Obaa Yaa
Should l take her back after years of separation?
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Dear ObaaYaa,
We got married and stayed under the same roof for six years during which God blessed us with two children. Though financial problems hit us hard, the delivery of the children, surprisingly, brought joy into the family.
As the head of the family, l ensured that the basic needs of the family were provided and life went on smoothly despite the hardships we went through.
All along, my wife complained about the harsh economic challenges that the family experienced. But despite the assurances l gave that things would be better, l realised that she was not satisfied with my explanation.
After a brief misunderstanding between us one day, my wife threatened to leave me and the children. Exactly a month after she had issued that threat, another quarrel ensued and she packed her things and left the house.
Five years after, she has returned and pleading that l should take her back.
Having considered the toil and pain that l had single-handedly gone through to cater for the children without her calling or coming round to find out how her children fared was unpardonable.
When l come to think about it, l get sick, worried and very angry about the sort of treatment meted out to us.
Surprisingly, we are both not married. What should l do?
Joseph- Takoradi.
Dear Joseph,
I thank God for the life of your family, especially having taken you and your children through these difficult moments of trials, frustrations and deprivations to reach this stage.
Additionally, you ought to be commended for the ability to withstand the problems associated with single-parenting. I am pretty sure many people would have given you bits and pieces of advice from time to time as regards the sort of action to take in order to address the problem.
Impressed with your spirit of resilience and the love that you have for your children, l have the feeling that you are capable of moving mountains and making things work to perfection.
There is no human perfection on earth and there were occasions that people lost their temper and misbehaved without considering the consequences.
Your former wife allowed anger to take the better part of her, and having come back to her senses, she is pleading for forgiveness. Christians should remember that though sinners, Christ died for their sins, a gesture they do not deserve. So you must also forgive your wife and accept her back for the sake of the children and for the fact that you are both single.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
