Obaa Yaa
He has set spies on me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I entered a relationship three years ago and things were moving on well and we were happy until recently when problems began to emerge.
Going by the advice of my mother not to fall prey to any man who would make fun of me and ruin my life for good, l tried to keep a distance from men until the one who was genuinely prepared to marry me.
This man has proposed to me and has assured me that he is not married and has no child, but l am afraid because l don’t know much about him and having considered his age, l think he must be hiding something under his sleeves.
He has given me the assurance that he would officially seek the consent of my parents to marry me.
However, my concern is, he has set spies on me and they are always checking every step l take and would not give me a breathing space.
They have wrongly accused me of things l have not done, thereby, giving me a bad image in the eyes of the public.
This has given me the reasonto believe that this man does not trust me and has ridiculed me.
Since the element of trust is non- existent, l would like to end the relationship.
Akos, Accra.
Dear Akos,
A lasting relationship is normally built on love, trust, tolerance and willingness to forgive the other partner.
It beats my imagination why this gentleman should set spies on you. On the contrary, it could be that this action is in reaction to an issue which might have happened in the past for which he would like to be careful in order to safeguard his interest in you.
You should let him understand how embarrassed you are about the spies he has set on you. If things continue like this while you are yet to marry, then one can imagine how the future will be if you become a couple.
Secondly, it could be that he is a jealous person who has taken the wrong step by trying to over-protect you through unfaithful friends.
Listen to your conscience and decide on the right action to take in this relationship.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
