Relationship
Things you shouldn’t do at the beginning of a relationship
The beginning of a relationship is one of the most exhilarating moments for a couple. It is okay to be all over each other, but avoid letting your excitement ruin a blossoming romance.
It is normal to feel excited and hopeful of the future your relationship may have. But here are few things you should avoid doing in a blossoming relationship.
1. Playing hard to get
While it’s always best not to be too ‘available’ for your new boyfriend, it’s not a good thing to play hard to get. Your boyfriend will surely notice it, and it won’t make a good impression on him.
So, if you’re not busy, answer his text messages or calls. If you are available for a date when he asks, say yes. Just be honest, and stay between being easy and playing hard to get to make sure the relationship moves smoothly.
2. Being too clingy and needy
Since your relationship is new and you don’t know much about your new guy yet, it’s only natural to want to spend every waking moment with him. You want to get to know him, and you’re hungry for his presence and all the things that attracted you to him in the first place.
However, your boyfriend needs to breathe and do things on his own. Even if he likes you, he still has to have time for himself. He can’t be with you 24/7, so don’t pressure him into spending every moment with you.
Let him do his thing, and you’ll be amazed at how he’ll want to be with you more because you’re not suffocating him.
3. Being too jealous and possessive
Your boyfriend will likely have friends of the opposite sex who he still sees and talks to. Don’t prevent him from doing so because it’s inappropriate. You don’t want him to think that you’re the crazy girlfriend, right?
Don’t be jealous of these friends, because before you became his girlfriend, they were there for him and were his friends already. You probably also have friends of the opposite sex who you don’t wish to ditch for your new boyfriend. Be understanding and know your boundaries.
4. Expecting your boyfriend to read your mind
It’s easy to assume that your new guy knows what’s going on inside that mind of yours, but he doesn’t. This is why you should never expect him to be a mind reader. You have to communicate your expectations and needs to him, and he should do the same thing so that the relationship can flourish.
If you always expect him to know exactly what you need, you’ll be in for disappointment.
5. Lying
The problem with lying at the beginning is that it all starts with a small lie. To cover up that lie, you’ll be forced to make another lie until such time that you have to lie constantly so that you don’t get caught in the previous lies.
This is something your new partner does not deserve, so don’t make them suffer because of your issues. Be honest because they deserve the truth.
6. Talking about the future constantly
You just started dating so initiating talks about the future, like moving in together or settling down, is just inappropriate. While it’s something that can warm the heart of your significant other (given the affection you evidently have for him), it can also place unnecessary pressure on him (because he may not feel the same way just yet).
So, don’t ‘scare’ him away by this kind of talk. Just enjoy the ride. You can talk about how many kids you’ll have and when you want to start a family with him when the right time comes.
7. Losing your sense of self
Often, people stop pursuing their passions when they enter a new relationship. Even if you want to spend all your time with your partner, find time to do what makes you happy and fulfills you as a person.
8. Ignoring signs of trouble
If your partner shows any signs that he may have violent tendencies, do not shrug them off. Be sure to keep your eyes open and look for other signs that will confirm that he has issues.
It’s easier to walk away when you haven’t fallen in love with him yet than when you’ve already given him your all.
- Relategist.com
Relationship
Tips to improve family relationships
There is nothing like family. The people that are related by blood and marriage are expected to be our closest allies, greatest sources of love and support.
Too often, however, interactions with family are filled with misunderstanding and resentment, bickering and badgering.
Here are some tips to help bring family members closer
Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else. The more demanding of your time your family is, the more you need to fit in exercise. Perhaps you and your family can seek out ways to exercise together.
1. Listen if you expect to be heard. Lack of communication is the loudest complaint in most families. The answer to “Why won’t they listen to me?” may be simply “You’re not listening to them.”
2. Teach emotional choice. Manage your moods by letting all feelings be OK, but not all behaviours. Model behavior that respects and encourages the feelings and rights of others yet make it clear that we have a choice about what to do with what we feel.
3. Teach generosity by receiving as well as giving. Giving and receiving are parts of the same loving continuum. If we don’t give, we find it hard to receive, and if we can’t receive, we don’t really have much to give. This is why selflessness carried to extremes is of little benefits to others.
4. Take responsibility for what you communicate silently. The very young and old are especially sensitive to nonverbal cues. More than our words, tone of voice, posture (body language), and facial expressions convey our feelings. We have to listen to our tone of voice and look at ourselves in pictures and in the mirror to assess our emotional congruency. Loving words coming through clenched teeth don’t feel loving—they feel confusing.
5. Don’t try to solve problems for your loved ones. Caring for your family doesn’t mean taking charge of their problems, giving unsolicited advice, or protecting them from their own emotions. Let them know their own strengths and allow them to ask you for what they need.
6. Make a lasting impression through actions. Your values will be communicated by your actions, no matter what you say. Be an example, not a nag.
7. Acknowledge your errors to everyone, including younger family members. Saying you’re sorry when you hurt someone you love, models humility and emotional integrity. You can demonstrate that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn at any age. Apologising proves you can forgive yourself and makes it easier to forgive others.
8. Discover what each person’s unique needs are. You can’t assume that your grandmother needs the same signs of love as your three-year-old or that either one will have the same needs next year. When in doubt, ask!
9. Be generous in expressing love. Everyone in a family (especially young children) needs the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, and looks. Those who demand the least emotional attention may need it most.
Relationship
Building trust in relationships and marriages
Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble.
As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?
How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?
Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish.
Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.
Signs of trust issues
So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:
– Suspicion and jealousy
– Defensiveness and accusations
– Lack of communication or withholding information
– Dishonesty or hiding the truth
– Emotional distance or disconnection
How to build trust
Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:
1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.
2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.
3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.
4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.
5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.
Rebuilding trust
If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:
1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.
2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.
3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.
4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.
Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
