Relationship
Some helpful New Year’s resolutions for couples (final)
Endeavour to achieve your resolutions copy
[Continued from last week]
Look for solutions to arguments.
Do your arguments get heated? One of the ways that couples may exacerbate their disagreements is by bringing other topics into the conversation. Stay on point. Rather than allowing a small issue to blow up, look for a solution that works for both of you.
I often see couples argue the same points, It’s worth seeing if you are missing important issues. For instance, one friend’s partner is upset about coming to a messy home while the friend feels that he is being fussy. What she is missing is that they probably have different values. When she dismisses this value, he feels disrespected. The solution may be to work out a way the housework is easier for both of them.
Share your triumphs with them.
Picture the scene: Your manager calls you into their office and offers you a promotion. It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for all year. You’re over the moon. Once you leave their office, who is the first person you text? It might be your parents or even your best friend. If you’re leaving your partner out of the loop, though, that could be a problem.
We can take our partners for granted or not share important information with them. If we don’t prioritise our partner, this will be destructive to the connection. It can leave it open for them to meet someone who is more interested in them.
Plan a vacation together.
When was the last time you and your partner got away from the hum-drum of everyday life? If you can’t recall your last break, call up the travel agents. Taking weekends away or breaks can help couples begin to love, laugh, and have sex again.
Of course, this needs to be done in a way that works for you. You could even take a break in your own home and plan walks, time in bed, a massage while turning off your phones. The message to your partner is clear: you are important to me. I know marriages that have become revitalised by weekends away.”
Find some mutual friends.
Date nights are all well and good, but sometimes you might prefer hanging out in a group setting. That’s where mutual friends slide neatly into your social life. Believe it or not, having a bunch of people who know you as a couple could strengthen your connection.
Couples can suffer from shame especially if there are any difficulties with family acceptance or feelings about not being good enough. But mutual friends can promote the best in you both. You have a certain energy as a couple and it can be healing to have that love appreciated and recognised.
Show some gratitude to each other.
Taking your partner for granted? If you’ve been together for a long time, you may forget to show how much you appreciate your other half. The daily grind, worries, and your hectic social life can all get in the way of letting your partner know that you value them.
You can start small. Even one specific appreciation expressed daily can change the atmosphere of your connection. Sure, you might not believe every word you’re saying at first, but give it time. “Try it out. Of course, this works better if you truly mean it but it’s always good to start the practice anyway.”
Let go of old grudges.
Out with the old, in with the new—that should be your mantra this year. If you’re holding on to grudges from previous years, do both yourself and your partner a favour. Figure out how you can let them go. Moving on isn’t always straightforward but it’s sure to enhance your bond.
Resentment pollutes the atmosphere between people. We often can’t simply forgive and may need to be heard by the other. Find a way of releasing past pain. You can start by getting in touch with your feelings and writing about them, seeing a counsellor, or expressing them to someone you trust.
Source: “http://www.brides.com”
Relationship
Tips to improve family relationships
There is nothing like family. The people that are related by blood and marriage are expected to be our closest allies, greatest sources of love and support.
Too often, however, interactions with family are filled with misunderstanding and resentment, bickering and badgering.
Here are some tips to help bring family members closer
Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else. The more demanding of your time your family is, the more you need to fit in exercise. Perhaps you and your family can seek out ways to exercise together.
1. Listen if you expect to be heard. Lack of communication is the loudest complaint in most families. The answer to “Why won’t they listen to me?” may be simply “You’re not listening to them.”
2. Teach emotional choice. Manage your moods by letting all feelings be OK, but not all behaviours. Model behavior that respects and encourages the feelings and rights of others yet make it clear that we have a choice about what to do with what we feel.
3. Teach generosity by receiving as well as giving. Giving and receiving are parts of the same loving continuum. If we don’t give, we find it hard to receive, and if we can’t receive, we don’t really have much to give. This is why selflessness carried to extremes is of little benefits to others.
4. Take responsibility for what you communicate silently. The very young and old are especially sensitive to nonverbal cues. More than our words, tone of voice, posture (body language), and facial expressions convey our feelings. We have to listen to our tone of voice and look at ourselves in pictures and in the mirror to assess our emotional congruency. Loving words coming through clenched teeth don’t feel loving—they feel confusing.
5. Don’t try to solve problems for your loved ones. Caring for your family doesn’t mean taking charge of their problems, giving unsolicited advice, or protecting them from their own emotions. Let them know their own strengths and allow them to ask you for what they need.
6. Make a lasting impression through actions. Your values will be communicated by your actions, no matter what you say. Be an example, not a nag.
7. Acknowledge your errors to everyone, including younger family members. Saying you’re sorry when you hurt someone you love, models humility and emotional integrity. You can demonstrate that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn at any age. Apologising proves you can forgive yourself and makes it easier to forgive others.
8. Discover what each person’s unique needs are. You can’t assume that your grandmother needs the same signs of love as your three-year-old or that either one will have the same needs next year. When in doubt, ask!
9. Be generous in expressing love. Everyone in a family (especially young children) needs the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, and looks. Those who demand the least emotional attention may need it most.
Relationship
Building trust in relationships and marriages
Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble.
As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?
How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?
Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish.
Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.
Signs of trust issues
So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:
– Suspicion and jealousy
– Defensiveness and accusations
– Lack of communication or withholding information
– Dishonesty or hiding the truth
– Emotional distance or disconnection
How to build trust
Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:
1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.
2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.
3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.
4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.
5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.
Rebuilding trust
If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:
1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.
2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.
3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.
4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.
Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
