Features
Blaming the Wrong Person
WHEN my bosom friend Kofi Kokotako was awarded a walking stick (Grade 9) in his Ordinary Level mathematics exam, he quickly blamed the maths teacher.
“He taught us the wrong things,” he claimed. I disagreed with him because others had Grade 1. Then he blamed his grandmother. “She is a witch,” he declared. After a while, he confessed, “I just didn’t practice.”
In Sikaman, the average human being blames others for his woes. Normally, the family witch is a stone, you can always swear that there is a spiritual reason behind it. Nothing happens by chance in Sikaman! Never!
If you wanted to wake up at 5.00 am to attend to some urgent business but slept too deeply and ended up getting up at 6.15 a.m., the old lady most probably engineered it electronically, by tuning your mind to a certain frequency far and above 99.7.
No wonder that news have been rife about people butchering, twisting the necks or stamping the buttocks of their mothers and grandmothers for electronically engineering their poverty, “I’ve been seeing her in my dreams telling me I won’t prosper”, they often claim. “Whatever business I do yields nothing. I’ve sold my house and all my belongings in order to survive. She deserves what I did to her. Looks like a bizarre way of judging suspects, you only have to dream and then look for a cutlass, sharpen it properly and detach your grandmother’s nose for no offence committed. And after her death, you still do not prosper!
My former classmate, Sir Kofi Owuo alias Death-By-Poverty, who has a lifelong alliance with Mr Joseph Poverty does not blame witches for his perpetual financial hypertension. He sees the world as one of unequals. ALL MEN ARE NOT EQUAL, at least financially.
Kofi Owuo is not that naive about the nature of the universe and wouldn’t stoop so low as to blame others for his hopelessness. He would rather blame himself for signing that unholy alliance after having refused to prosper. He won’t go and twist the ankle of his grandmother or pull his mother’s ears whether they are long or not.
Neither is he like the 48-year old teacher who created mirth in a Ho Circuit court on November 2 and when he decided not to blame himself. He stole 10 pieces of roofing sheets belonging to a Baptist church and when he was carted he decided to blame something else. He blamed the Economy of Ghana.
In a ‘Times’ report expertly penned by ace-reporter Alberto Mario Noretti, the teacher claimed, both my eldest wife and second child died in February this year, and in the following month, my youngest wife gave birth prematurely.” He ended by saying the prevailing economic situation compelled him to steal and pleaded with the court to deal leniently with him “since the offence was beyond my control.”
The judge was unsympathetic and explained to him that the economic hardships were global and not peculiar to Ghana. He fined him 200,000.
Well, blaming others for our predicament is as old as the beginning of time. When Adam was accused by God of eating the forbidden fruit, he quickly blamed Eve. “The woman you created gave me the fruit and I ate of it.” He didn’t state why he didn’t refuse to eat the fruit. He only wanted to escape blame. A smart guy there!
In Sikaman, blaming others unduly isn’t a new phenomenon. Ex-General I.K. Acheampong became disgusted with everybody blaming him when the rains were not falling that he was compelled to ask Ghanaians whether he was God the rain-maker.
Maybe Ghanaians thought the man was the representative of God on the Sikaman territory and therefore, knew all about the rainfall distribution and why the rains were not falling.
In 1983 when drought and bushfires destroyed our agriculture, many blamed it all on Flight Lt. Rawlings. If Rawlings had not been on the throne, there would have been no drought and no famine, they claimed. When then 1984/85 harvest was good and there was plenty to eat and belch noisily, everyone kept quiet and munched like mad, and never said, “Thank you Rawlings.”
FOOTBALL
Come to football! Any team that is beaten is not actually beaten. It has only been robbed. So the referee must take blame for the loss and if possible given a hefty slap so that next time round he won’t misbehave with the whistle. These days, however, some referees get themselves armed to the teeth before wielding the whistle. Some also engage in macho exercises and can deliver a terrible counter-punch when it comes to it.
In African politics, shifting blame is as old as democracy on the continent. No election has ever been free and fair. Tanzania today is embroiled in an electoral war with blames being apportioned left and right. Cote d’Ivoire has had its fair share and in Sikaman the so-called gurus of Ghana politics are yet to truly ascertain their claim to a stolen verdict. Whether another stolen verdict will be authored in 1996 is only a matter of time.
