My wife owns a three-bedroom house in Accra, in a very good and convenient location. However, despite owning the house, we currently live in a one-bedroom apartment where our three children have to sleep in the hall.

After my wife won a legal case concerning the house, I assumed that we would move into it as a family. She explained that some repair works needed to be done before we could move in. I accepted this because I knew the house needed some renovation.

I later realised my wife has given out the space to a cousin. I feel that this decision should have been discussed with me, particularly because it directly affects our family’s living conditions. At the same time, I do not want this situation to turn into a fight about ownership or create unnecessary tension in our marriage.

How should I approach my wife about the situation, and what would be a fair solution for both of us and our children?

Apenteng, Kyebi

Dear Apenteng,

Your wife legally owning the house does not automatically mean that she must use it as a family home. It is reasonable for you to ask why the possibility of moving into the house was not discussed with before it was given to someone else.

I would suggest you have a good conversation with her rather that confronting her with anger.

Better still you can also try as much as possible and get a space and move out with your family if the space is not enough.

I don’t see why you are relying solely on your wife’s property.

Dear Obaa Yaa

My husband and I have two children – a six-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. Since our daughter was born, my husband has taken responsibility for bathing our son and getting him ready for school. However, when it comes to our daughter, he refuses to help.

Even when I am exhausted, unwell or running late from work, he will bathe the boy but leave the girl for me.

His reason was that he is a man and therefore should not bathe his daughter.

The situation has also begun to affect our daughter and sometimes cries.

I understand that people have different cultural beliefs and personal boundaries, but I am struggling to understand my husband’s position. 

Is there an unwritten cultural or religious taboo that prevents a father from bathing his own daughter? 

More importantly, how can I handle this situation without creating conflict in our marriage while also making sure that both children feel equally loved, cared for and valued by their father?

What should I do?

Lizzy, Oda

Koforidua.

Dear Lizzy,

There is nothing inherently wrong with a father helping to bathe his young daughter. In many families, fathers care for, bathe, dress and attend to both sons and daughters when they are young. 

Your husband’s discomfort may come from his cultural upbringing, personal beliefs about gender, religious interpretation, or simply a boundary he has chosen for himself. 

However, that does not mean you should be left carrying the entire responsibility for your daughter, especially when you are working, cooking and sometimes unwell.

Don’t raise the issue while he is bathing your son or while your daughter is crying. Explain calmly that the concern is not simply about bathing; it is about sharing parental responsibilities fairly.

If it is cultural, discuss whether that tradition is something both of you genuinely want to follow in your household.

Pay attention to your daughter’s feelings. Explain to her how daddy loves and adore her and the brother.

The bigger problem appears to be that your husband’s gender boundary has resulted in you becoming solely responsible for your daughter, even when you are sick or exhausted. That needs to change.

My husband and I have two children – a six-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. Since our daughter was born, my husband has taken responsibility for bathing our son and getting him ready for school. However, when it comes to our daughter, he refuses to help.