Obaa Yaa
I am disappointed in him
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
We became close mates at school, attended lectures together, held discussions, studied and did assignments together. These academic activities were carried out in a frank atmosphere and we were happy we had completed our programmes with good grades.
A year after completing school, we continued to exchange text messages, made regular calls and he visited me a couple of occasions. With time, we continued to share intimate information and it became obvious that we loved each other.
This realisation intensified our way of thinking, how we carried and conducted ourselves in public. We managed to meet after church every Sunday to spend a few moments together.
Unfortunately, l became pregnant but was shocked to hear from my lover that he was not responsible for the pregnancy. He failed to call on me as he used to and even blocked my telephone line. This gave me the reason to infer that my so- called lover did not genuinely love me per the action that he took.
Embarrassed about this unfortunate incident, l had to break the news to my mother who later informed my father.
My parents had to consult his parents to trash out the matter.
I was disappointed in him because it became abundantly clear that he was not sincere in his dealings with me.
The matter was finally resolved and his family had to support me financially until l was delivered of my baby and continued for the upkeep of the baby.
When the dust finally settled, he said he was very sorry for what had happened but l must indicate that l was disgraced and seriously hurt by someone who claimed he loved me.
Jennifer, Accra.
Dear Jenifer,
Mutual love can only triumph in an atmosphere where sincerity plays a meaningful part of one’s dealing with the other person. It means love for one another should be paramount even going to the extent of laying down one’s life for the other.
Certain things happen in our lives to teach us lessons, either to prepare us against challenges in future or keep our conducts in check.
Experience is the best teacher, so goes the popular saying, and having known the true character of your so-called lover, you are at liberty to make a definite decision about your dealings with him.
This unfortunate incident has taught you a lesson which you will never forget.
Notwithstanding this incident, concentrate on whatever you are doing to derive maximum benefit from it.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
