Obaa Yaa
Marriage is scary
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am always attracted by the nice looks of couples who go out for a walk and engage in programmes to entertain themselves.
Love, tolerance and perseverance are the essential ingredients which make marriage stick together in a memorable bond.
Unfortunately, there are instances of couples taking these qualities for granted and do whatever they like.
I was lucky to be close to my elder sister with whom l shared my aspirations, sentiments and sometimes secrets and sought her advice.
She was in a relationship with a man who was her senior in the university and who occupied her mind at that time.
This gentleman was known and loved by every member of the family and some of us were of the view that their marriage would be a memorable one from which others will derive immense inspiration.
I was not surprised when this man approached my parents that he would like to ask of my sister’s hand in marriage and pleaded for a list of items required to perform the customary rites.
However, my sister’s expectations fell short of her lover when she informed him that she was pregnant. He suggested that my sister should abort the pregnancy to enable them to prepare a comfortable foundation for a happy marriage.
My sister reluctantly succumbed to abort the pregnancy only to realise a few weeks later that her lover was ready to wed another lady.
The situation has made my sister to develop hatred for men and she has vowed never to entertain any man for a relationship.
Can men be trusted in a circumstance like this?
Akosua, Accra.
Dear Akosua,
The abuse of trust as in your sister’s case is unfortunate and should not be encouraged. Your sister is fortunate to be in a sound mind despite the misfortune that has befallen her.
This gentleman’s character suggests that he was dating two ladies at the same time but took undue advantage of your sister. He should have compensated your sister for the inconvenience caused her.
Your sister should have asked for compensation from him to commensurate the inconvenience he had caused her.
This gentleman has not acted in good faith and should not be trusted. It, therefore, suggest that your sister will not forgive him if she is unable to conceive because of the abortion.
I would like to assure you that the lives of other couples should serve as a source of encouragement for your sister and she will get a good partner in life.
Obaa Yaa
My Stepfather at ‘war’ with me over my late mother’s house
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 39-year-old woman and the eldest of four children. My mother died five years ago. Before her death, she owned a house where she lived with my stepfather and my younger siblings. My stepfather had been married to my mother for more than 20 years.
After the death of mother. My stepfather has gone to court, claiming that the house belongs to him. He says he contributed money towards the construction and maintenance of the property and that my mother’s children have no right to interfere with it.
He has even accused me and my siblings of trying to take the house from him.
I am shocked because my mother was the person who acquired the land and started the building. She also told us several times that the house was meant to remain in the family.
There is no written agreement between my mother and my stepfather about who owns what, and I am worried that this case could divide the family permanently.
My younger siblings are also angry with me because they believe I should fight my stepfather until the house is given to us.
Obaa Yaa, should I fight him in court or try to settle the matter outside court?
From Frimpongmaa,
Assin Praso.
Dear Frimpongmaa,
I am sorry you are going through this. A dispute over your late mother’s home can be very painful, especially when it involves your stepfather. Do not give up on the house or sign any document simply because he has sued you. Being sued does not mean that he automatically owns the property.
Find out exactly what your stepfather is claiming, for example, whether he says the house belongs to him, that he is the beneficiary, or that you have no right to the property.
The court will determine who legally owns the property based on the applicable succession law and the evidence.
The exact answer can change considerably depending on where the house is located, whether your mother left a Will, how she acquired the house, what type of marriage she had with your stepfather, whether there are other children, and the applicable customary/statutory law.
Obaa Yaa
I can’t meet demands from my husband’s family
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman married for over 17 years and blessed with three children.
My father passed away two years ago and left some property to me and my two siblings.
Among the things I inherited was a piece of land and a house which I intend to keep for my children’s future.
My husband’s family are putting pressure on me to give up the property and allow my husband to take control of it. They are saying that because I am married, anything I inherit should benefit my husband and his family as well.
I have tried to explain that my father deliberately left the property to me, but they accuse me of being selfish and disrespectful to my husband’s family.
I am now confused. I love my husband, but I don’t want to lose what my father worked hard to leave behind.
What should I do?
Adzo, Ho
Dear Adzo
If the inheritance legally belongs to you, you should not feel pressured to surrender it simply to be at peace with your husband’s family.
At the same time, avoid making a rush decision based on anger or fear.
I don’t see the reason why your husband’s family wants to take control of the land.
Keep copies of relevant documents and, if necessary, seek legal advice.
Do not sign any document transferring, renouncing your interest until you fully understand its consequences.
You should also have a good conversation with your husband. Ask him why his family wants you to hand over your inheritance to them and whether he supports their position.
Remember that family pressure is not the same as a legal obligation. You can respect your husband’s relatives without surrendering something that is rightfully yours.
If you eventually decide to share part of the inheritance, let it be because you genuinely wanted to, not because you were intimidated or emotionally overstretched.
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