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ATTITUDE IS ALTITUDE

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You may be tempted to ridicule the concept of “attitude adjustment” because it has become the major theme of motivational posters and coaching materials. But there is real power in controlling your attitude, adjusting it to counter moods and stop behaviors that may threaten your ability to live without limits. The psychologist and philosopher William James, who taught at Harvard University, said that one of the greatest discoveries of his generation was the realisation that by changing our attitudes, we can change our lives.

Whether you are aware of it or not, you view the world through your own unique perspectives or attitudes based on your beliefs of what is good or bad, wrong or right, fair or unfair. Your decisions and actions are based on those attitudes, so if what you have been doing isnot working, you have the power to adjust your attitude and change your life.

Think of your attitude as the remote control for your television set. If the program you are watching doesnot do anything for you, then you simply grab the remote and change it. You can adjust your attitude in much the same way when you arenot getting the results you want, no matter what challenges you encounter.

When you experience a tragedy or a personal crisis, it is perfectly normal and probably healthy to go through stages of fear and anger and sadness, hurt at some point we all have to say: “I am still here. Do I want to spend the rest of my life wallowing in misery, or do I want to rise above what has happened to me and pursue my dreams?”

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Is it easy to do that? No, it is not. It takes great determination, not to mention a sense of purpose, hope, faith, and the belief that you have talents and skills to share. The age-old, time-proven, undeniable truth is that you and I may have absolutely no control over what happens to us, but we can control how we respond. If we choose the right attitude, we can rise above whatever challenges we face.

You likely will have no control over the next adversity in your life. A windstorm hits your house. A drunk driver crashes into your car. Your employer lays you off. Your significant other says, “I need space.” We are all blindsided from time to time. Be sad, feel bad, but then pull yourself up and ask, “What is next?” Once you have lamented awhile, vented, or shed all the tears in your tank, pull yourself together and make an attitude adjustment.

You would not have the wisdom and knowledge you now possess were it not for the setbacks you have faced and the mistakes you have made, and the suffering you have endured. “Once and for all, come to realise the pain is a teacher and failure is the highway to success,” Robin Sharma commiserates. 

POWERING UP

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People who are successful, fulfilled, happy cannot be pessimist. That is because optimism is empowering—it gives you control over your emotions. Pessimism weakens your will and allows your moods to control your actions. With an optimistic outlook, you can adjust your attitude to make the best of bad situations. This is sometimes described as “refraining” because while you cannot always change your circumstances, you can change the way you look at them.

When you allow circumstances beyond your control to determine your attitude and actions, you risk plunging into a downward spiral of hasty decisions and faulty judgments, to overreacting, giving up too soon, and missing those opportunities that always—always—appear just when you think life will never get better.

Pessimism and negativity will ensure that you never rise above your circumstances. When you feel your blood boiling due to negative thoughts, tune them out and replace them with more positive and encouraging inner dialogue. Once again Robin Sharma advises that to live happier, more fulfilling lives, when we encounter a difficult circumstance, we must deep shifting our perspective and continually ask ourselves, “Is there a wiser, more enlightened way of looking at this seemingly negative situation?”

Choose attitudes that allowed you to rise above difficult circumstances. There are many attitudes to choose from, but Nick Vujicic believes the most powerful are: (1) An attitude of gratitude (2) An attitude of action (3) An attitude of empathy (4) An attitude of forgiveness

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AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

When we feel entitled to the good in life, we feel robbed and outraged when something happens to make us uncomfortable. We then look to blame others and demand that they pay for our discomfort, whatever it might be. In a self-centered state of mind, we become professional victims. Yet pity parties are the most tedious, unproductive, and unrewarding events you could ever attend. You can only listen to “Poor, Poor Pitiful Me” so many times before you want to tear your hair out and run for cover, Nick humors.

