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Spiritual implications of divorce

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Divorce has significant spiritual ramifications, affecting not only the couple but also their children and extended family members. For individuals grounded in faith, mar­riage is often considered a covenant blessed by God. Thus, divorce can challenge personal beliefs, shake the spiritual foundations of those involved, and create a lasting impact on the religious aspects of their lives (Lambert, 2014).

a. Weakening of spiritual foun­dation

Termination of marriage can se­verely shake the spiritual foundation of both spouses and their children. For many Christians, marriage is a union ordained by God, making its dissolu­tion deeply troubling. The emotional pain, confusion, and self-doubt that come with divorce can cause people to question their faith, creating a sense of spiritual disconnection. According to Thomas and Sawhill (2002), individuals who undergo divorce frequently report feeling spiritually uprooted and distant from their beliefs, which can make it difficult to find peace and solace in religious practices.

b. Struggle with forgiveness

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One of the core tenets of Christi­anity and many other faiths is forgive­ness. Divorce, especially if caused by betrayals or abuse, challenges this val­ue, resulting in bitterness and resent­ment (Lambert, 2014). Both partners may struggle with forgiveness—wheth­er it is forgiving each other, forgiving themselves, or even forgiving others involved in the process, such as family members or friends who took sides. This inability to forgive can create a lingering sense of guilt, further complicating the healing process and obstructing spiritual growth.

c. Conflict with biblical teach­ings

For many Christians, marriage is a lifelong commitment, underpinned by scriptures that discourage divorce. The Bible, for example, states in Matthew 19:6 (NIV): “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Divorce presents an internal conflict with these teachings on the sanctity of marriage and the permanence of vows, often leaving individuals feeling ashamed or guilty for “breaking” a sacred vow. This can trigger emotional turmoil as individuals try to reconcile their decision with their religious val­ues (Lambert, 2014).

d. Impact on prayer and wor­ship

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The emotional toll of divorce affects the ability of the spouse and children to engage in prayer and worship. Feelings of unworthiness, guilt, or abandonment may hinder individuals from fully participating in communal worship or private devotion (Amato & Previti, 2003). Studies sug­gest that religiously active individuals going through divorce may feel distant from their spiritual community—lead­ing to lower levels of participation in religious practices (Kreider, 2020). This alienation can exacerbate the emotional and spiritual pain, creating a barrier between the individual and their faith.

e. Sense of abandonment and spiritual isolation

The breakdown of a marriage can instill a sense of abandonment, not only from the former spouse but also from God. People may question why they had to endure the pain of separa­tion and may feel that God has aban­doned them. This spiritual isolation may contribute to a crisis of faith, as individuals may grapple with feelings of being forsaken. A study on faith and marital dissolution in the USA found that 29 per cent of divorces reported a temporary or permanent decline in their belief in divine support during and after the process (Lambert, 2014).

f. Difficulty in finding spiritual healing

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Divorce complicates the process of spiritual healing. The deep wounds left by the end of a marriage can create an inner sense of failure—making it challenging for individuals to accept God’s forgiveness or feel worthy of divine love. This can obstruct ef­forts toward spiritual restoration and growth, making it difficult for those involved to achieve peace. Research shows that people who participate in regular faith-based support groups or counselling programmes tend to recov­er more effectively from the spiritual and emotional scars left by divorce (Kreider, 2020).

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OF­FEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https://counsel­orprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-coun­seling-psych

https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist

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https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website

COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAIN­ING INSTITUTE)

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…Tips to mentally prepare your child for the school year

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1. Talk early and often

It is never too early to start talking with and listening to your children about the first day of school. Ask them what they think school will be like and see if they have any specific concerns so that you will have time to address it over the next couple of weeks. It is totally normal to have first day jitters.

2. Go to the orientation

If your child’s school is hosting an orientation or back-to-school night, take advantage of it. Often children are worried that they will not know how to get to the bathroom, where to eat lunch, or how to get to a locker. If your school does not offer one or you are unable to make it, ask the teacher if it would be possible to stop by for a visit. Teachers are usually in their classrooms prepping for the new school year in advance.

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3. Meet the teacher

For kids, wondering if they will like their teacher is a big source of fear. If your child isn’t comfortable in the teacher’s classroom, he or she will be less likely to be ready to learn. Many teachers will make themselves available for a phone or video call or will return an email if a visit is not possible.

4. For younger children, read books or watch educational cartoons

In August, local libraries will often display books about starting school or going to a new school. These materials can help children read about and see what a typical day will consist of and what they will learn in school.

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5. Take your kids shopping with you

Your kids will be more excited to use their back-to-school supplies if they picked them out. Doing so will help them feel prepared and will also provide an opportunity to talk about how the new supplies might be used in the coming year.

6. Set up school “zones” and establish clear expectations

At home, establish a location for school materials such as a place to put backpack and lunchbox, and set up a distraction-free homework zone (like the kitchen table with the TV turned off and phones/tablets put away). Set up homework and study times (for example, Monday–Thursday from 3:30–5 pm) to help manage expectations and build and maintain good routines.

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7. Practice your new routine

Both children and adults can benefit from practicing the new school routine one to two weeks before school actually starts. Stage a morning dry run to see how long it takes you and your children to get out of the door in the morning. It will not only help you predict how early you and your kids need to get up, but your children will benefit from learning what to expect each weekday.

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…tips for building a good parent-teacher relationship

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Having a good relationship with your child’s teacher will make it easier for you to share concerns and work together to help your child thrive. Here are some tips for building a partnership. Here are some tips to help parents build a good relationship with their child’s teacher.

1. Meet with the teacher and staff early

Teachers are usually swamped at the start of the school year. But try to meet as soon as the teacher can. At your first meeting, find out how the teacher prefers to communicate it can be either by phone, email, or some other method.

2. Help the teacher get to know your child.

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Sharing information is key to a good parent-teacher relationship. Tell the teacher about your child’s interests, strengths, and challenges. If your child has an special need, make the teacher a aware, and let the him or her know about situations outside of school that might impact your child’s learning or behaviour.

3. Be respectful of the teacher’s time.

Be on time for appointments, whether they are phone calls, video meetings, or parent-teacher conferences. Try to wrap things up within the allotted time. The teacher may have other parents scheduled after you or other meetings and commitments. You can always set up another call to finish up.

4. Recognise the teacher’s efforts.

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If you are meeting in the classroom, look for displays of students’ work or teaching materials that you can compliment. If you are somewhere else, start things off with a positive statement, like something your child enjoys about the teacher’s class. 

5. Never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child.

Showing your respect for a teacher will set a good example for your child.

6. Participate in school events.

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Take part in school events when possible. This shows that you’re part of the school community and want to be supportive. Offer to volunteer in a way that works for you, whether it’s at school or at home on your own time.

7. Say “thank you.”

Show your appreciation for the big or little things the teacher and other staff do for your child. Thank-you notes and emails can go a long way toward building positive relationships.

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