Relationship
Things to keep you from giving up on each other
From time to time, things may get a little difficult. You might not see a way out, and want to give up. You’ve been through so much and seen so much that you’ve lost the fight in you. But it is during these times that you need to find a reason to push through, because something significantly better awaits you at the other side of this situation.
Even if you think that you don’t have it in you to deal with something, and that nothing can be done, here are a few things that might be able to give you the push you need:
We all want things to be easy for us. And even though as tempting as it is, you need to make tough choices and live with the consequences. Be it any aspect of your life, the right thing to do will always prove to be the hardest.
In order to save ourselves from adversity, when the going gets tough, we try to convince ourselves that nothing should have to be this difficult. When in reality, nothing good ever comes easy.
You’ve made it this far
We’ve all had those days where you’re feeling so defeated that you’re entirely convinced you won’t be able to make it. Maybe if you reminded yourself that you’re seeing this day only because you’ve managed to live through such days in the past, you might have some hope. If you could get through them, you can surely get through this one as well.
Everything happens for a reason
If things aren’t going the way they should and nothing you do seems right, just remember that everything happens for a reason. Even if it doesn’t make sense in that moment of time, it will unfold eventually. Your choices, even if they appear to be wrong in the present circumstances, are setting you off in the right direction. You need to believe that everything will fall into place in due time.
Choose your response to pain
There is no escaping pain. Somewhere, sometime or somehow you’re going to be faced with it. Pain generally instigates negative thoughts, which in turn worsens the situation. You allow yourself to wallow in it and hence don’t even look for a way out since you’ve led yourself to believe that there isn’t one.
You can control how you process your pain. It may not be easy or quick, but it’s doable. Hold the negative thoughts at bay, focus on finding a solution instead.
keep moving forward
Be it one tiny step at a time, just keep moving forward. You can’t allow yourself to be stuck in the same situation just because of your fears. There is no reward without any risk. Believe in yourself, and make the difficult choices.
Don’t let anything hold you back
When you’ve finally convinced yourself to challenge yourself, don’t let any sort of setbacks keep you from moving forward. They are just minor hiccups. Sometimes you might not get it right in the first go, but you need to keep going. You alone have the power to hold yourself back and nothing/no one else.
source: gistping.com
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
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SHE did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number—not his—and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
In my therapy/counselling office in Accra, week after week, I sit with couples whose marriages are not broken by infidelity, but by invoices. If you ask me what is quietly killing Ghanaian marriages today, I will tell you without blinking: it is not that love has died; it is that money honesty never lived.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counselor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
Why do Ghanaian partners hide money?
From my clinical observation, it is not always wickedness. It is often woundedness.
1. The fear of losing power: Especially for men, money is seen as power. “If she knows how much I have, she will control me or disrespect me.” So he hides.
2. Family entanglement: “If my wife knows I give my mother GH¢1,500 every month, there will be trouble.” So he creates a second MoMo account. Many Ghanaian marriages have three accounts—his, hers, and the secret family one.
3. Past trauma: A woman who grew up in a home where her mother begged for chop money will never be honest about her savings. She is not greedy. She is scared. She is saving for her survival.
4. Debt shame: In Ghana today, with easy access to Qwikloan, Fido, and bank salary loans, many young men and women enter marriage already drowning in debt. They hide it because they feel, “If I tell him/her, they won’t marry me.”
So the hiding begins. And that is where the insurance lapses.
The 3 Devastating Prices You Pay For Financial Secrecy
Research from Kansas State University found that arguments about money are the number one predictor of divorce, more than arguments about children, in-laws, or sex. Why? Because money arguments are never about money. They are about trust, respect, and security.
Price 1: It destroys trust faster than infidelity.
When you discover your spouse has a secret child, you are hurt. When you discover your spouse has a secret debt that loan officers are now chasing YOU for, you feel betrayed and foolish. Clients tell me, “Counselor, I can forgive cheating, but I cannot forgive that he made me look like a fool at the bank.”
Price 2: It creates chronic anxiety in your home.
A home where money is a mystery is a home where no one sleeps well. The wife is always checking his phone not for other women, but for loan alerts. The husband is always anxious when his wife says, “Can we talk?” You cannot have intimacy where there is financial anxiety.
Price 3: It teaches your children to lie.
Children are watching. When daddy says, “Tell anyone who calls that I am not around because of money,” you are teaching your son that lying about money is normal. We are raising a generation of financially dishonest partners.