You should reject the victim role because there is no future in it. Suffering brings us to a fork in the road, and we can choose the downward path to despair or we can take the hopeful path up the hill by adopting an attitude of gratitude. You may find it difficult at first to be grateful, but if you just decide not to be a victim and take it day by day, strength will come. If you cannit find any aspect of your situation to be grateful for, then focus on good days ahead and express gratitude in advance. This will help build a sense of optimism while getting your mind off the past and looking toward the future.

By choosing an attitude of gratitude over one of victimhood or bitterness or despair, you too can overcome whatever challenges you face. But if you find gratitude hard to come by, there are other approaches that might work for you.

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AN ATTITUDE OF ACTION

Sometimes the best method you will find for moving your life out of a rut or over an obstacle is to make life better for yourself or for others. Socrates said, “Let him that would move the world, move himself first.” When it seems like you cannot catch a break, try creating your own. When you have been hit and knocked down by an overwhelming loss or tragedy, allow yourself time to grieve, and then act to create some good out of the bad.

Adopting an attitude of action creates positive momentum. The first steps are the hardest, no doubt about it. Just getting up out of bed may seem impossible at first, but once you are up, you can move forward, and as long as you are moving forward, you are on a path away from the past and toward the future. Go with that. Move ahead step by step. If you have lost someone or something, help someone else or build something else to serve as a memorial and tribute.

One of the most devastating experiences is the loss ofa loved one. Losing a family member or a friendtriggers grief that can cripple us. Other than perhapsbeing glad for having loved them and known themand had time with them, there is little to be gratefulfor in such situations. Nothing prepares us for thegrief that can overwhelm and even paralyze us. Still,some take action so that their terrible loss becomes aforce for good. According to Nick a well-known example is CandyLightner, who channeled her anger and anguish intoaction after her thirteen-year-old daughter was killedby a drunk driver. She founded Mothers AgainstDrunk Driving (MADD), which undoubtedly hassaved many lives through its activism and educationprograms.

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Robin Sharma on his part believes that the mark of strong character lies not in doing what is fun to do or what is easy to do. “The sign of deep moral authority appears in the individual who consistently does what he ought to be doing rather than what he feels like doing. A person of true character spends his days doing that which is the right thing to do.”

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Golden hour

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One more wedding. That’s what she’d told herself. Her portrait studio was already up and running, and she was done with the traveling and the fourteen-hour days and the family drama. Just one last wedding.

Jacqui checked the time on her phone for the umpteenth time and inhaled deeply. Screw it, the mindful breathing wasn’t cutting it. She caught the bartender’s eye. “Whiskey, please. Neat.”

She normally never drank at weddings–at least not until she clocked off. But this uncertainty was doing her head in.

She shouldn’t have agreed to the job, but it was Celia. Plus the new studio lights were expensive, and the groom was minted. Like, banking-money minted. This wedding was leaking money, from the exclusive manor-hotel venue with its manicured lawns, uniformed staff, open bar, to Celia’s dress, which Jacqui knew had been a gift from the groom’s corporate lawyer father. Celia had whispered that it cost “two months’s rent.” Who knew how much that might mean.

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Plus, she’d known Celia since grammar school in Cork. It would be like turning down family; she’d never have heard the end of it.

But then Celia had moved the wedding back two hours, and now Jacqui was screwed. She let the whiskey slide down her throat and its warmth seep up her spine.

How the hell to explain to a bride that you couldn’t take pictures during golden hour because of magic.

She should have cancelled.

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The last time Jacqui had shot a wedding at golden hour, the bride’s politician brother had appeared in every picture with a blurred mouth. He was arrested a week later on corruption charges, and every paper in the country had run headlines using the word ‘liar.’ Before that, it had been her own cousin’s university graduation, where he’d appeared transparent around the edges in every photo. A year later he’d abandoned medical school and cut ties with the family. Was now living in New Zealand, a diving instructor.

Jacqui never knew what truth might be revealed, or how cryptic or obvious it would be. She only knew she didn’t want the knowledge.

