Obaa Yaa
My past life is traumatising me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am currently going through difficult moments in my life because of my past activities.
I am a 35-year-old lady who is single and hoping to get married, however, nothing is working for me.
The issue is that, in the past, I had a special preference for only married men and so far, I have been able to date about seven of them. Out of this number, I have destroyed five of those marriages due to my relationship with the husbands.
I made sure I made time for them, cook and always offer them good treatment, especially in bed because they were all nice to me.
My dilemma is that, one of the men wants to marry me after divorcing his wife.
However, my friends are advising me not to make that move because it will look as if I am the reason for their break up.
Will I be wrong by marrying him because I am still single and searching?
Worried Lady,
Achimota.
Dear worried lady,
Marrying someone who has divorced the spouse because of you can be quite complex.
Even as you reflect on your journey and seek a new path, there are several concerns that may arise.
First, there’s the idea of karmic debt, which suggests that our actions bear consequences. In this context, marrying someone to whom you played a role in his divorce might evoke feelings of guilt or unease.
Additionally, it’s essential to consider the emotions of the wife who has been left behind. Entering into a marriage with her ex-husband could be viewed as a lack of respect for her and the relationship they once shared.
This situation also prompts important self-reflection regarding your personal growth. It’s worth contemplating whether marrying this person would signify genuine progress in your life or if it might merely lead to repeating past patterns.
However, there is another side to consider. Everyone deserves a second chance, and if you’ve truly repented, committing to someone who loves and accepts you could represent a positive step forward. Ultimately, the most crucial aspect of your decision should be your own happiness and well-being, as you strive to create a fulfilling future.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Before we got married five years ago, my husband told me that his former wife left him shortly after he lost his job following a financial scandal which rocked the company.
But thanks be to God that the court cleared him and ordered the company to pay him for the five years he stayed at home for wrongful dismissal.
As soon as this ex-wife heard that the company had complied with the court’s orders and paid him, she shamelessly declared that she was making a comeback and has vowed to kick me out of my matrimonial home at all cost.
She promised to hire ‘machomen’ to throw my things out of the house and was prepared to bear the consequence for that action.
Even though my husband has assured me that this would never happen, her ex is bent on disturbing my peace.
What should I do?
Adzo,
Tafo.
Dear Bertha,
The lady is threatening to use violence against you. That’s constitutes a breach of the law and she must be reported to the police for issuing those threats.
However, I will advise you to discuss it with your husband so that you are not seen as acting entirely on your own.
As a matter of fact, it is only the police that can handle this matter professionally and must be involved, unless of course your husband talks to his ex-wife to stop harassing you. So have a good discussion with your husband about the matter. All the best.
