Obaa Yaa
She changed after admission to Legon
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a banker working with one of the prestigious banking sectors in Ghana. In 2020, I met a very pretty young lady who had just completed her secondary education and was preparing to proceed to the University of Ghana Legon.
Prior to her entry into Legon, I proposed love to her and she gave in later but on condition that we did not engage in any sexual activity until we are ready to marry.
I fully complied with it and for over two years, we never had sex. In 2023 she finally gained admission into Legon and after three months on campus she started showing signs of disinterest in me, though she has sworn to me that she will never disappoint me in life.
When I demanded to know where I have wronged her, she could not say anything tangible to me. I have done all things to get her attention back but it seems, she has already made up her mind.
After sometime, I also decided to stay away from her though, I did not intend to call it quits until when she got to the second year when we met again and told her of the pain I had gone through.
She sounded encouraging, so we started through to the final year. My problem is that anytime this lady got out of my life, I find it difficult to meet another partner comparable to her. I still love her, what should I do?
Darko, Mankessim.
Dear Darko,
When it comes to love people take it on a smooth journey, others are not lucky.
From the look of things, I can tell that your girlfriend is no more interested in the relationship. She might have another suitor at school.
You made it known to me that you still love her and you want to make her your wife.
In my opinion, if she continues to give you attitude and pretend you don’t exist, kindly walk away for your peace and sanity.
You made a statement that, it is difficult to get a suitor just as your girlfriend. My advice to you is that, don’t rush, relax and give yourself some time to heal. You will definitely find a suitor who will give you peace and love.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
