Obaa Yaa
My husband is a ‘wife-beater’
Dear Obaa Yaa,
WE have been married for the past 10 years but I have no peace in my home. My husband beats me in front of our children after any slight misunderstanding.
Last night, my husband slapped me so hard to the extent that I fell on the floor. My 7-year-old son ran to cover me with his body, crying and screaming.
Anytime he beats me, the children hide in the corner and say they will never marry a man like their father.
My children are traumatised and always scared when their father gets home.
I want to leave but I am unemployed and with no family support. I am afraid my children will grow up thinking violence is normal.
I need an advice. How do I move on from this? How do I protect my children?
From Akorfa, Accra.
Dear Akorfa,
I am really sorry you are going through this and I can imagine how difficult it is.
Marriage is supposed to be peaceful, all about happiness and offer support to each other. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, especially in front of children.
Have you sat down with your husband to discuss the current situation and how it is affecting the children?
Your safety and well-being are the most important things now and besides, you need to reach a family member, a pastor or any elderly person for counselling.
For the meantime, I will urge you to move out to a safer place. It could be a family house or a friend’s house because the issue will affect the children.
If possible, keep records of incidents like date and time. That can help if you decide to pursue legal action.
Dear Obaa Yaa
I GOT married to a lady from my hometown (name withheld) because tradition does not allow us to marry people from other places. We have been living in Europe for the past six years after marriage, but she is very demanding.
For all these years, anytime my wife gets pregnant, she’ll always tell me she wants to deliver in Ghana so that she can get some help in taking care of the baby. Meanwhile, giving birth in Europe would have been a great benefit to my wife.
However, my wife is currently in Ghana to give birth to our second child and wants to spend about six months. Luckily, her brother disclosed to me about the building projects my wife was handling. That’s how I found out she wants to deliver in Ghana to supervise them. Obaa Yaa, I am confused.
—Enoch, Hamburg
Dear Enoch
I DON’T really understand why your wife is playing smart. From the look of things, both of you are happily married and making memories. The question is, what stops her from telling you that she is building in Ghana and needs your support?
I will suggest that you demand to know from her the source of the money she is using for the projects. Open communication is key to resolving this matter and ensuring trust in your marriage.
Dear Obaa Yaa
I AM a 30-year-old lady who holds a degree in Business Administration from the University of Ghana (Legon). I am married to a very wealthy man who provides me with everything I need.
My problem, however, is that my husband doesn’t want me to work. His explanation is that I am too beautiful, and for that matter, he is scared to lose me. His explanation doesn’t make sense, and I am very angry about his decision.
Secondly, the children are too young, and he is also not ready to employ a nanny, which makes me feel that I am a prisoner. This is a serious problem, and if I am not careful, it will affect my health since I am always indoors. I need your view on this, Obaa Yaa.
—Tina, Ada
Dear Tina
I UNDERSTAND where you are coming from because you want to work and explore. In this era, even if your husband is a billionaire, you need to work to make your own money in case any misfortune happens.
He pays me GH₵5,000 every month for being a housewife, so he doesn’t see the need for me to stress myself about work. I am not happy with this sort of life because, as a woman, it is not everything that I can ask from him. This has been my headache for some time now. Initially, I didn’t see it as a problem, but I realised that in the 21st century, being an independent woman is the best.
For close to five years, I have virtually been under house arrest; I am getting the feeling along the line that when only one person shoulders all costs at home, it makes the other person feel useless.
You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Tell him that even if he doesn’t want you to work for any company, he should set up a business for you to manage to reduce the boredom in your life. I hope that if you subtly put this point across, he will change his mind and get you something to do.
