Obaa Yaa
He has set spies on me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I entered a relationship three years ago and things were moving on well and we were happy until recently when problems began to emerge.
Going by the advice of my mother not to fall prey to any man who would make fun of me and ruin my life for good, l tried to keep a distance from men until the one who was genuinely prepared to marry me.
This man has proposed to me and has assured me that he is not married and has no child, but i am afraid because i don’t know much about him and having considered his age, i think he must be hiding something under his sleeves.
He has given me the assurance that he would officially seek the consent of my parents to marry me.
However, my concern is, he has set spies on me and they are always checking on every step i take and would not give me breathing space.
They have wrongly accused me of things i have not done, thereby, giving me a bad image in the eyes of the public.
This has given me the reason to believe that this man does not trust me and has ridiculed me.
Since the element of trust is non-existent, i would like to end the relationship.
Akos, Accra.
Dear, Akos,
A lasting relationship is normally built on love, trust, tolerance and willingness to forgive the other partner.
It beats my imagination why this gentleman should set spies on you. On the contrary, it could be that this action is in reaction to an issue which might have happened in the past for which he would like to be careful in order to safeguard his interest in you.
You should let him understand how embarrassed you are about the spies he has set on you. If things continue like this while you are yet to marry, then one can imagine how the future will be if you become a couple.
Secondly, it could be that he is a jealous person who has taken the wrong step by trying to over-protect you through unfaithful friends.
Listen to your conscience and decide on the right action to take in this relationship.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a father of two children from my previous marriage.
Unfortunately, the marriage ended because of my ex-wife’s persistent toxic behaviour, which began to affect not only our business but also the emotional well-being of our children. Eventually, the court took notice of the situation and granted me full custody of the children, who are now 13 and 10 years old.
Since then, their mother has been largely absent from their lives. She barely checks on them and once told me, rather bluntly, “Since they mean more to you, don’t look for me again.”
I have done my best to raise them with love, stability, and a sense of security despite her absence.
Recently, I was given a life-changing opportunity to travel abroad for work, with the option to relocate with both children. As part of my preparation, I decided to conduct a DNA test, mainly for personal clarity.
The results have left me deeply shaken.
They revealed that my younger child is not biologically mine, while the older one is.
Now, I find myself in a difficult position. The company offering me employment has structured my benefits based on the number of dependents I declared. One of the children I have listed is, by blood, not mine.
I am confused, hurt, and unsure of the right thing to do both morally and practically.
Obaa Yaa, please, what should I do?
Kenneth, Koforidua.
Dear Kenneth
What you are facing goes beyond DNA. It is about the meaning of fatherhood. For 10 years, you have raised this child with love, care, and responsibility.
That bond is real, and the child is innocent in this situation.
Before making any decision, reflect on whether this new information will truly change how you see or treat the child who has always known you as their father.
On the practical side, consider the legal and employment implications carefully. Since you have full custody, both children are still legally your dependents, and many systems recognise guardianship, not just biology.
However, it would be wise to quietly review your employment terms or seek legal advice to ensure that you are not unintentionally putting yourself at risk, especially with relocation abroad.
Ultimately, this decision is about both compassion and responsibility. Think about the emotional impact on the children and whether separating them would do more harm than good. You have an opportunity to shape their future. Approach it with both wisdom and heart, taking time to decide what kind of father you want to continue to be.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 19-year-old girl living with my father in Accra. About two years ago, my father made sexual advances toward me. Since then, he has continued to harass me, but I have always refused.
I reported the issue to my mother, who lives in the village. However, when I returned to Accra, my father continued his behaviour. Last year, he told me that if I agreed to sleep with him, he would give me anything I wanted.
About six months ago, around midnight, he came to me and said he wanted to marry me because he found me very beautiful and did not want any other man to have me.
I feel deeply disturbed and angry. The thought of this is unbearable, and I have even considered taking my own life because marrying my father is a taboo.
Baaba, Nungua.
Dear Baaba,
Please do not harm yourself. You have done nothing wrong, and you do not deserve this. The person at fault is your father, and he must be held accountable for his actions.
I strongly advise that you leave your father’s house immediately. Do not allow him to stop you. If you have nowhere else to stay, go to your mother in the village for now.
Speak honestly with your mother about what has been happening. Together, inform trusted members of both your father’s and your mother’s families. A family meeting should be arranged so your father can be confronted about his behaviour.
If he denies the allegations, shows no remorse, or threatens you at any point, you must report the matter to the police without delay.
If you return to Accra in the future, do not live with your father again. During the family discussions, arrangements should also be made to ensure your father continues to support you financially until you are able to care for yourself independently.
