Relationship
Why do you want to get married? – Part 4
A couple with their children
To understand the motives behind marriage, we have already examined reasons like the influence of age (I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry), societal pressures (My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry), peer influence (My friends are all marrying; I’m the only one who is not yet married), the desire for a wedding ring (I need to wear a wedding ring too), marrying someone you have been with for an extended period of time, the belief that marriage will resolve relationship issues, and the desire to host a big wedding party.
Whether you are a loyal reader or just starting, let us continue with the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words)
8. I have to marry to prove some people wrong.
Maybe several people in your life keep making you feel that un less you marry, you will not amount to much in life, or they will not regard you in high esteem. Probably, you have had a lot of naysayers attributing your being unmarried to character and behaviour flaws.
Many people keep telling you about how “the clock is ticking” and “you are not getting any younger”. Or maybe your parents and some family members got di vorced and you are determined to show the world that you are better than them. Or all your friends are married and you want to show them you are not just the spare tyre all the time. Whatever it is, getting married to prove something to someone—or yourself—is an aw ful reason to do it.
9. We have children together
First and foremost, as a Chris tian, you were supposed to get married before bearing children since sex outside of marriage is biblically considered as sin or sexual immorality. Nevertheless, once the mistake has already been made, it is of no use to beat your self down as if there is no hope of rectifying the wrongs.
In as much as I am all for saving the structure of the family unit; yet, staying together with someone you have not married simply for the children’s sake alone is not a good reason to stay or enter into an unhealthy marriage relationship. If you’re already experiencing con stant physical or emotional abuse in that relationship, going ahead to get married to that same partner can rather cause more harm than good to you and the children.
10. I think being married will make me happy
It is not automatic that when you marry, you will be happy. I am sure we have all seen so many peo ple who became worse after get ting married. That means to experience happiness and fulfillment in marriage, there is a lot you need to do to prepare and position yourself for that happiness.
Also, do not forget that mar riage is not all about you! Among other things, marriage involves the coming together of two mature people (a man and a woman) who have decided to live the rest of their lives together to fulfill their God-given assignment and destiny.
Even though you may be looking out for your happiness; you should not forget that whoever you get married to will also have to be ful filled and happy with you. And yet, you need to be happy by yourself before you can make someone else happy.
Therefore, my professional advice to you is: “Don’t wait to get married before you become happy and fulfilled. Happiness is possible while you are still unmarried.”
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).
Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister
Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
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SHE did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number—not his—and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
In my therapy/counselling office in Accra, week after week, I sit with couples whose marriages are not broken by infidelity, but by invoices. If you ask me what is quietly killing Ghanaian marriages today, I will tell you without blinking: it is not that love has died; it is that money honesty never lived.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counselor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
Why do Ghanaian partners hide money?
From my clinical observation, it is not always wickedness. It is often woundedness.
1. The fear of losing power: Especially for men, money is seen as power. “If she knows how much I have, she will control me or disrespect me.” So he hides.
2. Family entanglement: “If my wife knows I give my mother GH¢1,500 every month, there will be trouble.” So he creates a second MoMo account. Many Ghanaian marriages have three accounts—his, hers, and the secret family one.
3. Past trauma: A woman who grew up in a home where her mother begged for chop money will never be honest about her savings. She is not greedy. She is scared. She is saving for her survival.
4. Debt shame: In Ghana today, with easy access to Qwikloan, Fido, and bank salary loans, many young men and women enter marriage already drowning in debt. They hide it because they feel, “If I tell him/her, they won’t marry me.”
So the hiding begins. And that is where the insurance lapses.
The 3 Devastating Prices You Pay For Financial Secrecy
Research from Kansas State University found that arguments about money are the number one predictor of divorce, more than arguments about children, in-laws, or sex. Why? Because money arguments are never about money. They are about trust, respect, and security.
Price 1: It destroys trust faster than infidelity.
When you discover your spouse has a secret child, you are hurt. When you discover your spouse has a secret debt that loan officers are now chasing YOU for, you feel betrayed and foolish. Clients tell me, “Counselor, I can forgive cheating, but I cannot forgive that he made me look like a fool at the bank.”
Price 2: It creates chronic anxiety in your home.
A home where money is a mystery is a home where no one sleeps well. The wife is always checking his phone not for other women, but for loan alerts. The husband is always anxious when his wife says, “Can we talk?” You cannot have intimacy where there is financial anxiety.
Price 3: It teaches your children to lie.
Children are watching. When daddy says, “Tell anyone who calls that I am not around because of money,” you are teaching your son that lying about money is normal. We are raising a generation of financially dishonest partners.