Well, blaming others for our failures and inconveniences has become part of the social culture. There is nothing wrong when we blame others for our woes so long as it is justifiable and provable. But to go about blaming the President for anything that is not even remotely connected to him is just unfortunate.
CONNECTION
When drivers of floating in Tema were recently being caught and harassed by the municipal authorities, thus causing inconveniences to passengers, some people blamed the government. When one man categorically stated that Rawlings must have ordered the exercise I was overawed. Luckily, another person around asked him whether what he was saying wasn’t stupid. If local authorities engage in an exercise, what earthly connection does it have to the man on top?
It is not strange, though. The President has been blamed for many things he is not culpable for. I won’t be surprised to hear people blaming their failed marriages, inadequate breakfast and natural floods on the President. He may even be responsible when some people constipate or develop kooko.
If for a change we could individually look more into ourselves than at others, we would be finding solutions to our problems. The very instance you keep blaming others, it means you’ve lost sight of your problem in the first place. And you’ll keep looking in the wrong direction for solutions that will never come today or tomorrow.
This article was first published on Saturday, November 11, 1995
By Merari Alomele
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In the pursuit of nurturing healthy, fulfilling relationships, we often focus on understanding our partners, communicating effectively, and navigating conflicts. However, a crucial element is frequently overlooked: self-awareness.
Understanding ourselves is the foundation upon which successful relationships are built. Imagine being in a relationship where every conversation feels like a minefield, and every disagreement leaves you wondering if you are truly understood.
Now, picture a relationship where you feel seen, heard, and valued—not because your partner has magically figured you out, but because you have taken the time to understand yourself. This is the transformative power of self-awareness in relationships.
What is Self-Awareness?
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It is the capacity to reflect on ourselves, acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses, and taking responsibility for our actions. With self-awareness, we are better equipped to manage our emotions, respond to situations more thoughtfully, and make informed decisions that align with our values.
How Self-Awareness Impacts Relationships
- Improved Communication:
When we are aware of our own emotions and needs, we can communicate them more effectively to our partner, reducing misunderstandings and conflicts. By recognising our tendency to become defensive in certain situations, we can take a step back, breathe, and respond more constructively. - Increased Empathy:
Self-awareness allows us to recognise and manage our own biases, enabling us to be more empathetic and understanding towards our partner’s perspective. By acknowledging our own emotional triggers, we can respond to our partner’s needs with more compassion. - Healthier Boundaries:
By understanding our own needs and limits, we can establish and maintain healthy boundaries, preventing codependency and resentment. Self-awareness helps us communicate our boundaries clearly and respectfully, fostering mutual respect in relationships. - Personal Growth:
Self-awareness fosters personal growth, enabling us to work on our flaws and become a better partner, friend, and individual. As we develop self-awareness, we become more resilient, adaptable, and better equipped to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and purpose.
Cultivating Self-Awareness
- Mindfulness and Reflection:
Regular mindfulness practices and self-reflection can help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself. Schedule time for reflection, whether through journaling, meditating, or simply taking a quiet walk in nature. - Journaling:
Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can provide valuable insights into your motivations and behaviors. Reflect on your journal entries to identify patterns, gain clarity, and develop a greater understanding of yourself. - Seek Feedback:
Ask trusted friends, family, or a therapist at Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) for feedback on your strengths and areas for improvement. Be open to constructive criticism and use it as an opportunity for growth and self-awareness. - Embrace Imperfection:
Recognise that nobody is perfect, and it is okay to make mistakes. This mindset allows you to approach self-awareness with kindness and compassion, fostering a more positive and growth-oriented relationship with yourself.
As we cultivate self-awareness, we embark on a journey of growth, discovery, and transformation. By understanding ourselves, we can build stronger, more resilient relationships, and live a more authentic, meaningful life. Self-awareness is not a destination; it is a continuous process of learning, growing, and evolving—and one that requires patience, kindness, and compassion towards ourselves and others.
In conclusion, self-awareness is the cornerstone of healthy, fulfilling relationships. By understanding ourselves, we can communicate more effectively, empathise with our partner, and cultivate personal growth. As we strive to build stronger relationships, let us prioritise self-awareness, embracing our true selves, and loving ourselves for who we are. By doing so, we will become better partners, friends, and individuals—capable of building more profound, lasting connections with others, and living a life that truly reflects our values and aspirations.
