Obaa Yaa
Should l take her back after years of separation?
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Dear ObaaYaa,
We got married and stayed under the same roof for six years during which God blessed us with two children. Though financial problems hit us hard, the delivery of the children, surprisingly, brought joy into the family.
As the head of the family, l ensured that the basic needs of the family were provided and life went on smoothly despite the hardships we went through.
All along, my wife complained about the harsh economic challenges that the family experienced. But despite the assurances l gave that things would be better, l realised that she was not satisfied with my explanation.
After a brief misunderstanding between us one day, my wife threatened to leave me and the children. Exactly a month after she had issued that threat, another quarrel ensued and she packed her things and left the house.
Five years after, she has returned and pleading that l should take her back.
Having considered the toil and pain that l had single-handedly gone through to cater for the children without her calling or coming round to find out how her children fared was unpardonable.
When l come to think about it, l get sick, worried and very angry about the sort of treatment meted out to us.
Surprisingly, we are both not married. What should l do?
Joseph- Takoradi.
Dear Joseph,
I thank God for the life of your family, especially having taken you and your children through these difficult moments of trials, frustrations and deprivations to reach this stage.
Additionally, you ought to be commended for the ability to withstand the problems associated with single-parenting. I am pretty sure many people would have given you bits and pieces of advice from time to time as regards the sort of action to take in order to address the problem.
Impressed with your spirit of resilience and the love that you have for your children, l have the feeling that you are capable of moving mountains and making things work to perfection.
There is no human perfection on earth and there were occasions that people lost their temper and misbehaved without considering the consequences.
Your former wife allowed anger to take the better part of her, and having come back to her senses, she is pleading for forgiveness. Christians should remember that though sinners, Christ died for their sins, a gesture they do not deserve. So you must also forgive your wife and accept her back for the sake of the children and for the fact that you are both single.
A CEO visited his office and saw a man who was scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?”
The man replied, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.”
The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?”
Man, “$1000”
The CEO counted $2000 and gave it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!”
The man silently took the money and left.
CEO walked up to the reception, “By the way, who was this guy?”
The receptionist said, “Pizza delivery”.
I didn’t understand why my father abandoned me as a child until he appeared recently and told me my mom placed a curse on him.
I was about thirteen or fifteen, my mom took me to the front of a big house and told me that is where I belong.
I knocked the door and the man sacked me from the house to go back to my mother.
Life with my mother was very tough until God came through for me to gain a scholarship.
Years later, I’d returned from abroad when this man walked up to me apologising.
I take care of him and provide him with everything. He needs my attention but I doubt if he will get that from me because he didn’t take care of me.
Jojo, USA.
Dear Jojo,
This is such a heart breaking story. No child deserves to grow up wondering why a parent was absent or feeling abandoned.
If your father’s explanation is true, the responsibility for leaving you still rests with him. A curse, fear, or conflict with your mother may explain his decisions, but it does not excuse abandoning his child.
Parents have a duty to love, protect, and remain present in their children’s lives, regardless of the problems between them.
Now that he has returned, it is reasonable to listen to what he has to say, but you do not have to accept everything without question. Ask him honest questions about why he stayed away for so many years, why he never tried to reach you, and what he hopes to achieve by reconnecting now. His willingness to take responsibility for his choices is more important than the explanation he gives.
At the same time, try not to carry the burden of your parents’ conflict. Whatever happened between them was their issue, not yours. You were an innocent child who deserved the love and presence of both parents.
If you choose to rebuild a relationship with your father, let it happen gradually. Trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you decide not to have a close relationship with him, that is also your right. Forgiveness, if you choose it, should be for your own peace of mind, not because you are obligated to overlook the pain you experienced.
Most importantly, remember that your worth was never determined by your father’s absence. His choices reflect his decisions, not your value as a person.
The past cannot be changed, but how you respond now can help you find healing and peace.
