Obaa Yaa
Is it wrong for a father to bath a daughter?
Dear Obaa Yaa
My husband and I have two children – a six-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. Since our daughter was born, my husband has taken responsibility for bathing our son and getting him ready for school. However, when it comes to our daughter, he refuses to help.
Even when I am exhausted, unwell or running late from work, he will bathe the boy but leave the girl for me.
His reason was that he is a man and therefore should not bathe his daughter.
The situation has also begun to affect our daughter and sometimes cries.
I understand that people have different cultural beliefs and personal boundaries, but I am struggling to understand my husband’s position.
Is there an unwritten cultural or religious taboo that prevents a father from bathing his own daughter?
More importantly, how can I handle this situation without creating conflict in our marriage while also making sure that both children feel equally loved, cared for and valued by their father?
What should I do?
Lizzy, Oda
Koforidua.
Dear Lizzy,
There is nothing inherently wrong with a father helping to bathe his young daughter. In many families, fathers care for, bathe, dress and attend to both sons and daughters when they are young.
Your husband’s discomfort may come from his cultural upbringing, personal beliefs about gender, religious interpretation, or simply a boundary he has chosen for himself.
However, that does not mean you should be left carrying the entire responsibility for your daughter, especially when you are working, cooking and sometimes unwell.
Don’t raise the issue while he is bathing your son or while your daughter is crying. Explain calmly that the concern is not simply about bathing; it is about sharing parental responsibilities fairly.
If it is cultural, discuss whether that tradition is something both of you genuinely want to follow in your household.
Pay attention to your daughter’s feelings. Explain to her how daddy loves and adore her and the brother.
The bigger problem appears to be that your husband’s gender boundary has resulted in you becoming solely responsible for your daughter, even when you are sick or exhausted. That needs to change.
My husband and I have two children – a six-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. Since our daughter was born, my husband has taken responsibility for bathing our son and getting him ready for school. However, when it comes to our daughter, he refuses to help.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for the past eight years, and we have two children. My husband is a teacher and I am a Bank Manageress in one of the reputable banks.
Two years ago, I lost my job, and since then, my husband has changed towards me.
He constantly insults me and makes me feel useless because I am no longer financially contributing to the family.
When things were going on well, I was supporting my husband financially and taking care of the home without any negativity attached.
Things became worse when I discovered that he was cheating on me with another woman who was financially sound than I am. When I confronted him, he showed no remorse. A few weeks later, he packed his belongings and abandoned me and the children.
Now I am struggling to take care of the children. My family is advising me to divorce him, while his family wants me to remain in the marriage.
Obaa Yaa, should I continue waiting for him or move on with my life?
Olivia, Accra
Dear Olivia,
I am sorry for what you are going through. Losing your job does not make you a failure, and your husband has no right to disrespect or abandon you because of it.
Marriage requires love, patience and support, especially during difficult times. However, you should not remain in a relationship where you are constantly mistreated.
I advise you to think carefully about your future and the well-being of your children. If your husband genuinely wants to change, he must prove it through his actions and take responsibility for his family.
Remember, marriage should bring peace, not constant suffering.
Take heart, dear sister, and never allow the fear of losing your marriage to make you lose your self-worth.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been friends with a lady for over seven years, and we have always shared our personal secrets with each other. I trusted her so much that I even introduced her to my boyfriend.
Recently, I discovered that she had been secretly dating my boyfriend.
When I confronted her, she apologised and begged me to forgive her, claiming it happened because she was lonely.
I am deeply hurt because I never expected such betrayal from someone I considered a sister. My family and other friends are advising me to end the friendship, but she keeps begging me to give her another chance.
Obaa Yaa, should I forgive her and continue the friendship, or should I cut her off completely?
Esinam, Keta
Dear Esinam,
Friendship should be built on trust, honesty and loyalty. Your friend has broken the trust you placed in her, and loneliness is no excuse for betraying someone who genuinely cares about you.
I believe forgiveness is important, but it does not mean you must continue a friendship that has caused you pain. Take your time, protect your peace and allow her actions to determine whether she deserves another chance.
Remember, not everyone who smiles with you is genuinely happy for you.
Be careful who you trust, because sometimes betrayal comes from the people closest to us.
