Obaa Yaa
Signals are worrying
Dear ObaaYaa,
We have been lovers for five years and hopeful that things will improve to enable us to be married. Our relationship has passed through memorable and rough times, yet we have managed to sustain it till now.
Now that we have planned to marry, certain unpleasant developments are showing up their ugly heads which give me cause to worry.
There are reports from reliable sources that my lady had a child with a classmate but has refused to disclose this information to me despite repeated appeals to her to tell me the truth.
After this report, l have received confirmation from another person which has now given me a free mind to make a definite decision to end the relationship for good.
It is my view that since she has not been faithful to me from the beginning, nothing will convince me that she will change her character when we are married.
Once l have made this decision, I will not stop from carrying it out.
Kwabena-Kasoa,
Dear Kwabena,
Though you have decided to end the relationship, I will urge you not to rely solely on the information received from these two sources, because it is possible the first person who made the disclosure to you could influence the second person to narrate the same story to serve as a confirmation of the earlier one.
What you have to do is to take your time to investigate and avoid making hasty decisions at this crucial time. It will not be out of place to reveal the detailed information you have received about her past life.
It is, indeed, true that as you prepare to marry, you should eliminate all bottlenecks in your relationship and straighten your path.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
