Features
Lady teachers and swollen bellies
When I was a kid I didn’t like female teachers. They would come at the beginning of the term all nice and dainty, but soon their bellies started growing for no apparent reason.
Their pretty faces will become contorted and distorted and they kept hoarding saliva in the mouth. I thought that was not very civil.
And when will the belly of Mrs stop growing out of proportion? I would wonder who was the bastard that inflicted Mrs with a balloon stomach. Yes the bastard! Who did he think he was?
Didn’t he know that Mrs couldn’t carry such a belly all by herself? And that she kept marking correct arithmetic work wrong?
I often got angry and went to my Dad to complain about the Mrs “She marked this answer wrong”.
I’d tell Papa, tearfully. “Bring it let’s see!
My Dad would look at the sum. “I think you are right,” he would say. “I wonder why she marked it wrong.”
“That woman, she is always dozing!” I’d tell my Papa. “This morning she tried to vomit, but nothing came. And half the time she is angry with everybody”.
“What might be the reason?”
“I think it is her belly. It is too large. Or is it the saliva in her mouth?”
I decided to ask Mrs why she was keeping saliva in her mouth.
The next morning I went to school and we were told that Mrs had gone on “maternity leave.” And what did that mean?
We were told that soon, she would be having a baby. Nonsense! How possibly could a baby as large as the one in Mrs stomach come out? Through which exit? They must be joking!
Sooner than expected, the class was informed that Mrs’ had delivered a bouncing baby boy. And so what? She was supposed to be in class teaching us English grammar not delivering bouncing babies.
Meanwhile, the male teacher who took over was quite different. We all noticed that contrary to expectation, his belly did not grow. At least not frontally or laterally. And he did not store saliva in his mouth. More so, he was arithmetically alert. The class was happy although he liked caning the pupils.
The man did not doze and he’d take us to PE and also teach us Christmas songs. He spoke decent English and marked the exercises on time. Then one morning he announced to us that a female trainee teacher would be coming to teach us for a while. She was from a training college. I wondered whether this one was also afflicted with a swollen belly.
PRETTY
She turned out to be a very young pretty daisy. I liked her! “My name is Miss Amoah,” she intoned. “I’ll be teaching you for the next few weeks.”
I looked at her belly. I needed to reassure myself that she was not encumbered with a ‘bouncing baby.’ My goodness! Or was it because she was Miss and not a Mrs? What was the difference anyway? “I hope you are all good boys and girls.”
“Yes Miss!” we shouted in alacrity.
“I don’t like boys who talk in class. They end up as gutter cleaners!”
We all laughed heartily and drummed on our desks. Certainly the Miss had a sense of humour in her head. How did she know that such boys ended in the gutter? And will they wear Wellington boots when doing the clean out?
“And girls who talk in class, do you know where they end up?” she asked.
“Yes!” we chorused.
“Who can tell me?”
“Farm!” one pupil said. “No!”
“In market selling tomato and garden eggs.”
“No!” said Miss Amoah.
“Hell!” (Laughter)
I raised my hand, I thought I knew this one.
“Yes you there!” Miss Amoah pointed at me.
“She’d end up with a swollen belly full of babies!”
The entire class convulsed into laughter. And it was Miss Amoah who laughed the most.
She couldn’t conjecture how I could come up with the idea of a distended belly containing babies just because a girl talked too much in class. But she realised upon a little bit of cogitation that there could be a link between talkative and babies.
DROPOUT
After all, isn’t it those who are idle talkers who aren’t serious with their academic work and end up getting pregnant and dropping out of school?
Last weekend, I watched it live on television when President Kufuor presented three cars to three lady teachers as the best teachers in Sikaman. I protested loudly. What have the male teachers been doing? Bearing babies?
My wife was overjoyed that female teachers were making a mark. But my daughter was a bit skeptical. “How were they adjudged the best?” she asked me.
“Ask your mother!”
This article was first published on Saturday, November 12, 2005
Merari Alomele’s
• Female teachers bellies starts growing for no apparent reason
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Today, I focus on the Apostolic Church International in Finland, as I continue with my description of institutions and personalities and their accomplishments as members of the Ghanaian Diaspora in Finland.
