Obaa Yaa
My boyfriend loves another girl
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 17 years and in love with a 22- year- old boy. We have planned to marry in future.
Unfortunately, my dear one is in love with another lady who is a talkative person and responsible for every misunderstanding in the community. This lady is known for causing a stir in the area and has succeeded in bringing problems among families.
On many occasions, my lover had praised people who were frank to express their feelings and on the other hand said l was too quiet for his liking.
Though we move on very well, l have realised that he loves the other lady more than he loves me and from all indications he is likely to marry her instead of me.
I love him so much and l would like to be his wife. What can l do to win his love? I cannot stay without him.
Maame Esi,
Accra.
Dear Maame Esi,
Your letter contains a lot of information and warnings from which one can easily draw useful lessons.
In the first instance, you are too young to be saddled with marital issues. What you ought to do now is to concentrate on your education, try to secure a firm ground, attain the required age before you marry.
Your lover has informed you about the type of lady he loves. His revelation that you are too quiet for his liking is a clear signal that you are not in his good books and he could easily leave you for the other lady.
Irrespective of the fact that you have planned to marry and you still love him, you must get yourself ready for any eventualities.
Couple who love each other no matter their differences can stay together for a long time. However, where there are differences at the beginning of the relationship and preferences are made, then one must be careful and take a wise decision at the right time.
Though you love him and are prepared to marry him, he does not reciprocate the same measure of love for you, therefore, you cannot force him to love you. Don’t worry if he decides to end the relationship.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