Curse the golden hour. And curse whichever social media wedding influencer Celia was following who had no doubt insisted the perfect wedding had to have flawless photos taken in the purest light, so her skin would look magazine-cover exquisite.

Oh, this was nuts. Why wasn’t she at home on her couch with Andy and Luna, drinking pinot and watching something benign on telly? Maybe Ted Lasso or even Breaking Bad. Something old. Something with an ending she already knew.

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The wedding planner was even now corralling the families towards the manor’s water feature. It would be fine if there was a chance in hell it would take less than twenty minutes to herd them all to one place, but wedding party guests were basically cats when it came to organisation. Even now they were milling around, new ones wandering off as lost ones returned.

Celia appeared on the grass, framed by the pristine white french doors of the bar area, which led onto the lawn. Gorgeous. And sweet. Did not deserve what was coming.

What might be coming? Jacqui liked the revised verb. Surely there had to be a chance that it wouldn’t happen again. Surely. Oh, quit kidding yourself. This had happened too many times to pretend and in too many different contexts. The magic worked on any camera, fancy or plain, expensive or crap.

Out there on the green, Celia was clearly at her wits’ end, searching for wayward relatives. It would be the twenty-somethings. Since they weren’t here at the bar, they were either at the hotel lounge, or in some corner having a sneaky spliff.

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The bride looked to her right, just at that moment, still framed beautifully, the golden hour just about to make its glorious appearance and transform the light into magic, figuratively. And literally.

Jacqui raised her water glass and Celia returned an exasperated smile just as Gavin joined her. As the couple spoke, heads bent towards each other, love clear on both faces, Jacqui raised her phone and snapped a shot. Heart pounding, she checked the image.

On the screen, Celia was kissing air. The groom had vanished.

There on the grass, solid and substantial; in the photo, absent.

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In the years since this golden hour trouble had started, she’d seen lies, grief, ghosts and once a man whose shadow walked three feet ahead of him. She’d never seen a bride or groom simply disappear.

“Bollocks.”

The bartender raised her eyebrows and tilted her head towards the whiskey, suggesting another drink.

“I wish. But no, thanks.”

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 Maybe she could fake a robbery of all her cameras. At least for an hour. She played the scenario out in her head: she’d exit the main bar carrying all her gear, and then come back moments later claiming a theft? Right.

She could feign illness. Some kind of sickness so debilitating that she couldn’t hold out for one hour…like a heart attack? Cue: a lifetime of guilt. Celia’s father had died of a heart attack. No, Jacqui couldn’t take the entire wedding down like that.

There was always the truth. After all, Celia’d grown up in Cork, where every family possessed at least one story nobody could quite explain. But no. This was her husband, and her wedding day.

Perhaps she should check again. Jacqui slid off her barstool and approached the french doors. From the threshold, she snapped a few more of the crowd. Several of Gavin, specifically, who looked perfect in this flood of golden light.

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She swiped through. There he was in the ceremony, saying his vows, holding the ring, kissing the bride, and walking up the aisle afterwards. All present and correct. But another swipe and there they all were, the whole wedding party, outside–all but Gavin. The groom was missing. Double bollocks.

Scanning the shots, in case some additional disaster had yet to reveal itself to her, it didn’t appear that any other guests were affected. Thank Hecate for that.

“I know it’s getting late. We’re almost ready, I swear.”

Jacqui jolted. It was Celia, who’d approached on stealthy-bride Manolos.

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“Oh–Hey. It’s fine. It’s nothing. Take your time.”

“Is everything alright? Your expression…are the photos okay?”

The eagerness in her bright blue eyes belied the question. Celia didn’t actually believe anything would be wrong with the pictures. This wasn’t even the right camera, just a phone. All the good, important shots would be on the expensive gear. “Totally fine! I was just checking–reading a text. All good.”

Celia nodded. “Honestly, I’m losing my patience. I’m giving them five more minutes and then they just won’t be in the family photos. You know?”