The Apostolic Church International, Finland (or, Apostolic International Association Ry) was established in October 9, 2023. The Church in Finland has seen significant strides and accomplishments within the short time that it has been established in Finland, which must be highlighted.
History of the Church in Ghana
The Apostolic Church Ghana originated from the 1904–1905 Welsh revival, officially established in Ghana (then called Gold Coast) in 1935 following connections between a local prayer group in Asamankese (a town in southern Ghana), led by Peter Newman Anim, and the Apostolic Church, UK. There were historical splits in 1939 and 1953, but the Apostolic Church attained autonomy in 1985.
Today, the Church is headquartered in Accra. Last year (2025), it dedicated its new 10-storey headquarters, “The Apostolic Church Tower,” in Frafraha, Adenta West in Accra.
Activities of the Apostolic Church in Finland
The Apostolic Church in Finland conducts church service on Sundays. The service starts at 11a.m. in the morning and closes by 1 p.m. in the afternoon. There are no other activities during other days for now.
The Minister in charge of the church in Finland is also the Area Head of Italy Area. He is Pastor Daniel Kofi Addison who is the new Italy Area Head, and has just been transferred from UK South Area to Italy Area during the just-ended Council Meeting in March this year. Italy Area comprises Italy, which has 13 Assemblies, Germany, one Assembly, and Finland, one Assembly.
Elder Ebenezer Amoaning-Coffie is the Presiding Elder in charge of the Assembly in Finland. A Presiding Elder is responsible for day to day activities of the church (Assembly) and reports to the District Pastor, or in the absence of the District Pastor, reports to the Area Head.
Achievements
The Apostolic Church International, Finland was officially registered under the Finnish Law, guaranteeing freedom of worship and providing legal foundation for future growth. The church service is conducted in both English and Twi.
The church opens its doors to all people of every nation, especially Ghanaians who are in Finland and other African nationals. Now, the membership comprises Ghanaians, Nigerians and Sierra Leoneans.
The Church and the Ghanaian migrant community in Finland
The Apostolic Church in Finland plays a prominent role as a religious group that serves Ghanaian migrants and others in the Finnish society.
Thus, the Apostolic Church is a religious body for Ghanaian migrants in Finland and other nationalities who want to worship with them for diversity and better intercultural and multicultural understanding.
Elder Amoaning-Coffie said that the main and primary aim of the church is to bring people closer to God. “We aim to win souls for Christ. We aim to preach the gospel to the world. By propagating the gospel to the people, we are hopeful that they will turn away from any ungodly ways and be good individuals in the community and in society in general”, he stated.
He said that everything is going well so far. A key challenge, however, is how to get more members especially the youth. As a new Assembly, we are in need of instrumentalists, for example. We pray to God Almighty to help us do His work, the Elder disclosed.
Integration
By its activities, the Apostolic Church is helping to ensure integration of its members well into the Finish society. This is important since social interaction and citizens’ well-being are an important part of the integration process in Finland.
As I mentioned some time ago, the role of migrant associations and groups such as the Apostolic Church acting as bridge-builders for the integration and inclusion of migrants through participation in the decision making process and by acting as a representative voice is highly appreciated in Finland. Thank you!
With Dr Perpetual Crentsil
The landscape of the Ghanaian palate is shifting, and not necessarily for the better. In our bustling urban centres, from the streets of Accra to the suburbs of Kumasi, a quiet culinary revolution is taking place; one where the mortar and pestle are being replaced by the pizza oven and the deep fryer. This transition from traditional staple foods like fufu, banku, akple, kenkey, tuo zaafi, and ampesi toward “continental” dishes is more than just a change in appetite; it is a reflection of a deeper social struggle with identity and prestige.
The illusion of modernity
For many, “stepping out” for a meal has become synonymous with consuming foreign cuisine. There is an unspoken social hierarchy where a bowl of Abunuabunu is relegated to the village category, while burgers, pizzas are branded as prestigious choices. We have reached a stage where we equate foreign with modern and local with primitive.
