Obaa Yaa
Marriage is not attractive
Dear ObaaYaa,
I grew up in a family of six children in a local community where protection, care and love for one another was the priority.
Though very young, l treasured marriage life and respected couples, especially when l meet them either going to church with their children or going to farm.
Unfortunately, in other communities, the love and desire to wish others well in life and in their fields of endeavours was non-existent. I came across wives who behaved as though they were not married.
These wives normally wait for their husbands to go to work after which they move to their boyfriends to enjoy themselves.
In this new community, l was shocked and rocked to the marrow when l discovered that two wives who were legally married with children indulged in illicit love affairs with other men. What surprised me more was the fact that they did not feel remorse for their actions and the arrogance with which they carried themselves out was much appalling.
These two incidents in Accra made marriage unattractive to me, unclean and impure. This has informed my decision to stay single in order to be free from the troubles and disgrace of marriage.
Do you think my decision is appropriate?
Kofi-Accra.
Dear Kofi,
I think your discovery, though scandalous to many in the community who may be privy to this secret, should not discourage you. This is to give you a glimpse of the sort of immoral acts which persist in society and people are gleefully engaging in it.
I am sure you either grew up with your parents or a guardian whose impeccable marriage lives you should emulate. Do not let the ills in society disturb your plans, but direct your life through the right path and ensure that you pursue it.
Consider the good marriages around you and aspire towards these enviable examples to guide your future.
Dear Obaa Yaa
I GOT married to a lady from my hometown (name withheld) because tradition does not allow us to marry people from other places. We have been living in Europe for the past six years after marriage, but she is very demanding.
For all these years, anytime my wife gets pregnant, she’ll always tell me she wants to deliver in Ghana so that she can get some help in taking care of the baby. Meanwhile, giving birth in Europe would have been a great benefit to my wife.
However, my wife is currently in Ghana to give birth to our second child and wants to spend about six months. Luckily, her brother disclosed to me about the building projects my wife was handling. That’s how I found out she wants to deliver in Ghana to supervise them. Obaa Yaa, I am confused.
—Enoch, Hamburg
Dear Enoch
I DON’T really understand why your wife is playing smart. From the look of things, both of you are happily married and making memories. The question is, what stops her from telling you that she is building in Ghana and needs your support?
I will suggest that you demand to know from her the source of the money she is using for the projects. Open communication is key to resolving this matter and ensuring trust in your marriage.
Dear Obaa Yaa
I AM a 30-year-old lady who holds a degree in Business Administration from the University of Ghana (Legon). I am married to a very wealthy man who provides me with everything I need.
My problem, however, is that my husband doesn’t want me to work. His explanation is that I am too beautiful, and for that matter, he is scared to lose me. His explanation doesn’t make sense, and I am very angry about his decision.
Secondly, the children are too young, and he is also not ready to employ a nanny, which makes me feel that I am a prisoner. This is a serious problem, and if I am not careful, it will affect my health since I am always indoors. I need your view on this, Obaa Yaa.
—Tina, Ada
Dear Tina
I UNDERSTAND where you are coming from because you want to work and explore. In this era, even if your husband is a billionaire, you need to work to make your own money in case any misfortune happens.
He pays me GH₵5,000 every month for being a housewife, so he doesn’t see the need for me to stress myself about work. I am not happy with this sort of life because, as a woman, it is not everything that I can ask from him. This has been my headache for some time now. Initially, I didn’t see it as a problem, but I realised that in the 21st century, being an independent woman is the best.
For close to five years, I have virtually been under house arrest; I am getting the feeling along the line that when only one person shoulders all costs at home, it makes the other person feel useless.
You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Tell him that even if he doesn’t want you to work for any company, he should set up a business for you to manage to reduce the boredom in your life. I hope that if you subtly put this point across, he will change his mind and get you something to do.