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Jacqui stretched her lips into a smile she didn’t feel. Wished for another whiskey to appear in her hand. Why didn’t the magic happen like that? Why with the damn photos?

“Jacqui, you look just like you did on the day Sean Ryan asked you to the Winter Dance. What aren’t you telling me?” Celia stepped closer, with laser focus on Jacqui’s screen. “Those are photos of today. Show me.”

She took the phone and peered at it. Frowned. Swiped. Swiped again, and again. Her frown deepened.

Jacqui winced. “I–”

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“Odd.” She swiped further back and paused. “He’s here.”

“Yeah.” “But not here.”

Jacqui shook her head.

“It’s funny…” But Celia didn’t finish the thought. She handed Jacqui the phone and waved at the bartender. “Two whiskeys, please.”

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“Bless you.”

“This is–” Celia bit her lip. “Come on.”

She marched to the bar, and Jacqui had no choice but to follow, grasping for something– anything–to say to explain the void.

“Do you know what it means?” Celia handed Jacqui a lowball tumbler.

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“No.” She shook her head with more certainty than she felt. “It’s the time of day. Something about this light reveals…something. I can’t even say ‘truth.’ Because I just don’t know.”

Celia sipped her drink, thoughtful, eyes on the lawn on the other side of the french doors, where the wedding planner was gesturing like a demented traffic warden. “They’ll be waiting. I have to go back out there.” She remained seated.

Jacqui tossed back her drink in one gulp. “We have to.” She savored the whiskey’s burn. This wasn’t the reaction she’d expected. Celia was still staring at the scene on the lawn, at Gavin. Maybe he wasn’t the doting fiance Jacqui assumed. Maybe Celia had already suspected that something wasn’t as it should be. An illness. Or an affair. Maybe she’d already spent months imagining a future without him.

“You should go. I’ll grab my gear.”

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Celia glided across the room in that Tuula Tatsuki sheath and those Manolo Blahnik stilettos, framed in gold by the light, which was even now changing. Darkening.

Perhaps the Golden Hour had passed. Maybe the danger was over.

Jacqui slipped her phone in her pocket and slung her bag over her shoulder. As she walked towards the lawn, she saw Celia take her place next to her husband, and Gavin look down at her with love. Celia didn’t look back. The light changed to blue.

The warmth of the whiskey evaporated as a chill ran straight up her spine. – Source:reedsy.com

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The saga of the dancing kiosk

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Some people being carried through flood waters

IN every society, there are people who please themselves and do things their own way, whether people will talk about them or not. Check out the man who, by some good fortune, came by some money to purchase a beautiful Benz bus. Instead of becoming a bossy transport owner to whom daily accounts will be rendered, he decides otherwise.

He hires a driver but no driver’s mate. He becomes the mate himself and the bold inscription on the back of the bus is ‘MAN NO FOOL’. Of course, he does not rank himself a fool. He has long observed the way drivers collaborate with mates to play Kwaku Ananse tricks with daily accounts. He is far and above such tricks.

What about the married man who decides to enforce the principles of division of labour? Early one morning, he decreed that he would start doing the daily market shopping all by himself because he suspected that his wife was “tearing chobo”

This domestic tyrant had, a month before this unilateral family decree, arrogated to himself the power of the kitchen ladle. According to him, he was not feeling the chop-money’s worth in his stomach and, therefore, decided to overthrow his wife and establish a new kitchen regime.

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He declared himself the chief cook and the wife a steward. He told his enquiring friends that he was forced to take the stringent measure because whenever his wife fetched the soup, his share looked like that of a prisoner although he is the one who “moves the chopmoney”.

He calls his actions “domestic pragmatism” and when the wife completes the cooking, she arranges the plates and bowls and calls out to the chop-money man to come and fetch the soup and allocate the meat.

Also, consider the noble ways of a man and wife who have a kiosk in which they sell their wares. Because they cannot carry their goods home back and forth everyday, and taking care not to be burgled, they decide to sleep in the kiosk every night although they have a house.

