Obaa Yaa
I intend to quit marriage
He was a devout Christian who carried out his activities with zeal and to the admiration of the lecturers and students in the institute.
Without mincing words, l developed deep love for him and wished l could be his special friend to make me stand tall among the rest of the female students.
In school, other students discussed their liking for this senior of ours and there was not a single person who said anything bad about his character.
As fate would have it, this student lost his school Identification Card and the message went round but it could not be found anywhere.
I went home to pick up provisions my parents bought for me when my mother showed me an ID card that had been found in town and enquired from me if l could trace the owner in my school.
I screamed the loudest to inform my mother that the owner was one of our school mates. This discovery marked the beginning of our friendship which lasted three years without any misunderstanding between us.
I receive his call one afternoon that he would like to accompany me to the house after close of work. Shortly after he had arrived in my office, there came a downpour which lasted more than four hours and claimed many lives.
Terrified by the havoc the rain had caused and the fear of the unknown, he suggested that l should spend the night in his apartment for my safety.
Unfortunately, in the night, he could not hold unto his moral principles while l also gave in suddenly to his sexual demands. l got pregnant, became sick in the process and had to pass through series of challenges.
Terrified initially, he later came to perform the marriage rites and promised to follow up with wedding when conditions improved.
Surprisingly, his character has changed after l was delivered of my child. He has refused to support me in any way and failed to heed my calls to assist in educating the child.
I was shocked to the marrow to discover that my husband has a three-year-old male child and he pays frequent visits to the family.
In shame, he has confirmed the story after l had provided further details.
I am taken aback by this new development and contemplating ending the marriage.
Will l be right in carrying out this plan?
Akua.
Dear Akua,
You should be worried about how this ‘angel’ of yours who you cherished in the past has transformed, the circumstances under which you got pregnant and why he is treating you like this.
Kindly remain calm and maintain your life in the modest way possible. It is likely that he is passing through inexplicable challenges and should be given sometime to straighten up his life.
It is too early to throw in the towel. Time will definitely tell.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
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