Obaa Yaa
Should l go into this marriage?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We became friends after a strange encounter at a gathering when a lady collapsed and we assisted in rushing her to the hospital.
The promptness with which he came to the aid of the lady moved me and from that time, we called often to find out how the other person was doing. Our conversations centred on general welfare issues, old school pranks and anything conceivable that was of interest.
With time, our conversations changed to more intimate matters and l was not surprised when he proposed love to me.
l was initially hesitant to give an outright response since l did not know much about him.
I tried getting a little background information about him since it was suicidal to move into a relationship with next to nothing knowledge about a life-partner, but that was not possible.
Unfortunately, those who were close to him did not know him through and through and this made me to be worried.
Should l go into this marriage?
Mary, Akim Oda.
Dear Mary,
It is necessary and appropriate to step into an unknown future with much trepidation because life is full of uncertainties, surprises and challenges.
Though the description of how the two of you met is quite moving, you ought to be careful since some appearances could be deceptive. People were able to hide certain characteristics and secrets from their partners but this eventually got to the public domain.
You can get information from his close friends, those he works with and in his locality.
The decision you have taken is good though, there are instances one is not able to get any information to guide one’s decision. In such a case one has to accept the proposal and trust God that things will be good.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
