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Obaa Yaa

Is he giving me false hope?

Dear Obaa Yaa

I started dating a young man about four months ago. He is 35 years and I am 25 years.  He has separated from his wife before we met. He told me he wanted to divorce his wife and settle down with me but he could not finalise the divorce procedures due to the COVID-19 outbreak.

Recently he told me we should keep our relationship private until further notice, and that not even his friends should know about our relationship. He introduces me as a cousin anytime we step out and insists we can only make the relationship public after he completely divorces his wife.

It has been several months and the divorce has still not happened. Now I am beginning to think that he is only giving me false hopes. Should I continue to hold on or quit?

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Yaayaa, Odumase.

Dear Yaayaa,

Some divorce procedures, indeed, take some time so you may hold on for a while if you love your man. But if your instincts are becoming too strong, then you should advise yourself appropriately, especially if the divorce is not happening.

He has separated from his wife but not divorced. He can still go back to her at anytime. To some extent, this man may be giving you flimsy excuses so he can continue having his way with you.

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As long as the divorce is not complete, you cannot claim him so reduce the time you spend with him and let him finish resolving his marital issues. Proceed only when the road is clear.

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Obaa Yaa

 I don’t like his dressing

 Dear Obaa Yaa,

I live with my parents and my sister. She has a boyfriend who frequently comes to the house. I don’t have a problem with that but I’m concerned about the way he carries himself around the house anytime he visits.

He sometimes wears only a singlet and pair of shorts to our place. He doesn’t dress formally.

At times, he even removes his top and walks bare chested. He doesn’t feel shy at all exposing himself this way to his prospective in-laws.

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Any visitor to our house seeing this guy around bare chested may form a bad opinion about us.

And to add salt to injury, my sis­ter is not helping matters. In order to avoid any hostility, we have talked to my sister to find a way to talk to him but it is not working. How can we handle this?

Alodia, Accra.

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Dear Alodia,

IN my opinion, it is not out of place to tell your prospective in-law that the way he behaves around your home is not particularly to anybody’s liking.

You do not have to say this angrily, and in doing so, you must choose your words carefully.

On the other hand, your sister might also like this, but that is not the point.

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The point is that you want a decent in-law and you might as well send sig­nals about what your expectations are as far as your in-law is concerned.

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Obaa Yaa

My mum sleeps with other men

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I lived with my mother and her actions bring a lot of embarrass­ment to my family, and I need your advice.

She is single and in my neigh­borhood, my mother is noted for sleeping around with men. What is more disgraceful is that she even sleeps with men younger than her in the neighbourhood.

Her attitude is really affecting me because I have always tried to be morally upright.

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Could you imagine an occasion when I overheard some people mentioning the number of men my mother has slept with?

I have now become an object of mockery as I am the only child of my mother.

I am now confused, I feel like running away from home and never return. I will do this without informing her of where I intend going. I am 18 years and she is 38 years. Please help me out.

T.K, Bantama.

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Dear T.K

There is no point of running from the house without your mother knowing.

That would not solve the problem. This is the time that she needs you most because she may be frustrated.

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Remember, she is your mother and you need to accord her that due respect.

Have a personal talk with her about what she is making you go through mentally and physically.

I believe that even if she needs a partner, she can go in for a re­sponsible person. That can lead to marriage so that she’ll stop sleep­ing around.

You can also report her be­haviour to your family head to talk to her.

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