Last week Tuesday, they were fast asleep when the rains started. Deep in slumber, each one of them began dreaming he (or she) was dancing in a jamboree. It was indeed a real boogey, but two people side by side and dreaming simultaneously about dancing was too mysterious on a rainy day to be true.

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When they came around and opened their eyes they realised that is was not a disco night, after all. The kiosk in which they were sleeping was rather water-borne and was doing the Michael Jackson dance, tossing up and down enroute to the abode of death. The magnificent dream dance turned out to be a Music-For-Your Dancing Kiosk.

Unfortunately, the dream dancers did not die in the floods. They lived to tell their story. They were one of the fortunate ones who escaped death by the skin of their teeth. Others were not so fortunate with water.

Death and Mourning!

It turned out that on that Tuesday, 24 residents of Accra were sentenced to death by water squad. It was a pitiful experience for many when the rains, the heaviest in 59 years, destroyed property, drowned human beings and animals and precipitated the worst traffic jam that ever hit the capital.

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I was at home when Radio GAR (no longer GBC FM) announced that the situation was quite precarious and that the flood action was happening live Circle, the Odaw River overflowing, blah, blah, blah! Well, when you live in a planned city like Tema, you see rain but not floods and boogeying kiosks.

Neck Insurance

I had gotten dressed up for work but the announcement made me take off everything and got firmly tucked in bed as the rain drizzled even at about 9:30 a.m. having fallen from 11:00 p.m. the previous day with such intensity that I was surprised Tema was not inundated.

When I got to Circle the next day and saw the extent of damage, I was overawed. I heard people had to transform into human transport, carrying people in waist-deep water across for a fee of ₵500. Luckily I wasn’t around to be carried. I would have been charged ₵1,500 because the carrier would have had to first, insure his poor neck against dislocation since my weight is quite helluva! In any event of injury he would have tossed me into the water, anyway, to save his neck. You joke with your neck and you’ll die young!

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When I got to the office on Wednesday, it was a mess. Workers and labourers were carting out soaked material and drying the offices. I had left my office radio on the carpet floor and I guess it did a bit of swimming before it was rescued. When it got dried a bit, I tried it and it cackled to life.

Jesus Christ, the radio must be holy-ghost filled. Perhaps, it walked on the water. I was so glad and tuned in to BBC, hoping something would be said about the floods in Sikaman. Nothing! Only Bosnian Serbs and their atrocities and that kind of boring stuff. People killing themselves and never stopping,

And it came to pass that Mr Nat Nunoo-Amarteifio, the AMA boss, came on the air later on to undertake a post-mortem of the disaster. Among other things, he talked about the level of the sea and lagoon rising to meet the floods. As for that explanation I was not convinced at all, but I won’t comment

You see, one veteran journalist whom I respect so much because of his prophetic genius, is TOM DORKENOO. He is, a man from whom I often take counsel because of his experience in life and journal-ism. Whatever he predicts comes to pass and recently I suggested that he should establish a church so that he could prophesy both day and night.

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Uncle Tom as he is fondly known, wrote an article in his column two years ago, enumerating in graphic detail, reasons why Accra is a disaster area as far as floods are concerned, concluding that if the authorities do not take radical steps in tackling the drainage issue and allied problems, we must expect deaths and disaster in all forms and ramifications.

A year later, people died in the floods. The dose was repeated this year with 24 people losing their lives. Many have lost their animals and property and have been thrown into debts they can never redeem.

It is not enough for Nunoo-Amarteifio to come on the air to talk about actions he wants to take concerning the drainage system and unauthorised buildings. He should get down to work and see to it that everything that is contributing to the yearly floods is tackled appropriately.

If he is in doubt, he should look for back copies of the ‘Weekly Spectator’ and scan for Uncle Tom’s article. Tom is a man of the environment. He has talked extensively on floods and earthquakes.

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Yes EARTHQUAKES! How prepared are we?

This article was first published on Saturday, July 15, 1995

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