Obaa Yaa
I am disappointed in him
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We became close mates at school, attended lectures together, held discussions, studied and did assignments together. These academic activities were carried out in a frank atmosphere and we were happy we had completed our programmes with good grades.
A year after completing school, we continued to exchange text messages, made regular calls and he visited me a couple of occasions. With time, we continued to share intimate information and it became obvious that we loved each other.
This realisation intensified our way of thinking, how we carried and conducted ourselves in public. We managed to meet after church every Sunday to spend a few moments together.
Unfortunately, l became pregnant but was shocked to hear from my lover that he was not responsible for the pregnancy. He failed to call on me as he used to and even blocked my telephone line. This gave me the reason to infer that my so- called lover did not genuinely love me per the action that he took.
Embarrassed about this unfortunate incident, l had to break the news to my mother who later informed my father.
My parents had to consult his parents to trash out the matter.
I was disappointed in him because it became abundantly clear that he was not sincere in his dealings with me.
The matter was finally resolved and his family had to support me financially until l was delivered of my baby and continued for the upkeep of the baby.
When the dust finally settled, he said he was very sorry for what had happened but l must indicate that l was disgraced and seriously hurt by someone who claimed he loved me.
Jennifer, Accra.
Dear Jenifer,
Mutual love can only triumph in an atmosphere where sincerity plays a meaningful part of one’s dealing with the other person. It means love for one another should be paramount even going to the extent of laying down one’s life for the other.
Certain things happen in our lives to teach us lessons, either to prepare us against challenges in future or keep our conducts in check.
Experience is the best teacher, so goes the popular saying, and having known the true character of your so-called lover, you are at liberty to make a definite decision about your dealings with him.
This unfortunate incident has taught you a lesson which you will never forget.
Notwithstanding this incident, concentrate on whatever you are doing to derive maximum benefit from it.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
