Relationship
Why do you want to get married? – Part 3
We continue our exploration into the motivations behind the decision to say ‘I do’. In Parts 1 and 2 we have already discussed the influence of age (I’m growing old; therefore, I have to marry), societal pressures (My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry), peer influence (My friends are all marrying; I am the only one who is not yet married), and the desire for a wedding ring (I need to wear a wedding ring too).
In Part 3, we delve into the dynamics of marrying someone you have been with for an extended period of time, the belief that marriage will resolve relationship issues, and the desire to host a big wedding party.
Whether you are joining us for the first time or have been follow ing along, let us continue exam ining the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words):
5. We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her)
“We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her)” is one of the common reasons peo ple get married to their partners.
This will be a step in the right direction if only you have taken the time to establish whether or not your decision of getting married to that person is the best option for you and your future.
This is important because we have seen so many unhealthy and abusive relationships which have lasted for several years without the couples going their separate ways.
Imagine going ahead to marry the abuser simply because of the years of being together.
6. If I marry my partner, the problems in our relationship will stop
Know that marriage by itself will not make these problems you are experiencing in your relationship disappear.
In fact, these problems almost always get worse after marriage. If there are crucial issues which need to be addressed and resolved, do not sweep them under the carpet in the hopes that they will disappear after you get married.
That scarcely happens if it does at all. Getting married is not the antidote to problems in your relationship.
You need to talk about all im portant issues openly before mar riage. Neither the marriage ceremony nor the marriage itself will eliminate the issues or the effects of your disagreements.
If these issues seem too difficult or threatening to handle alone, then consider booking an appointment with a professional relationship and marriage counsellor, or pastor in certain cases.
Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) is also available to assist couples who are facing such issues in their relationships.
7. I want to host a big wedding reception and party as well
Although it is not evil or wrong to have a nice wedding reception and party; yet, you must under stand that marriage is far weightier than just a party or reception.
Parties are okay and even some times fun, but marriage is definite ly not just about a day’s event. Marriage is a completely different matter.
It has to do with the rest of your life; every day, all the time, even when you don’t feel like it. Marriage is a serious business. And hopefully it is sometimes fun too, but, truly, weddings have less to do with the marriage itself.
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
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SHE did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number—not his—and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
In my therapy/counselling office in Accra, week after week, I sit with couples whose marriages are not broken by infidelity, but by invoices. If you ask me what is quietly killing Ghanaian marriages today, I will tell you without blinking: it is not that love has died; it is that money honesty never lived.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counselor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
Why do Ghanaian partners hide money?
From my clinical observation, it is not always wickedness. It is often woundedness.
1. The fear of losing power: Especially for men, money is seen as power. “If she knows how much I have, she will control me or disrespect me.” So he hides.
2. Family entanglement: “If my wife knows I give my mother GH¢1,500 every month, there will be trouble.” So he creates a second MoMo account. Many Ghanaian marriages have three accounts—his, hers, and the secret family one.
3. Past trauma: A woman who grew up in a home where her mother begged for chop money will never be honest about her savings. She is not greedy. She is scared. She is saving for her survival.
4. Debt shame: In Ghana today, with easy access to Qwikloan, Fido, and bank salary loans, many young men and women enter marriage already drowning in debt. They hide it because they feel, “If I tell him/her, they won’t marry me.”
So the hiding begins. And that is where the insurance lapses.
The 3 Devastating Prices You Pay For Financial Secrecy
Research from Kansas State University found that arguments about money are the number one predictor of divorce, more than arguments about children, in-laws, or sex. Why? Because money arguments are never about money. They are about trust, respect, and security.
Price 1: It destroys trust faster than infidelity.
When you discover your spouse has a secret child, you are hurt. When you discover your spouse has a secret debt that loan officers are now chasing YOU for, you feel betrayed and foolish. Clients tell me, “Counselor, I can forgive cheating, but I cannot forgive that he made me look like a fool at the bank.”
Price 2: It creates chronic anxiety in your home.
A home where money is a mystery is a home where no one sleeps well. The wife is always checking his phone not for other women, but for loan alerts. The husband is always anxious when his wife says, “Can we talk?” You cannot have intimacy where there is financial anxiety.
Price 3: It teaches your children to lie.
Children are watching. When daddy says, “Tell anyone who calls that I am not around because of money,” you are teaching your son that lying about money is normal. We are raising a generation of financially dishonest partners.
