Obaa Yaa
I still love my ex-boyfriend
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Dear ObaaYaa,
I am married to a businessman who travels the length and breadth of the country, meeting business partners and always making efforts to increase his stock of goods.
His insatiable desire to become one of the richest businessmen in the country has led him to make more enemies.
He has made money his best friend and excluded everything and has even refused to take interest in me, his wife.
Though l have made my concern known to him, l am not happy because he seems not to be bothered about it and is still going about his business.
How I wished he was around me always, especially when l need him more to fill the vacuum in my life but it is not so.
Unfortunately, a friend proposed a gentleman to me who would keep me company and this has ended in a deep love between us and i find it difficult to stop this.
What should l l do to stop this relationship?
Aku, Kumasi
Dear MaameAkua,
Though the Bible enjoins one to work hard in order to earn a living, one is supposed to do that in moderation by taking into consideration other factors.
Your man cannot give any excuse for the total neglect of his family and solely depend on his business to the detriment of your marriage. He should remember that he has no authority over his body likewise you.
You should once again attempt talking to your husband and let him understand the harm that he is causing to you.
There is the possibility that he has a secret lover or lovers who might have been comforting his bed on his numerous travels and he does not see the essence of satisfying you at home.
Alternatively, it could be that your husband is deeply engrossed in his business and has, therefore, relegated other interests to the background.
As a wife, you should stop the relationship with your new-found lover who has taken over the place of your husband.
Though your husband is not playing his marital role well, this should not give you the privilege to take another man so long as you remain married to him.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
