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Obaa Yaa

He has set spies on me

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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I entered a relationship three years ago and things were moving on well and we were happy until recently when problems began to emerge.
Going by the advice of my mother not to fall prey to any man who would make fun of me and ruin my life for good, l tried to keep a distance from men until the one who was genuinely prepared to marry me.
This man has proposed to me and has assured me that he is not married and has no child, but l am afraid because l don’t know much about him and having considered his age, l think he must be hiding something under his sleeves. 
He has given me the assurance that he would officially seek the consent of my parents to marry me. 
However, my concern is, he has set spies on me and they are always checking every step l take and would not give me a breathing space. 

They have wrongly accused me of things l have not done, thereby, giving me a bad image in the eyes of the public.

This has given me the reasonto believe that this man does not trust me and has ridiculed me.

Since the element of trust is non- existent, l would like to end the relationship.
Akos, Accra.

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Dear Akos,

A lasting relationship is normally built on love, trust, tolerance and willingness to forgive the other partner.

It beats my imagination why this gentleman should set spies on you. On the contrary, it could be that this action is in reaction to an issue which might have happened in the past for which he would like to be careful in order to safeguard his interest in you.

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You should let him understand how embarrassed you are about the spies he has set on you. If things continue like this while you are yet to marry, then one can imagine how the future will be if you become a couple.

Secondly, it could be that he is a jealous person who has taken the wrong step by trying to over-protect you through unfaithful friends.

Listen to your conscience and decide on the right action to take in this relationship.

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Obaa Yaa

My Stepfather at ‘war’ with me over my late mother’s house

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a 39-year-old woman and the eldest of four children. My mother died five years ago. Before her death, she owned a house where she lived with my stepfather and my younger siblings. My stepfather had been married to my mother for more than 20 years.

After the death of mother. My stepfather has gone to court, claiming that the house belongs to him. He says he contributed money towards the construction and maintenance of the property and that my mother’s children have no right to interfere with it.

He has even accused me and my siblings of trying to take the house from him.

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I am shocked because my mother was the person who acquired the land and started the building. She also told us several times that the house was meant to remain in the family.

There is no written agreement between my mother and my stepfather about who owns what, and I am worried that this case could divide the family permanently.

My younger siblings are also angry with me because they believe I should fight my stepfather until the house is given to us.

Obaa Yaa, should I fight him in court or try to settle the matter outside court?

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From Frimpongmaa,

Assin Praso.

Dear Frimpongmaa, 

I am sorry you are going through this. A dispute over your late mother’s home can be very painful, especially when it involves your stepfather. Do not give up on the house or sign any document simply because he has sued you. Being sued does not mean that he automatically owns the property.

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Find out exactly what your stepfather is claiming, for example, whether he says the house belongs to him, that he is the beneficiary, or that you have no right to the property.

The court will determine who legally owns the property based on the applicable succession law and the evidence.

The exact answer can change considerably depending on where the house is located, whether your mother left a Will, how she acquired the house, what type of marriage she had with your stepfather, whether there are other children, and the applicable customary/statutory law.

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Obaa Yaa

I can’t meet demands from my husband’s family

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a woman married for over 17 years and blessed with three children.

My father passed away two years ago and left some property to me and my two siblings.

Among the things I inherited was a piece of land and a house which I intend to keep for my children’s future.

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My husband’s family are putting pressure on me to give up the property and allow my husband to take control of it. They are saying that because I am married, anything I inherit should benefit my husband and his family as well.

I have tried to explain that my father deliberately left the property to me, but they accuse me of being selfish and disrespectful to my husband’s family.

I am now confused. I love my husband, but I don’t want to lose what my father worked hard to leave behind.

What should I do?

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Adzo, Ho

Dear Adzo

If the inheritance legally belongs to you, you should not feel pressured to surrender it simply to be at peace with your husband’s family.

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 At the same time, avoid making a rush decision based on anger or fear.

I don’t see the reason why your husband’s family wants to take control of the land.

Keep copies of relevant documents and, if necessary, seek legal advice.

Do not sign any document transferring, renouncing your interest until you fully understand its consequences.

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You should also have a good conversation with your husband. Ask him why his family wants you to hand over your inheritance to them and whether he supports their position.

Remember that family pressure is not the same as a legal obligation. You can respect your husband’s relatives without surrendering something that is rightfully yours.

If you eventually decide to share part of the inheritance, let it be because you genuinely wanted to, not because you were intimidated or emotionally overstretched.

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