My lover is against my tribe

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a boy of 25 and civil servant. I am in love with a very beautiful girl who is a student.

I proposed to her and she accepted. We love each other so much and been together for eight years and hope to get married in future.

However, my lover talks against my tribe any time we meet.

She later told me her parents strongly dislike my tribe and warned that none of their children should marry from that tribe.

My girlfriend again told me that I should not be disturbed but if I really love her, she will convince her parents to agree to our marriage.

I am in doubt that this lady can convince her parents to agree to the marriage, because she also doesn’t like my tribe. I want to break up with her before it is too late.

I am Northerner and she is a Fante.

Malik, Bolgantanga.

Dear Malik,

THIS is prevalent but excruciating challenge in many cultures where tribal, ethnic or family loyalty plays a big role in relationship.

I believe you have taken the right decision and the earlier you implement it the better.

Again, communicate openly with your lover and also focus on your love and connection.

A loving partner will be willing to understand, compromise and not reject you because of your tribe.

If she refuses to respect your background it could be a red flag, especially in a long term.

If you do marry and have children in the future, would she and her parents not make the children miserable just because through no choice, they were

My wife wants what I can’t afford

Dear Obaa Yaa,

My wife told me to buy her a brand new car as a birthday present. I have been saving towards this.

My intention was to get her a Nissan second hand car. Three days to her birthday, she told me she wanted a Range Rover because that is what her friends have been using.

I cannot afford this and even if I can do it, I may have to save additional money. She would not understand this.

She now calls me ‘irresponsible’ and all sort of names. I am so embarrassed by this behaviour.

Kwesi, Racecourse

Dear Kwesi,

Your wife isn’t treating you fairly if this is the story. If on the other hand she has a reason to believe you misuse your money, then she may have a point.

For me, your wife shouldn’t use what her friends are doing as a marker for you. After all you were willing to buy her a car of your choice but she rejected.

We are not in normal times so advise your wife to appreciate everything you do for her.

Advise her to stay away from those friends I believe may be influencing her.

Anyway, why don’t you sit down and talk amicably about this? If it’s Range Rover she wants, tell her she will get it but not now.

I think it makes sense for her to wait, unless she doesn’t want her preferred car.

She’s too friendly with boys

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am 25 and she is 22. We have been lovers for some time now and have agreed to get married if God permits.

We are so much in love to an extent that, we cannot go a day without calling each other or seeing each other.

My problem is that she is too friendly with boys. I have warned her several times but all have fallen on deaf ears. She told me not to think about that because they are her friends and she just entertains them for fun.

I love her and I’m afraid someone may take her out of my hands.

Is it nice for a girl (who already has a lover) to be so friendly with other boys? I am totally confused and don’t know what to do.

Barimah, Swedru.

Dear Barima,

YOU seem to have a problem with insecurity. You stated that she always shows how much she cares about you.

I believe you could complain if that is affecting the attention you crave for.

Is she just friendly or she is actually intimate and makes suggestive body contacts with these male friends?

If your answer is no, then I think you should relax and enjoy your relationship with this girl.

You can also let her know that you can’t stand it when you see her with the male friends and for that matter she should stop.

Trying to stifle her may rather kill the relationship.