school. Staying alone, is not anything one would encourage because it takes two to tango. At least sharing a company with your wife or husband in a mutual relationship will prolong the lifespan of couples as it will take away boredom and promote healthy relationships.
MUTUAL RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER
When the Bible refers to wives submitting to their husbands, it essentially means, wives should cultivate an attitude of respect for their husbands. Respect in this context includes, recognition of her husband as legitimate leader. This also applies to husbands who are expected to show love and care for their wives, since these attributes, matter most in good and successful relationship and marriage. Submission in marriage means selflessness, service, accountability and respect for your partner which should be mutual.
The Bible in Ephesians 5: 25 teaches us that husbands should love their wives and teach young women to love their husbands. Again, Titus 2:4, says, “Love in marriage can be deeper and more selfless than in any other relationship. It is this type of love that Jesus expects of His followers and it is the virtue that couples need the most”.
SHOWING LOVE AND CARE FOR SINGLE MOTHERS
Having dilated on this important topic, I believe that people who are castigating and denigrating single mothers, should rather, sympathise with them for their plight and rather help them to overcome the challenges associated with their conditions to make them more cheerful and upright. The single mothers and fathers, especially those who have lost their spouses, should not lose hope, but rather move ahead positively and re-marry to move on with their lives.
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By Charles Neequaye
Features
Tears of Ghanaman, home and abroad
The typical native of Sikaman is by nature a hospitable creature, a social animal with a big heart, a soul full of the milk of earthly goodness, and a spirit too loving for its own comfort.
Ghanaman hosts a foreign pal and he spends a fortune to make him very happy and comfortable-good food, clean booze, excellent accommodation and a woman for the night.
Sometimes the pal leaves without saying a “thank you but Ghanaman is not offended. He’d host another idiot even more splendidly. His nature is warm, his spirit benevolent. That is the typical Ghanaian and no wonder that many African-Americans say, “If you haven’t visited Ghana. Then you’ve not come to Africa.
You can even enter the country without a passport and a visa and you’ll be welcomed with a pot of palm wine.
If Ghanaman wants to go abroad, especially to an European country or the United States, it is often after an ordeal.
He has to doze in a queue at dawn at the embassy for days and if he is lucky to get through to being interviewed, he is confronted by someone who claims he or she has the power of discerning truth from lie.
In short Ghanaman must undergo a lie-detector test and has to answer questions that are either nonsensical or have no relevance to the trip at hand. When Joseph Kwame Korkorti wanted a visa to an European country, the attache studied Korkorti’s nose for a while and pronounced judgment.
“The way I see you, you won’t return to Ghana if I allow you to go. Korkorti nearly dislocated her jaw; Kwasiasem akwaakwa. In any case what had Korkorti’s nose got to do with the trip?
If Ghanaman, after several attempts, manages to get the visa and lands in the whiteman’s land, he is seen as another monkey uptown, a new arrival of a degenerate ape coming to invade civilized society. He is sneered at, mocked at and avoided like a plague. Some landlords abroad will not hire their rooms to blacks because they feel their presence in itself is bad business.
When a Sikaman publisher landed overseas and was riding in a public bus, an urchin who had the impudence and notoriety of a dead cockroach told his colleagues he was sure the black man had a tail which he was hiding in his pair of trousers. He didn’t end there. He said he was in fact going to pull out the tail for everyone to see.
True to his word he went and put his hand into the backside of the bewildered publisher, intent on grabbing his imaginary tail and pulling it out. It took a lot of patience on the part of the publisher to avert murder. He practically pinned the white miscreant on the floor by the neck and only let go when others intervene. Next time too…
The way we treat our foreign guests in comparison with the way they treat us is polar contrasting-two disparate extremes, one totally incomparable to the other. They hound us for immigration papers, deport us for overstaying and skinheads either target homes to perpetrate mayhem or attack black immigrants to gratify their racial madness
When these same people come here we accept them even more hospitably than our own kin. They enter without visas, overstay, impregnate our women and run away.
About half of foreigners in this country do not have valid resident permits and was not a bother until recently when fire was put under the buttocks of the Immigration Service
In fact, until recently I never knew Sikaman had an Immigration Service. The problem is that although their staff look resplendent in their green outfit, you never really see them anywhere. You’d think they are hidden from the public eye.
