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Why do you want to get married? – Part 3

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•Marriage will not make problems in your relationship disappear

We continue our exploration into the motivations behind the decision to say ‘I do’. In Parts 1 and 2 we have already discussed the influence of age (I’m growing old; therefore, I have to marry), societal pressures (My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry), peer influence (My friends are all marrying; I am the only one who is not yet married), and the desire for a wedding ring (I need to wear a wedding ring too).

In Part 3, we delve into the dynamics of marrying someone you have been with for an extended period of time, the belief that marriage will resolve relationship issues, and the desire to host a big wedding party.

Whether you are joining us for the first time or have been follow ­ing along, let us continue exam ­ining the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words):

5. We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her)

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“We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her)” is one of the common reasons peo ­ple get married to their partners.

This will be a step in the right direction if only you have taken the time to establish whether or not your decision of getting married to that person is the best option for you and your future.

This is important because we have seen so many unhealthy and abusive relationships which have lasted for several years without the couples going their separate ways.

Imagine going ahead to marry the abuser simply because of the years of being together.

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6. If I marry my partner, the problems in our relationship will stop

Know that marriage by itself will not make these problems you are experiencing in your relation­ship disappear.

In fact, these problems almost always get worse after marriage. If there are crucial issues which need to be addressed and resolved, do not sweep them under the carpet in the hopes that they will disappear after you get married.

That scarcely happens if it does at all. Getting married is not the antidote to problems in your rela­tionship.

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You need to talk about all im ­portant issues openly before mar ­riage. Neither the marriage cere­mony nor the marriage itself will eliminate the issues or the effects of your disagreements.

If these issues seem too difficult or threatening to handle alone, then consider booking an appointment with a professional relationship and marriage counsellor, or pastor in certain cases.

Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) is also available to assist couples who are facing such issues in their relationships.

7. I want to host a big wedding reception and party as well

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Although it is not evil or wrong to have a nice wedding reception and party; yet, you must under ­stand that marriage is far weightier than just a party or reception.

Parties are okay and even some ­times fun, but marriage is definite ­ly not just about a day’s event. Marriage is a completely different matter.

It has to do with the rest of your life; every day, all the time, even when you don’t feel like it. Marriage is a serious business. And hopefully it is sometimes fun too, but, truly, weddings have less to do with the marriage itself.

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Relationship

…Tips to mentally prepare your child for the school year

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1. Talk early and often

It is never too early to start talking with and listening to your children about the first day of school. Ask them what they think school will be like and see if they have any specific concerns so that you will have time to address it over the next couple of weeks. It is totally normal to have first day jitters.

2. Go to the orientation

If your child’s school is hosting an orientation or back-to-school night, take advantage of it. Often children are worried that they will not know how to get to the bathroom, where to eat lunch, or how to get to a locker. If your school does not offer one or you are unable to make it, ask the teacher if it would be possible to stop by for a visit. Teachers are usually in their classrooms prepping for the new school year in advance.

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3. Meet the teacher

For kids, wondering if they will like their teacher is a big source of fear. If your child isn’t comfortable in the teacher’s classroom, he or she will be less likely to be ready to learn. Many teachers will make themselves available for a phone or video call or will return an email if a visit is not possible.

4. For younger children, read books or watch educational cartoons

In August, local libraries will often display books about starting school or going to a new school. These materials can help children read about and see what a typical day will consist of and what they will learn in school.

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5. Take your kids shopping with you

Your kids will be more excited to use their back-to-school supplies if they picked them out. Doing so will help them feel prepared and will also provide an opportunity to talk about how the new supplies might be used in the coming year.

6. Set up school “zones” and establish clear expectations

At home, establish a location for school materials such as a place to put backpack and lunchbox, and set up a distraction-free homework zone (like the kitchen table with the TV turned off and phones/tablets put away). Set up homework and study times (for example, Monday–Thursday from 3:30–5 pm) to help manage expectations and build and maintain good routines.

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7. Practice your new routine

Both children and adults can benefit from practicing the new school routine one to two weeks before school actually starts. Stage a morning dry run to see how long it takes you and your children to get out of the door in the morning. It will not only help you predict how early you and your kids need to get up, but your children will benefit from learning what to expect each weekday.

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…tips for building a good parent-teacher relationship

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Having a good relationship with your child’s teacher will make it easier for you to share concerns and work together to help your child thrive. Here are some tips for building a partnership. Here are some tips to help parents build a good relationship with their child’s teacher.

1. Meet with the teacher and staff early

Teachers are usually swamped at the start of the school year. But try to meet as soon as the teacher can. At your first meeting, find out how the teacher prefers to communicate it can be either by phone, email, or some other method.

2. Help the teacher get to know your child.

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Sharing information is key to a good parent-teacher relationship. Tell the teacher about your child’s interests, strengths, and challenges. If your child has an special need, make the teacher a aware, and let the him or her know about situations outside of school that might impact your child’s learning or behaviour.

3. Be respectful of the teacher’s time.

Be on time for appointments, whether they are phone calls, video meetings, or parent-teacher conferences. Try to wrap things up within the allotted time. The teacher may have other parents scheduled after you or other meetings and commitments. You can always set up another call to finish up.

4. Recognise the teacher’s efforts.

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If you are meeting in the classroom, look for displays of students’ work or teaching materials that you can compliment. If you are somewhere else, start things off with a positive statement, like something your child enjoys about the teacher’s class. 

5. Never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child.

Showing your respect for a teacher will set a good example for your child.

6. Participate in school events.

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Take part in school events when possible. This shows that you’re part of the school community and want to be supportive. Offer to volunteer in a way that works for you, whether it’s at school or at home on your own time.

7. Say “thank you.”

Show your appreciation for the big or little things the teacher and other staff do for your child. Thank-you notes and emails can go a long way toward building positive relationships.

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