Dear Obaa Yaa,

I was 22 when Kofi and I got married.  For 30 years we have toiled together.  

As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.  

We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.

Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.

Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.

One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.

Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?

Afi, Ho

Dear Afi,

 Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.

Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases.  Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.

Whenever I bought her a gift, took her out, or even complimented her, she would thank me.

 I loved her for always showing appreciation all the time and that made me love her more.

Interestingly, when we got married few weeks into our marriage, my wife has stopped saying thank you.

I can give her the world now, and she would look at it, put it in her purse, and walk away as if nothing had happened.

On top of that, my favourite type of thank you doesn’t come anymore. I even asked if everything was okay with her.

She only rolled her eyes and treated my question as if it didn’t matter. Does that mean thankfulness ceases after marriage? Or is everything now my responsibility, so I deserve no thank you?

Seth, Koforidua.

Dear Seth

A balanced response would acknowledge his feelings while also encouraging healthy communication:

Your feelings are understandable. Being appreciated matters, whether you’ve been married for one year or 20 years. A simple “thank you” can make a partner feel seen, valued, and loved.

At the same time, it’s common for couples to become comfortable with each other after marriage. Many people don’t intentionally stop showing gratitude; they simply assume their partner already knows they’re appreciated. Familiarity can sometimes replace the small expressions of appreciation that were common during dating.

Rather than keeping score or assuming the worst, have an honest but gentle conversation with your wife. Tell her that it’s not just the words “thank you” you miss it’s the feeling of being appreciated. Avoid bringing it up as a complaint or a joke; instead, explain how those little expressions made you feel loved and respected.

Also, lead by example. Continue thanking her for the things she does, no matter how small. Gratitude is often contagious, and when both partners intentionally express appreciation, it strengthens the marriage.

Marriage shouldn’t mark the end of gratitude. If anything, it should be the place where appreciation is expressed most often. A relationship where both spouses feel noticed, valued, and acknowledged is usually a happier and healthier one.