The first time I saw a group of them walking somewhere, I nearly mistook them for some sixth-form going to the library. Their ladies are pretty though.
So after all, Sikaman has an Immigration Service which I hear is now alert 24 hours a day tracking down illegal aliens and making sure they bound the exit via Kotoka International. A pat on their shoulder.
I am glad the Interior Ministry has also realised that the country has been too slack about who goes out or comes into Sikaman.
Now the Ministry has warned foreigners not to take the country’s commitment to its obligations under the various conditions as a sign of weakness or a source for the abuse of her hospitality.
“Ghana will not tolerate any such abuse,” Nii Okaija Adamafio, the Interior Minister said, baring his teeth and twitching his little moustache. He was inaugurating the Ghana Refugee and Immigration Service Boards.
He said some foreigners come in as tourists, investors, consultants, skilled workers or refugees. Others come as ‘charlatans, adventurers or plain criminals. “
Yes, there are many criminals among them. Our courts have tried a good number of them for fraud and misconduct.
It is time we welcome only those who would come and invest or tour and go back peacefully and not those whose criminal intentions are well-hidden but get exposed in due course of time.
This article was first published on Saturday March 14, 1998
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Features
Decisions have consequences
In this world, it is always important to recognise that every action or decision taken, has consequences.
It can result in something good or bad, depending on the quality of the decision, that is, the factors that were taken into account in the decision making.
The problem with a bad decision is that, in some instances, there is no opportunity to correct the result even though you have regretted the decision, which resulted in the unpleasant outcome.
This is what a friend of mine refers to as having regretted an unregretable regret. After church last Sunday, I was watching a programme on TV and a young lady was sharing with the host, how a bad decision she took, had affected her life immensely and adversely.
She narrated how she met a Caucasian and she got married to him. The white man arranged for her to join him after the marriage and processes were initiated for her to join her husband in UK. It took a while for the requisite documentation to be procured and during this period, she took a decision that has haunted her till date.
According to her narration, she met a man, a Ghanaian, who she started dating, even though she was a married woman.
After a while her documents were ready and so she left to join her husband abroad without breaking off the unholy relationship with the man from Ghana.
After she got to UK, this man from Ghana, kept pressuring her to leave the white man and return to him in Ghana. The white man at some point became a bit suspicious and asked about who she has been talking on the phone with for long spells, and she lied to him that it was her cousin.
Then comes the shocker. After the man from Ghana had sweet talked her continuously for a while, she decided to leave her husband and return to Ghana after only three weeks abroad.
She said, she asked the guy to swear to her that he would take care of both her and her mother and the guy swore to take good care of her and her mother as well as rent a 3-bedroom flat for her. She then took the decision to leave her husband and return to Ghana.
She told her mum that she was returning to Ghana to marry the guy in Ghana. According to her, her mother vigorously disagreed with her decision and wept.
She further added that her mum told her brother and they told her that they were going to tell her husband about her intentions.
According to her, she threatened that if they called her husband to inform him, then she would commit suicide, an idea given to her by the boyfriend in Ghana.
Her mum and brother afraid of what she might do, agreed not to tell her husband. She then told her husband that she was returning to Ghana to attend her Grandmother’s funeral.
The husband could not understand why she wanted to go back to Ghana after only three weeks stay so she had to lie that in their tradition, grandchildren are required to be present when the grandmother dies and is to be buried.
She returned to Ghana; the flat turns into a chamber and hall accommodation, the promise to take care of her mother does not materialise and generally she ends up furnishing the accommodation herself. All the promises given her by her boyfriend, turned out to be just mere words.
A phone the husband gave her, she left behind in UK out of guilty conscience knowing she was never coming back to UK.
Through that phone and social media, the husband found out about his boyfriend and that was the end of her marriage.
Meanwhile, things have gone awry here in Ghana and she had regretted and at a point in her narration, was trying desperately to hold back tears. Decisions indeed have consequences.
NB: ‘CHANGE KOTOKA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT TO KOFI BAAKO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT’
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