Obaa Yaa
Marriage is not attractive
Dear ObaaYaa,
I grew up in a family of six children in a local community where protection, care and love for one another was the priority.
Though very young, l treasured marriage life and respected couples, especially when l meet them either going to church with their children or going to farm.
Unfortunately, in other communities, the love and desire to wish others well in life and in their fields of endeavours was non-existent. I came across wives who behaved as though they were not married.
These wives normally wait for their husbands to go to work after which they move to their boyfriends to enjoy themselves.
In this new community, l was shocked and rocked to the marrow when l discovered that two wives who were legally married with children indulged in illicit love affairs with other men. What surprised me more was the fact that they did not feel remorse for their actions and the arrogance with which they carried themselves out was much appalling.
These two incidents in Accra made marriage unattractive to me, unclean and impure. This has informed my decision to stay single in order to be free from the troubles and disgrace of marriage.
Do you think my decision is appropriate?
Kofi-Accra.
Dear Kofi,
I think your discovery, though scandalous to many in the community who may be privy to this secret, should not discourage you. This is to give you a glimpse of the sort of immoral acts which persist in society and people are gleefully engaging in it.
I am sure you either grew up with your parents or a guardian whose impeccable marriage lives you should emulate. Do not let the ills in society disturb your plans, but direct your life through the right path and ensure that you pursue it.
Consider the good marriages around you and aspire towards these enviable examples to guide your future.
Six months after marriage, I realised my wife had cheated twice. One happened months before marriage and the other happened just two months after marriage. We dated for four years before we got married.
She had saved the name on her phone as Chairman. The conversation between them didn’t happen every day but once they talked, everything was about sex. My wife encouraged every word and even made suggestions as to where to meet.
I want to meet ‘Chairman,’ is it a good or a bad idea?
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
What you have discovered is deeply painful, especially after investing four years of dating and entering marriage with trust, love and commitment. Betrayal in marriage is not only about the physical act, but also the emotional damage, secrecy and broken trust that come with it.
At this point, it is important not to make decisions purely out of anger or revenge. You need clarity, honest and calm conversations. Your wife must first be willing to tell the whole truth and take responsibility for her actions without excuses.
However, before deciding whether to stay or leave, ask yourself some important questions. Is she willing to cut ties completely with this man? Is she ready to rebuild trust through openness and accountability? And most importantly, do you still see a future with her despite the hurt?
Healing from infidelity takes time, patience and sometimes professional counselling. Do not suffer in silence. Speak to a trusted counsellor, pastor or matured family person who can guide both of you wisely.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am 28 years old guy who has been posted as a trained teacher in one of the rural areas in the Central Region.
I didn’t move in with my family because of the nature of my wife’s job.
About two months ago, I befriended one of the students who run errands for me. One thing led to the other and mistakenly had my way with her.
After two weeks, the girl came to tell me that she was pregnant and that I should give her money to terminate the pregnancy because if her parents get to know of it, they would cause my arrest.
This got me disturbed because I might lose [u1] my job.
Upon a second thought, I discussed this with a friend and she told me it might be a plan to extort money from me.
I personally texted her not to terminate the pregnancy but interestingly, I received a response that she has seen her monthly flow.
In fact, I became convinced about what my colleague told me. I want to end the relationship, what should I tell her and what should be my response when my wife hears of it.
Obaa Yaa, please I need an urgent advice.
David, Tema.
Dear David,
Your case is a very simple one. You are even lucky your friend who is much acquainted with the chicanery of the local girls fortunately hinted you and the girl has confirmed it all.
You better quit that relationship and avoid her because she thinks about following you home.
If you haven’t told her you are married, please tell her now.
