Obaa Yaa
Am I a lesbian?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am 21 and she is 24 years old. We are both females. This friend of mine once told me she loved me. I considered that to mean the normal saying of telling someone you love the person.
One day, she saw me with a guy and looked surprised. Later, she warned me not to get myself a boyfriend or she will be angry with me.
After that incident, she started showering me with gifts and money. She behaves like a man towards me each time we meet, trying to hug and kiss me.
I have realised that my friend is a lesbian.
One day she touched my sensitive part and I gave in. Since then I have also fallen in love with her.
Obaa, please am I also a lesbian? If yes, how can we advise ourselves to stop?
Claudia,
Koforidua.
Dear Claudia,
It seems you are in the process of being converted to a lesbian. It appears you are not comfortable with the practice even though you seem to enjoy it.
However, you need to know that some pleasant and enjoyable things that come on a silver platter can be costly.
Lesbianism is something our society abhors, therefore getting yourself engaged in it can bring you a lot of troubles.
Religious bodies have openly condemned practitioners, making it difficult for them to be accepted in the society.
I want to advise you to seek help from counsellors and let you understand the dangers lesbianism would expose you to.
It could mean you cannot have your own children unless you decide at a point to quit.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a father of two children from my previous marriage.
Unfortunately, the marriage ended because of my ex-wife’s persistent toxic behaviour, which began to affect not only our business but also the emotional well-being of our children. Eventually, the court took notice of the situation and granted me full custody of the children, who are now 13 and 10 years old.
Since then, their mother has been largely absent from their lives. She barely checks on them and once told me, rather bluntly, “Since they mean more to you, don’t look for me again.”
I have done my best to raise them with love, stability, and a sense of security despite her absence.
Recently, I was given a life-changing opportunity to travel abroad for work, with the option to relocate with both children. As part of my preparation, I decided to conduct a DNA test, mainly for personal clarity.
The results have left me deeply shaken.
They revealed that my younger child is not biologically mine, while the older one is.
Now, I find myself in a difficult position. The company offering me employment has structured my benefits based on the number of dependents I declared. One of the children I have listed is, by blood, not mine.
I am confused, hurt, and unsure of the right thing to do both morally and practically.
Obaa Yaa, please, what should I do?
Kenneth, Koforidua.
Dear Kenneth
What you are facing goes beyond DNA. It is about the meaning of fatherhood. For 10 years, you have raised this child with love, care, and responsibility.
That bond is real, and the child is innocent in this situation.
Before making any decision, reflect on whether this new information will truly change how you see or treat the child who has always known you as their father.
On the practical side, consider the legal and employment implications carefully. Since you have full custody, both children are still legally your dependents, and many systems recognise guardianship, not just biology.
However, it would be wise to quietly review your employment terms or seek legal advice to ensure that you are not unintentionally putting yourself at risk, especially with relocation abroad.
Ultimately, this decision is about both compassion and responsibility. Think about the emotional impact on the children and whether separating them would do more harm than good. You have an opportunity to shape their future. Approach it with both wisdom and heart, taking time to decide what kind of father you want to continue to be.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 19-year-old girl living with my father in Accra. About two years ago, my father made sexual advances toward me. Since then, he has continued to harass me, but I have always refused.
I reported the issue to my mother, who lives in the village. However, when I returned to Accra, my father continued his behaviour. Last year, he told me that if I agreed to sleep with him, he would give me anything I wanted.
About six months ago, around midnight, he came to me and said he wanted to marry me because he found me very beautiful and did not want any other man to have me.
I feel deeply disturbed and angry. The thought of this is unbearable, and I have even considered taking my own life because marrying my father is a taboo.
Baaba, Nungua.
Dear Baaba,
Please do not harm yourself. You have done nothing wrong, and you do not deserve this. The person at fault is your father, and he must be held accountable for his actions.
I strongly advise that you leave your father’s house immediately. Do not allow him to stop you. If you have nowhere else to stay, go to your mother in the village for now.
Speak honestly with your mother about what has been happening. Together, inform trusted members of both your father’s and your mother’s families. A family meeting should be arranged so your father can be confronted about his behaviour.
If he denies the allegations, shows no remorse, or threatens you at any point, you must report the matter to the police without delay.
If you return to Accra in the future, do not live with your father again. During the family discussions, arrangements should also be made to ensure your father continues to support you financially until you are able to care for yourself independently.
