Obaa Yaa
Should l marry his friend?
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
We have been married for two years and were happy from the beginning.
At that time, my happiness was the utmost desire of my husband but suddenly he began to disassociate himself from anything that concerns my happiness.
I am a pharmacist and my husband works at a reputable company.
Though my husband is very supportive and hardworking, his current behaviour has started to affect me greatly, and I am beginning to lose interest in him.
I met this new friend who has shown interest in me and does everything possible to make sure that I am always happy.
I am beginning to develop feelings and affections for him, and even considering to marry him so that I can achieve my happiness.
Should I go ahead and marry him or I should wait for my husband with the hope that he will change?
Roberta, Accra
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Dear Roberta,
There is no situation that is permanent in this world so you must be prepared to accept the fact that people can change over time.
Since your husband was very supportive, loving and caring from the beginning but has suddenly changed, you must be sincere to yourself and find out whether your behaviour has caused him to change.
Though your friend has been good to you and ensured that you are happy, that should not lead to marriage.
So far as you are still married to your husband, you will compound your problem if you go ahead and marry this gentleman.
First of all, it will destroy the relationship between the three of you.
What is the guarantee that the love this gentleman is expressing will last? Have you forgotten how your husband loved you at the beginning of your relationship?
Do not take any hasty decision because you can’t tell what will happen in future.
Your husband could change while this gentleman could be a pretender, an opportunist or something else.
A pretender will exhibit his true character when he gets what he is looking for.
Kindly hold onto what you have, no matter how bad it may look.
A CEO visited his office and saw a man who was scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?”
The man replied, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.”
The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?”
Man, “$1000”
The CEO counted $2000 and gave it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!”
The man silently took the money and left.
CEO walked up to the reception, “By the way, who was this guy?”
The receptionist said, “Pizza delivery”.
I didn’t understand why my father abandoned me as a child until he appeared recently and told me my mom placed a curse on him.
I was about thirteen or fifteen, my mom took me to the front of a big house and told me that is where I belong.
I knocked the door and the man sacked me from the house to go back to my mother.
Life with my mother was very tough until God came through for me to gain a scholarship.
Years later, I’d returned from abroad when this man walked up to me apologising.
I take care of him and provide him with everything. He needs my attention but I doubt if he will get that from me because he didn’t take care of me.
Jojo, USA.
Dear Jojo,
This is such a heart breaking story. No child deserves to grow up wondering why a parent was absent or feeling abandoned.
If your father’s explanation is true, the responsibility for leaving you still rests with him. A curse, fear, or conflict with your mother may explain his decisions, but it does not excuse abandoning his child.
Parents have a duty to love, protect, and remain present in their children’s lives, regardless of the problems between them.
Now that he has returned, it is reasonable to listen to what he has to say, but you do not have to accept everything without question. Ask him honest questions about why he stayed away for so many years, why he never tried to reach you, and what he hopes to achieve by reconnecting now. His willingness to take responsibility for his choices is more important than the explanation he gives.
At the same time, try not to carry the burden of your parents’ conflict. Whatever happened between them was their issue, not yours. You were an innocent child who deserved the love and presence of both parents.
If you choose to rebuild a relationship with your father, let it happen gradually. Trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you decide not to have a close relationship with him, that is also your right. Forgiveness, if you choose it, should be for your own peace of mind, not because you are obligated to overlook the pain you experienced.
Most importantly, remember that your worth was never determined by your father’s absence. His choices reflect his decisions, not your value as a person.
The past cannot be changed, but how you respond now can help you find healing and peace.
