Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.

That is where time-tested, evidence-based strategies for parenting teens can be helpful. When parents are raising teenagers, they benefit from having a toolkit for keeping calm, creating a harmonious household, and relating to their children in positive ways.

Here are some simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long run.

1: Keep your cool and stay centered

Living with kids can be stressful. That’s true for parenting adolescent girls and boys, too. Tricky situations often arise. But if you’re able to regulate your own emotions, chances are your child will do better, too. Self-care plays a huge part in this.

2. Emphasise the positive in parenting adolescents

Ever heard of the negativity bias? That’s how scientists describe the fact that our brain responds more strongly to negative information than it does to positive stimuli. Most likely, the negativity bias developed as an evolutionary survival mechanism—making us more sensitive to threats and danger. That’s why we remember bad news more easily than good news.

However, the negativity bias no longer serves us. In fact, it decreases our well-being. Therefore, we need to retrain our brains to focus on what’s good in our lives, instead of the bad stuff.

3: Set expectations and house rules

For adolescents, declaring independence is inevitable at some point. Accept that it will happen—your child will go through rebellious periods. This is normal teenage behaviour. Therefore, it’s important for parents to create as much clarity as possible about what they expect of their children. Moreover, parents need to create limits and consequences to compassionately enforce those expectations and boundaries.

4: Keep communication going

Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to

1. Talk early and often

It is never too early to start talking with and listening to your children about the first day of school. Ask them what they think school will be like and see if they have any specific concerns so that you will have time to address it over the next couple of weeks. It is totally normal to have first day jitters.

2. Go to the orientation

If your child’s school is hosting an orientation or back-to-school night, take advantage of it. Often children are worried that they will not know how to get to the bathroom, where to eat lunch, or how to get to a locker. If your school does not offer one or you are unable to make it, ask the teacher if it would be possible to stop by for a visit. Teachers are usually in their classrooms prepping for the new school year in advance.

3. Meet the teacher

For kids, wondering if they will like their teacher is a big source of fear. If your child isn’t comfortable in the teacher’s classroom, he or she will be less likely to be ready to learn. Many teachers will make themselves available for a phone or video call or will return an email if a visit is not possible.

4. For younger children, read books or watch educational cartoons

In August, local libraries will often display books about starting school or going to a new school. These materials can help children read about and see what a typical day will consist of and what they will learn in school.

5. Take your kids shopping with you

Your kids will be more excited to use their back-to-school supplies if they picked them out. Doing so will help them feel prepared and will also provide an opportunity to talk about how the new supplies might be used in the coming year.

6. Set up school “zones” and establish clear expectations

At home, establish a location for school materials such as a place to put backpack and lunchbox, and set up a distraction-free homework zone (like the kitchen table with the TV turned off and phones/tablets put away). Set up homework and study times (for example, Monday–Thursday from 3:30–5 pm) to help manage expectations and build and maintain good routines.

7. Practice your new routine

Both children and adults can benefit from practicing the new school routine one to two weeks before school actually starts. Stage a morning dry run to see how long it takes you and your children to get out of the door in the morning. It will not only help you predict how early you and your kids need to get up, but your children will benefit from learning what to expect each weekday.