Obaa Yaa
My husband wants to take a second wife
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My husband and I have been living together for four years now. We have everything one needs to live a comfortable life.
The love we shared was envied by lots of people including our close friends.
My only problem with the marriage is that within the four years of our marriage I haven’t been able to give my husband a child.
Initially, my husband was okay with me not being able to give him any child since we got married.
However, the continuous pressure from my husband’s family has become unbearable hence my husband is forced to do what his family members are requesting him to do.
My husband is forced to take a second wife who will be able to bear him a child or children.
I have no option than to allow him get a second wife.
However, I am confused as to whether what I’m about to do is the right way to go about the situation.
Please tell me, what should I do?
Faustina Kaneshie.
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Dear Faustina,
I’m sorry about the situation you are going through and it’s my deepest regret that this is happening to you.
First of all, children are gifts from God and therefore not from man. Man is only the passage way for the gifts of God to be seen physically and that is children. Be more prayerful and trust God to see you through these difficult times.
Don’t allow your husband to bring or marry a second wife. Marrying a second wife will still not solve your problem. Tell him that you are not happy about the idea of him marrying another woman.
Remind him of the promise he made to you through the exchange of vows that he wasn’t going to leave you through difficult times. This issue is an example of one of the difficult times therefore both of you should be backing it up with prayers and you would sail through.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
When I got pregnant with our first child, my husband and I agreed for me to stay home, at least until the children were a bit older.
I had a good job in banking, but childcare in our city was expensive, and his salary alone could cover us. I said yes without hesitation, because that’s what you do for your family.
“A bit older” became 12 years. Three children, three different schools, endless sick days, school runs, cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, managing the house when he travelled for work, all of it fell on me.
I never complained, because I told myself this was my contribution, even if it didn’t come with a pay cheque.
We had a discussion about it and my husband told me I was stressing him because I was a housewife.
Twelve years of my life, my career, my independence, reduced to “nothing” in one sentence. That night, after he fell asleep, I sat in the living room and opened my old laptop. I started updating my resume for the first time in over a decade. I don’t know the future, but I know I can’t keep living as someone whose entire existence is considered worthless.
Eyram, Keta.
Dear Eyram,
Your husband’s words were painful and unfair. Raising three children, managing a household, and supporting a family for 12 years is a significant contribution. The fact that it did not come with a salary does not make it any less valuable.
Before making any major decisions, try to have a calm conversation with him when emotions have settled. Explain how his statement affected you and why it made you feel that your sacrifices and contributions were being dismissed. Sometimes people say hurtful things during arguments without fully considering the impact of their words, but that does not excuse them.
Updating your résumé is not an overreaction. Rebuilding your financial independence, confidence, and career options can be a healthy step for your own security and self-worth, whether or not your marriage improves. Having choices is important.
Pay attention to how your husband responds when you share your feelings. A partner who values the relationship should be willing to acknowledge the hurt, apologise sincerely, and recognise the work you have done for the family. If these conversations continue to be dismissive or disrespectful, consider seeking marriage counselling to help address the deeper issues.
Most importantly, do not allow anyone—including your spouse—to convince you that caring for your children and managing your home for 12 years was “nothing.” Your contribution helped make his career and your family’s stability possible. You deserve respect, appreciation, and a voice in your own home.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 30- year-old doctor by profession. I have been happily married to a teacher for the past two years without a child.
Though we haven’t been married for long, we have always prayed for the fruit of the womb.
Gladly, my wife has taken seed but she didn’t tell me herself. Instead, one of her friends told me through a gossip that I’m the one responsible.
Her friend said she confided in her but doesn’t want me to know. Should I ask her about it, or should I keep pretending I don’t know she’s pregnant and see what comes out of it?
In my opinion, this shouldn’t be a secret and what prevents her from telling me.
I am so excited and I believe this calls for celebration. But the feedback from her friend is keeping me in suspense.
Abrefa, Aburi.
Dear Abrefa,
Don’t play games or wait to see what happens. If there’s any chance the child is yours, the best approach is to talk to her directly, respectfully.
Gossip is often incomplete or inaccurate, and her friend’s comments may not reflect the full truth. Ask her privately if she is pregnant and whether you are responsible.
Give her the opportunity to explain her situation rather than relying on information from others. An honest conversation will give you clarity and help you decide the next step based on facts rather than relying on second-hand information.
An honest conversation will give you clarity and help you decide the next steps based on facts rather than assumptions.
