Obaa Yaa
Should l take revenge on my ex boyfriend?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We were friends from the Senior High School and became lovers throughout our stay in the university. Our friendship developed to the stage that he said ” l am the apple of his eyes” and he promised to marry me for which l did not hesitate to accept his proposal.
A year after we had completed our programmes in the university, l missed my period, despite the efforts l did to protect myself from being pregnant.
l was embarrassed in view of the situation in which l found myself. l could neither eat nor sleep, and all those who saw me at that time discovered that l had a serious problem in hand.
Though he pleaded with me to abort my pregnancy, l failed to comply. However, with time, he mounted pressure on me again and further explained that he was not employed, therefore, he would not be in the position to support me from the antenatal stage through to the time l would be delivered of my baby.
Later, he brought me some herbal concoction which he got from a friend and forced me to take it, failure to which he would refuse to accept the pregnancy and cease to talk to me.
l eventually obliged and took the concoction after which l bled for hours unending and later developed serious complications.
l became unconscious and was rushed to the hospital at the point of death, but was lucky to recover early. l was subsequently discharged after three weeks.
The medical doctor who treated me told my mother that he feared l would not be able to give birth in the future.
Now that l have complications due to the abortion, he has abandoned me and impregnated another lady whom he has promised to marry.
Naturally, l feel cheated and l am considering to take revenge. What should l do?
Nana Awurama.
Dear Nana Awurama,
First of all, we thank God for sparing your life and the ordeal that you have endured.
Take heart as you go through serious emotional moments. It is unfortunate that you allowed yourself to be deceived into taking a decision which is going to cause you the rest of your life, and for which you have yourself to blame.
It is not clear the sort of revenge you intend to take. No matter your plans, revenge could lead you into serious trouble if care is not taken, because you may be influenced by the anger in you to react.
Allow him to go ahead with his planned marriage if his conscience permits him.
Commit yourself to God and He will direct your path. Seek for forgiveness from God and hold nothing in your heart against him.
Forgiveness needs a broad, great and tender heart which you must hold unto and utilise to your benefit.
Dear Obaa Yaa
I GOT married to a lady from my hometown (name withheld) because tradition does not allow us to marry people from other places. We have been living in Europe for the past six years after marriage, but she is very demanding.
For all these years, anytime my wife gets pregnant, she’ll always tell me she wants to deliver in Ghana so that she can get some help in taking care of the baby. Meanwhile, giving birth in Europe would have been a great benefit to my wife.
However, my wife is currently in Ghana to give birth to our second child and wants to spend about six months. Luckily, her brother disclosed to me about the building projects my wife was handling. That’s how I found out she wants to deliver in Ghana to supervise them. Obaa Yaa, I am confused.
—Enoch, Hamburg
Dear Enoch
I DON’T really understand why your wife is playing smart. From the look of things, both of you are happily married and making memories. The question is, what stops her from telling you that she is building in Ghana and needs your support?
I will suggest that you demand to know from her the source of the money she is using for the projects. Open communication is key to resolving this matter and ensuring trust in your marriage.
Dear Obaa Yaa
I AM a 30-year-old lady who holds a degree in Business Administration from the University of Ghana (Legon). I am married to a very wealthy man who provides me with everything I need.
My problem, however, is that my husband doesn’t want me to work. His explanation is that I am too beautiful, and for that matter, he is scared to lose me. His explanation doesn’t make sense, and I am very angry about his decision.
Secondly, the children are too young, and he is also not ready to employ a nanny, which makes me feel that I am a prisoner. This is a serious problem, and if I am not careful, it will affect my health since I am always indoors. I need your view on this, Obaa Yaa.
—Tina, Ada
Dear Tina
I UNDERSTAND where you are coming from because you want to work and explore. In this era, even if your husband is a billionaire, you need to work to make your own money in case any misfortune happens.
He pays me GH₵5,000 every month for being a housewife, so he doesn’t see the need for me to stress myself about work. I am not happy with this sort of life because, as a woman, it is not everything that I can ask from him. This has been my headache for some time now. Initially, I didn’t see it as a problem, but I realised that in the 21st century, being an independent woman is the best.
For close to five years, I have virtually been under house arrest; I am getting the feeling along the line that when only one person shoulders all costs at home, it makes the other person feel useless.
You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Tell him that even if he doesn’t want you to work for any company, he should set up a business for you to manage to reduce the boredom in your life. I hope that if you subtly put this point across, he will change his mind and get you something to do.
