Relationship
My friend ‘Jesse Crow’
Friendship is something that God has established as part of human existence.
We sometimes do not choose our friends but it happens accidentally. Some friendships begin on a bus, a train, a plane, in school among others.A cousin of mine got a friend who became a link to a better life on a plane to Libya in 1989.
My friendship with Ofosu Appiah aka. Jesse Crow, however happened on SUTESCO Campus at Suhum, in the Eastern region. SUTESCO as I knew it back then in the mid-1980s, could be considered as the repository of Ghana’s independence. Once you gain admission into Form 1, you are sure to complete Form 5 barring death or illness. It is an atmosphere of freedom where you can choose to study deep into the night in the classroom without hindrance.
Therefore those who were serious with their books usually passed well in the General Certificate Examination for both the Ordinary and Advanced levels. Those who chose to just pass through the school without bordering about their grades and final examinations as you can imagine, also flopped badly.
It was a land of the extremes. The reason for talking about my friend Jesse Crow is the motivation of ‘heaven’ his memory gives me any time his name comes to mind.
His memory motivates me to be a better Christian and strive to abide in the grace of God so I could make it to heaven one day.
Motivation is a very important positive force which drives people to achieve a lot of things in their lives. Things that motivate people vary from money, love, happiness among others.
Some people have become regular members of a particular church now because they were first attracted by their songs, or the neatness of their washrooms or the friendliness of the ushers.
Motivation can also be the fear of a negative consequence like being a law abiding citizen for fear of being in prison. The funny way memory of Jesse Crow motivates me is the fact that, having led a church boy’s life, it would be a travesty of justice if I do not walk in obedience to God’s word as a Christian and end up in hell and Jesse Crow ends up in heaven, in the hereafter.
This is because of the things Jesse Crow had been involved in before he became converted and if the bad things I had done were to be compared to that of my friend Jesse Crow, I would be considered an Angel. Jesse Crow’s conversion was one of the greatest miracles of God on SUTESCO Campus between 1984 1nd 1985.
I recall the shock on the face of our then House Master, Mr. Amo when he realised that Jesse Crow was converted.
He was so excited that he promised his full support for the Scripture Union group in the school. A funny story is told of a day when his father came to the school to pay him a visit and for quite a while he could not find his son Ofosu Appiah.
Apart from his classmates, who knew his real name, most students only knew him as Jesse Crow, so there was Daddy looking for his son Ofosu Appiah who nobody knew until a classmate came along and the chap asked him if he knew one Ofosu Appiah and he said “Oh, it’s Jesse Crow”.
His father was surprised that his son’s name has changed from Ofosu Appiah to something else. That is what a school environment can do to young people who come from areas like Tema and Accra.
I am looking forward to the day that I would see him face-to-face and shout out his name “Jesse Crow” and the expected response “O rai, Body” i.e. Albright Buddy in that deep voice of His. That day would be a joyous moment. The last time I heard of him was when I was told that he had become a drummer in one of the Charismatic churches in Tema. Again I later heard that he had travelled to Canada. It is my prayer that both of us will continue to abide in the grace of God so we shall end up in heaven one day.
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
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SHE did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number—not his—and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
In my therapy/counselling office in Accra, week after week, I sit with couples whose marriages are not broken by infidelity, but by invoices. If you ask me what is quietly killing Ghanaian marriages today, I will tell you without blinking: it is not that love has died; it is that money honesty never lived.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counselor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
Why do Ghanaian partners hide money?
From my clinical observation, it is not always wickedness. It is often woundedness.
1. The fear of losing power: Especially for men, money is seen as power. “If she knows how much I have, she will control me or disrespect me.” So he hides.
2. Family entanglement: “If my wife knows I give my mother GH¢1,500 every month, there will be trouble.” So he creates a second MoMo account. Many Ghanaian marriages have three accounts—his, hers, and the secret family one.
3. Past trauma: A woman who grew up in a home where her mother begged for chop money will never be honest about her savings. She is not greedy. She is scared. She is saving for her survival.
4. Debt shame: In Ghana today, with easy access to Qwikloan, Fido, and bank salary loans, many young men and women enter marriage already drowning in debt. They hide it because they feel, “If I tell him/her, they won’t marry me.”
So the hiding begins. And that is where the insurance lapses.
The 3 Devastating Prices You Pay For Financial Secrecy
Research from Kansas State University found that arguments about money are the number one predictor of divorce, more than arguments about children, in-laws, or sex. Why? Because money arguments are never about money. They are about trust, respect, and security.
Price 1: It destroys trust faster than infidelity.
When you discover your spouse has a secret child, you are hurt. When you discover your spouse has a secret debt that loan officers are now chasing YOU for, you feel betrayed and foolish. Clients tell me, “Counselor, I can forgive cheating, but I cannot forgive that he made me look like a fool at the bank.”
Price 2: It creates chronic anxiety in your home.
A home where money is a mystery is a home where no one sleeps well. The wife is always checking his phone not for other women, but for loan alerts. The husband is always anxious when his wife says, “Can we talk?” You cannot have intimacy where there is financial anxiety.
Price 3: It teaches your children to lie.
Children are watching. When daddy says, “Tell anyone who calls that I am not around because of money,” you are teaching your son that lying about money is normal. We are raising a generation of financially dishonest partners.
