Obaa Yaa
Should we give up on our childlessness?
Dear ObaaYaa,
Our marriage which had received the consent of both families started on a good note which made us to be happy and excited. We were filled with optimism that things would be well after our honeymoon to enable us to enjoy life to its fullest.
Unfortunately, after two years of marriage, we discovered that the much sought-after pregnancy was not forthcoming. Initially, we presumed the delay could be as a result of anxiety and urging from families and friends.
During my wife’s first visit to the hospital, the doctor told her to relax since it was not too late for her to conceive. However, having waited till the seventh year, our patience was beginning to run out and frustration set in.
Several checks conducted at the hospital on both of us have proved that we were capable of giving birth, but it was inexplicable why the delay had persisted all these years.
Having waited almost 10 years in great expectation, we are beginning to throw our hands in despair and see how nature will treat us.
Within this stressful period, l had calls from relatives, friends and associates about the need to marry another woman in order to raise children for the family. In the same vein my wife also had many promptings and pieces of advice from those close to her.
I must indicate that my wife has taken different medications prescribed by different doctors but all to no avail.
As humans, the more we hear such promptings or urgings, the more disturbed we become and this is affecting our trust in God.
We are currently confused and not sure of what to do with our lives as a couple.
Daniel-Accra.
Dear Daniel,
Some couples have serious challenges in their marriages and it takes those who are prayerful, dedicated and spirit-filled to go through trials and difficulties and still remain united.
You ought to be commended for defying the urging from others but standing by each other in these difficult times and hoping against hope.
The point must be made that you are not in this trouble alone since many are also facing similar problems in their marriages, but still moving along.
Having come this far, it is likely your doctor will prescribe other medications to help solve your problem. What you ought to do is to stick to the prescription of the doctor and you will be successful.
You can overcome your problem because l know of a couple who had stayed more than 10 years before the first pregnancy, and this was followed by two others in succession.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
