Obaa Yaa
I am disappointed in him
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We became close mates at school, attended lectures together, held discussions, studied and did assignments together. These academic activities were carried out in a frank atmosphere and we were happy we had completed our programmes with good grades.
A year after completing school, we continued to exchange text messages, made regular calls and he visited me a couple of occasions. With time, we continued to share intimate information and it became obvious that we loved each other.
This realisation intensified our way of thinking, how we carried and conducted ourselves in public. We managed to meet after church every Sunday to spend a few moments together.
Unfortunately, l became pregnant but was shocked to hear from my lover that he was not responsible for the pregnancy. He failed to call on me as he used to and even blocked my telephone line. This gave me the reason to infer that my so- called lover did not genuinely love me per the action that he took.
Embarrassed about this unfortunate incident, l had to break the news to my mother who later informed my father.
My parents had to consult his parents to trash out the matter.
I was disappointed in him because it became abundantly clear that he was not sincere in his dealings with me.
The matter was finally resolved and his family had to support me financially until l was delivered of my baby and continued for the upkeep of the baby.
When the dust finally settled, he said he was very sorry for what had happened but l must indicate that l was disgraced and seriously hurt by someone who claimed he loved me.
Jennifer, Accra.
Dear Jenifer,
Mutual love can only triumph in an atmosphere where sincerity plays a meaningful part of one’s dealing with the other person. It means love for one another should be paramount even going to the extent of laying down one’s life for the other.
Certain things happen in our lives to teach us lessons, either to prepare us against challenges in future or keep our conducts in check.
Experience is the best teacher, so goes the popular saying, and having known the true character of your so-called lover, you are at liberty to make a definite decision about your dealings with him.
This unfortunate incident has taught you a lesson which you will never forget.
Notwithstanding this incident, concentrate on whatever you are doing to derive maximum benefit from it.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
