Relationship
Secrets to create meaningful relationships Know yourself to know others
When you learn to dig deep within yourself, you begin to learn about others more. The more you allow people to connect with you; you’d get to know them better in return. You’d know how to reach the very depth of people.
You alone are responsible for your feelings.
Don’t give people the power to control your mind or heart. You’re personal and perfectly capable of deciding how you feel about specific circumstances or people. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
Be yourself, at all costs.
If someone doesn’t like you, it’s not your responsibility to change their opinion. You shouldn’t have to please anyone. Don’t change yourself to gain acceptance. Be proud of who you’re. You’re one of a kind. And if people can’t accept you for who you’re, you don’t need to keep them around.
Despite all the differences, people are essentially the same
Sure everyone you meet will be a little different from you, but what is life without a bit of colour. At the same time, you’d have at least a few things in common with the people you meet. Our similarities can link us and be the foundation of something unique.
No expectations, no disappointments
Not everyone has the same heart as yours. Not everyone is going to treat you the way you treat them. Don’t set any expectations from anyone; you might end up hurt. So spare yourself the pain, but be the best you can be. And let people surprise you. And if you meet someone who isn’t precisely lovely every once in a while, this habit of yours wouldn’t allow you to be affected much by them.
Listen to them attentively!
If someone’s sitting before you talking about something, listen to them intently, even if it doesn’t seem essential to you. It’s critical enough for them to speak to you about it, and you should respect that. Moreover, they’re talking to you about it because they expect you to listen and understand, don’t let them down. Even if the subject of the conversation doesn’t matter, the person talking matters, all the same; don’t be disrespectful.
Love yourself more, to be loved more
The more you love yourself, you’ll attract people who’d be capable of loving you with the same intensity. You’re showing people what you want and how you deserve to be treated. It works as a filter; only the people who’re willing to live up to those standards will dare reach out to you.
Don’t let the fear of getting hurt turn into the fear of falling in love
Please don’t play it safe; you’re never going to have a chance of finding what you’re looking for. Feelings are reciprocated. Love with all your heart, to be loved the same way. When it isn’t returned, it does hurt with the same intensity, but it teaches you how to cope with heartbreak all the same.
Love unconditionally
You are only responsible for what you do and how you feel. Love without any expectations of it being returned. You get back what you put out. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt.
Stop chasing people or things. What’s meant for you will find you
Focus on being the kind of person you’d want in your life. Don’t run after the things or people you think might be right for you. The right people and circumstances will find you when the time is right. Be the right person, and the right things will come to you.
To be continued.
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
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SHE did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number—not his—and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
In my therapy/counselling office in Accra, week after week, I sit with couples whose marriages are not broken by infidelity, but by invoices. If you ask me what is quietly killing Ghanaian marriages today, I will tell you without blinking: it is not that love has died; it is that money honesty never lived.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counselor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
Why do Ghanaian partners hide money?
From my clinical observation, it is not always wickedness. It is often woundedness.
1. The fear of losing power: Especially for men, money is seen as power. “If she knows how much I have, she will control me or disrespect me.” So he hides.
2. Family entanglement: “If my wife knows I give my mother GH¢1,500 every month, there will be trouble.” So he creates a second MoMo account. Many Ghanaian marriages have three accounts—his, hers, and the secret family one.
3. Past trauma: A woman who grew up in a home where her mother begged for chop money will never be honest about her savings. She is not greedy. She is scared. She is saving for her survival.
4. Debt shame: In Ghana today, with easy access to Qwikloan, Fido, and bank salary loans, many young men and women enter marriage already drowning in debt. They hide it because they feel, “If I tell him/her, they won’t marry me.”
So the hiding begins. And that is where the insurance lapses.
The 3 Devastating Prices You Pay For Financial Secrecy
Research from Kansas State University found that arguments about money are the number one predictor of divorce, more than arguments about children, in-laws, or sex. Why? Because money arguments are never about money. They are about trust, respect, and security.
Price 1: It destroys trust faster than infidelity.
When you discover your spouse has a secret child, you are hurt. When you discover your spouse has a secret debt that loan officers are now chasing YOU for, you feel betrayed and foolish. Clients tell me, “Counselor, I can forgive cheating, but I cannot forgive that he made me look like a fool at the bank.”
Price 2: It creates chronic anxiety in your home.
A home where money is a mystery is a home where no one sleeps well. The wife is always checking his phone not for other women, but for loan alerts. The husband is always anxious when his wife says, “Can we talk?” You cannot have intimacy where there is financial anxiety.
Price 3: It teaches your children to lie.
Children are watching. When daddy says, “Tell anyone who calls that I am not around because of money,” you are teaching your son that lying about money is normal. We are raising a generation of financially dishonest partners.
