Obaa Yaa
Should I wait for him
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been in a relationship with a guy for the past two years and the only relative he introduced me to, was his uncle.
A month to our wedding, I realised our communication style began to go sour as we didn’t talk like we used to. Three days to our wedding, I didn’t hear from him and all the communication channels I tried, proved futile. Therefore, I cancelled the marriage and till date i have not heard from him.
Months later, I chanced upon him and his family (wife and children) at the mall. He begged me not to create a scene, therefore we agreed to meet later that evening.
When we met, he confessed that I was the one whom he dearly loved however, he was with the woman for some benefits. Thus, he would divorce her after claiming the benefits.
Please do you think I should wait for him?
Abena Tetteh,
Prampram.
Dear Abena,
Marriage is principally based on trust, mutual love and tolerance, therefore, if these points are missing, those involved in the marriage are bound to face challenges.
Thank God that you have identified the true nature of this false lover.
It is not true that he will marry you when he gets the benefits he is looking for.
Do not wait for him because it presupposes that he will abandon you in the future if another lover promises him attractive benefits. Keep in mind that he has children.
In your next relationship, try to do detailed background checks on the person before you commit yourself fully.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My sister, who is a single mother, is expecting another baby with the same man who has refused to take responsibility for their first child.
According to her, he left when their first child was just a month old and travelled by bus to his hometown (Libya).
Three years later, he returned after a very difficult experience.
He eventually showed up after leaving the family for three years. Upon his visit, she was lured by this man and ended up in bed with him again.
She later found out that she was pregnant with her second child, and she is currently at a loss as to what she should do.
Lilian, Abofu.
Dear Lilian,
When I read such stories, I get very angry with the victims—in this case, your sister—for being so careless.
She was extremely careless by having unprotected sex with a man who does not take responsibility.
As a matter of fact, the situation your sister finds herself in is heartbreaking and frustrating. Carrying another child with a man who has shown a consistent lack of care and respect towards her and their child is a heavy burden.
In this circumstance, her health and that of the unborn child, as well as the first child, should be her priority.
Tell your sister not to rely on the man again. She should rather find something to do to gain some financial independence.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have a question for you, and it is bothering me. Who made the law that family planning should be only for women when a couple decides not to have children again?
From my research, I have realised that women go through so many complications when trying to do family planning. My auntie died from tubal ligation, and that is a sickness related to family planning.
On the other hand, some men will always blame women for unwanted pregnancies, forgetting that they also have a role to play when it comes to family planning.
Why should it always be women endangering their lives? Some women bloat, others bleed non-stop because of family planning.
My question now is this: can men also go in for vasectomy?
Ayele, Osu.
Dear Ayele,
Your question is very interesting and can generate an unending debate.
Family planning should not be a woman’s burden alone. It is unfair to put all the responsibility and risk on women when both partners are equally involved in decision-making.
In my opinion, both couples should have access to information, resources, and healthcare to make informed decisions about their reproductive health.
The fact that your auntie died from a tubal ligation is heartbreaking, and it is a stark reminder of the risks women take.
Vasectomy is a simple, safe, and effective option for men. It is time for men to step up and take responsibility in family planning.
Not only can it prevent unwanted pregnancies, but it also shows respect for a partner’s health and well-being.
Couples should have open and honest discussions about family planning and be ready to share responsibility.
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