Obaa Yaa
Should we give up on our childlessness?
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Dear ObaaYaa,
Our marriage which had received the consent of both families started on a good note which made us to be happy and excited. We were filled with optimism that things would be well after our honeymoon to enable us to enjoy life to its fullest.
Unfortunately, after two years of marriage, we discovered that the much sought-after pregnancy was not forthcoming. Initially, we presumed the delay could be as a result of anxiety and urging from families and friends.
During my wife’s first visit to the hospital, the doctor told her to relax since it was not too late for her to conceive. However, having waited till the seventh year, our patience was beginning to run out and frustration set in.
Several checks conducted at the hospital on both of us have proved that we were capable of giving birth, but it was inexplicable why the delay had persisted all these years.
Having waited almost 10 years in great expectation, we are beginning to throw our hands in despair and see how nature will treat us.
Within this stressful period, l had calls from relatives, friends and associates about the need to marry another woman in order to raise children for the family. In the same vein my wife also had many promptings and pieces of advice from those close to her.
I must indicate that my wife has taken different medications prescribed by different doctors but all to no avail.
As humans, the more we hear such promptings or urgings, the more disturbed we become and this is affecting our trust in God.
We are currently confused and not sure of what to do with our lives as a couple.
Daniel-Accra.
Dear Daniel,
Some couples have serious challenges in their marriages and it takes those who are prayerful, dedicated and spirit-filled to go through trials and difficulties and still remain united.
You ought to be commended for defying the urging from others but standing by each other in these difficult times and hoping against hope.
The point must be made that you are not in this trouble alone since many are also facing similar problems in their marriages, but still moving along.
Having come this far, it is likely your doctor will prescribe other medications to help solve your problem. What you ought to do is to stick to the prescription of the doctor and you will be successful.
You can overcome your problem because l know of a couple who had stayed more than 10 years before the first pregnancy, and this was followed by two others in succession.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