This perception is a dangerous illusion. Our traditional dishes are marvels of culinary engineering complex, nutrient-dense, and deeply rooted in our history. When we choose a processed foreign import over a meal made from local tubers or fermented maize, we are not just changing our lunch; we are eroding the indigenous knowledge attached to our local ingredients and foods.
We need to turn the consumption of indigenous grains and tubers like millet, sorghum, and plantain into a statement of self-worth and national pride.
The cultural and health erosion
Every time a local dish disappears from a restaurant menu to make room for foreign fast food, we lose a piece of our cultural fabric. Traditional Ghanaian cooking is an art that requires patience and skill. By choosing the convenience of foreign fast food, we are raising a generation that may know the taste of a pepperoni pizza but cannot identify the rich, earthy profile of Prekese or the subtle tang of well-fermented dough dishes like corn porridge, banku, etew, abolo, agidi or kamfa, and kenkey.
Furthermore, we are at the crossroads of a nutrition transition. Replacing high-fiber, indigenous crops with calorie-dense but nutrient-poor foreign fast foods is driving a rise in lifestyle diseases such as obesity, hypertension, diabetes, stroke, cancer, and liver disease. We are trading our longevity for 15-minutes convenience or unhealthy diet.
A call for culinary patriotism
It is time for us to appreciate, preserve, and promote our indigenous foods and culinary traditions. We need to be proud of our local dishes, ingredients and cooking methods, rather than relying heavily on foreign or imported foods. We must stop viewing our local delicacies as low-class and start treating our culinary heritage as the high-end gastronomy it truly is.
True sophistication does not come from imitating Western fast food; it comes from innovation and adding values to our own resources. We see glimpses of this potential in the rise of branded Sobolo and the creative use of gluten-free plantain flour in modern baking of flour-based dishes such as bread, cakes, biscuits and others. This is the path forward. We must elevate our local dishes, making them as accessible, affordable, presentable and trendy as any foreign alternative.
To the hospitality industry: Innovate or stagnate
Our hotels and high-end restaurants must lead the charge. They must stop relegating local dishes to the “traditional corner” of the buffet, and apply the same culinary finesse given to imported dishes to our Fante Fante, apapransa, aborbi tadi, fetritoto, akple, abolo, yakayeke, fufu, ampesi, kokonte, wasawasa, tubani, apapransa, mpotompoto, kelewele, aliha, brukutu, pito, and other local dishes. The industry must enhance customer experiences making eating local dishes the ultimate luxury experience for both tourists and residents alike. We must elevate the presentation of our foods by using modern plating techniques to show that a bowl of light soup can be as visually stunning as a French consommé. We need to reclaim our Ghanaian plate before it is too late.
To the policy makers: Let us encourage buying of local ingredients to promote the local food industry and economy. There should be educational programmes and talks about the nutritional and cultural benefits of local foods so that people understand their value.
We need to encourage serving traditional dishes at school programmes, parties, and celebrations instead of only fast foods,
To the Youth: Let us value and appreciate our traditional dishes instead of always choosing foreign foods. There must be balance in our choice of local and foreign dishes. Confidence in our culture encourages others to respect it too. Our local dishes can also be promoted by sharing pictures, recipes, and videos on platforms such as Instagram, TikTok, and WhatsApp to make them attractive and trendy.
Young citizens must learn from their parents and elders how to prepare local meals to keep the knowledge and cultural relevance alive. Local dishes can be modernised to appeal to younger generations and tourists.
Conclusion
We cannot afford to trade our heritage for foreign cuisines which are gaining grounds across the country at an alarming rate. We must disabuse our minds of the perception that anything foreign or imported is better than those locally made. Our health, economy, and identity are tied to the soil. It is time to stop apologising for our local flavours and start celebrating them. It is possible to embrace modernity without losing ourselves and our cultural identity. Let us make the Ghanaian kitchen the heart of our modern identity once again.
By: Marilyn Gadogbe
