Obaa Yaa
Age difference is disturbing
Obaa Yaa,
I Am 21 years old and a final year student in the university, while he is 38 doing the mandatory National Service.
We were friends for close to two years when one day, he decided to break the silence between us by leading me to the hostel after l had finished lectures.
Though he proposed to me, he was not prepared to answer certain simple questions l asked him.
With time, he became somehow cold towards me for reasons best known to him.
Having moved with him for a couple of years, l have discovered that he is down to earth, respectful, caring, and helps all manner of people in need, and to the best of my knowledge he will be the right husband for me.
Unfortunately, my friends have a different view that the age difference will not be good for both of us to stay as husband and wife.
According to them, they suspect this gentleman to be married, probably having children and could only be interested in having sex with me.
I am surprised by the views of my colleagues and currently having sleepless nights.
What should l do?
Mary- Takoradi.
Dear Mary,
Love knows no bounds and people should be allowed to marry those they really love and are prepared to spend the rest of their lives with.
However, one of the facts which should guide an individual when choosing a spouse is the difference in age.
A few years age difference will not be too much of a bother, but if the difference is about 10 years and more, then people will raise eyebrows.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I took off my wedding rings but could not find it again. I was washing when I took them off and placed them on a wall close to me. Honestly, after washing I forgot to pick them up until the evening, when my husband asked where my ring were, I quickly dashed out of the room to check where I had placed them, but they were not there. My husband made it clear that I was cheating that was why I could take my rings off and lose them.
I was packing to leave the house when the bags fell and I heard a tinkling sound of metals instead of plastic. I looked around the floor, and my rings were lying there.
Who took the rings and kept them there and why would the person do that to me just to shake the foundation of my marriage?
Oye, Tabora.
Dear Oye,
Your husband’s reaction was abusive, not just angry. Accusing you of cheating was just mean.
Rings don’t prove fidelity, trust does. Your response was fair: taking rings off to wash is normal, and cheating has nothing to do with it.
The fact that the rings ‘mysteriously’ ended up in your bags suggests someone moved them deliberately to cause conflict. A partner who jumps to punishment instead of problem-solving will do it again when the next misunderstanding happens.
If indeed your husband threatened and pushed you out, kindly talk to someone you trust in the family or a counsellor before moving back in. If you choose to stay, your husband needs to apologise and let peace to reign.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My life started falling apart the very day I got married. I started experiencing a series of unfortunate events, which nearly broke me.
In the first year into our marriage, I lost a very lucrative job when my wife was pregnant.
I was scheduled for an interview at the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital.
Immediately I got down from a taxi, out of nowhere, a motorbike at full speed knocked me down. I broke my leg and was admitted to the hospital for three months.
I lost the opportunity for the breakthrough. Since then, things have become difficult for my family. Is my problem spiritual or what?
Mawuli, Keta.
Dear Mawuli,
Stop linking your hardships to your wedding. Job loss, accidents, and unemployment are painful situations but that doesn’t mean your marriage is cursed.
In life, there are misfortunes and I urge you to continue to pray hard and wait upon the lord.
Focus on what you can control right now: your health, your finances, and your mental health.
Focus on your leg, take any work to build momentum, and consider therapy to break the “everything is a spiritual attack” cycle. Talk honestly with your wife; you two are a team, not the problem.
