Obaa Yaa
He has broken my heart
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a Level 300 student in the university and started a relationship with a gentleman in October last year.
I was deeply involved with him to the extent that I thought I had found the ideal man I had prayed for and was not prepared to listen to anyone but was ready to spend the rest of my life with him.
This young man gave me the assurance that he was everything I needed in a relationship and was prepared to marry me.
Before reaching this decision, he introduced me to a couple of friends that I was the one he was going to marry and promised to take me to his parents. This gave me the impression that I was the only person in his life and that he will do everything to marry me.
Early this year, there were signs that our union was not on a sound footing because he received series of calls from a particular lady but he declined to pick the calls. Later he picked and promised to call the person later. This confirmed my fears that there was something wrong with our relationship.
My initial enquiries proved that he had somebody but he denied when I questioned him. It became clear that the nice bond of love that we claimed to have established was a stock pile of deceit.
I had the shock of my life when a close friend of his confirmed my fears that my lover has a two-year-old child.
Things became worse before April and we finally had to break up in May.
I never cheated on him but I love this guy and did everything to make him happy. What should I do now since my heart is broken?
Ama, Accra.
Dear Ama,
It is unfortunate that this gentleman has given you the false hope that he was going to marry you and the promise made you to put your trust in him.
Now that you know his character do not give him the opportunity to deceive you that it was a mistake.
Remember that this guy cannot be trusted because he has a child and was only making fun of you.
Thank God that the secret surrounding this gentleman has been revealed and you now know your stand.
Take heart and listen to what your conscience tells you. Re-organise your life and with time, you will definitely get your partner who will be faithful and love you. .
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