To be continued …
By Counselor Prince Offei
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ONE profession which society has battled with is prostitution. Prostitutes can’t be stopped in their tracks. Soldiers have tried, policemen have doubled and redoubled to keep them off the streets. But the prostitute is like the cockroach. Sack it from the kitchen and it moves to the toilet where it can enjoy self-contained facilities. Drive it away from there and it scurries to the bedroom to become the landlord.
Prostitutes can live on land and sea. They are mysterious and defy gravity, a feat—even birds of the air have not successfully accomplished. They can change form and appear as bar girls; they dress like students; act like scholars and speak Oxford English. They are also like the chameleon but once their clients can identify them, no problem. The Sikaman prostitute normally enters the business as an amateur, having been introduced by a professional or a caricature of a pimp. But she learns quickly.
In a short time, she is able to take any size without wailing, unless of course the size is “international”.
Prostitutes are of every tribe, height, weight, colour and notoriety. These days, some are well-schooled with diplomas and degrees. They enter into the world’s oldest profession due to factors ranging from poverty to nymphomania.
Most prostitutes in Sikaman are often not sophisticated in outlook and modus operandi. Often, they easily betray themselves with their gaudy appearance, over-painted faces, skimpy skirts, cigarette in hand, walking with that kind of bottom-wriggling gait that can instantly turn a devoted clergyman into a he-goat.
In developed countries like Spain, prostitution takes different forms. Apart from those you can grab from the cheap bars and ghettos for single night stands and those managed by shameless pimps, there are some who are organised by well-established syndicates and specialised agencies.
If you need a girl for the night, you only have to telephone an agency, describing the kind and breed you want—race, height, size, colour (chocolate?), rudeness, smoking type, strip-teasing, shyness, whatever.
You give your address and the girl on time. You pay by the hour and cost per hour can make you feel dizzy without falling down. You’ll still be steady for the showdown.
The girls have been trained to use tricks and communication skills to make their clients spend several hours without really doing anything. A typical prostitute will make you drink, chat at length (they are very knowledgeable), cook for you, bathe you and breast-feed you. That takes some three hours and you have to pay if you still want her services.
If you grow a bit wiser and protest, and insist vehemently that you are tired of being babied and want some real action now, she’ll do another hour of strip-tease and belly-dance by which time you’re either bored or charged to bursting point.
And finally you will do it but never without a condom. And the kind of condom she’ll give you can’t be torn by any knife around the globe, not even okapi. Before you’re finally through, you’ve got some five-hour helluva bill to pay. Next time round, you’ll think twice and go in for the cheap-side who’ll even allow you to do it without condoms if you are tired of living and want to die of AIDS.
In Sikaman, apart from those who operate from hotels and bars, some operate in private homes. The clients come and line-up, each with a hard-on. When the queue is not moving fast some begin to sweat because they have a very low sexual boiling point. If they are not ushered in quickly they can cause problems.
They’ll start grunting and stamping and can disrupt the peaceful and orderly procedure. As it were, such clients need priority attention so that they do not cause a riot and disturb the public peace.
Incidentally, prostitutes don’t like dealing with such clients because they are bad business. They have no biblical patience at all. They rush too much, and that was why a prostitute once asked a client whether he was a Russian because he rushed a bit too much and messed up things.
Prostitution in Sikaman has taken a new turn. Girls as little as sixteen are selling their bodies sometimes with the passive connivance of their mothers. When the girls go out at 9.00 p.m. and return at 3.00 a.m, their mothers let them in without asking questions. Next day, the house is properly fed from the proceeds of the night adventure and everybody is happy and nobody talks. If you talk, no breakfast for you tomorrow morning.
The police are doing quite a job trying to get them off the streets but they go and return just like the cockroach. Many of them are surely agents for the transmission of the AIDS virus because they permit clients to forgo the condom. They only have to pay extra for the “raw” service.
Now, the idea of legalising prostitution has been a very controversial one. If prostitutes can hardly be gotten off the streets since they are defiant and are now very many, why not legalise the profession, issue licences (not to kids), offer them health services and health education, teach them how to protect themselves and others from sexually transmitted diseases and then compel them to pay tax?
That would force children out of the trade because the legal operators will themselves force out the kids who will be competing with them. They would even assist the police to kick out the 15 and 16 year olds.
If a bad phenomenon cannot be wiped out, a way must be found to make it less and less harmless, so that while it doesn’t benefit society in any grand way, it does not also harm it.
Any suggestions?
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