Obaa Yaa
Who is telling the truth?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We have been in a relationship for some years now and planning to get married pretty soon.
However, certain developments are quite disturbing and could end our relationship on a bad note.
My girlfriend had complained to me that my best friend had attempted to have an affair with her. But my friend also informed me that my girl friend has a secret lover who has been meeting her occasionally.
I am disturbed about these pieces of information and do not know the appropriate step to take and who to believe.
I enquired from my girl friend to find out the veracity of the information l had received about her but she has ever since denied indulging in an extra relationship.
Since such issues have the potential to ruin our relationship, what should l do?
Daniel, Dodowa.
Dear Daniel,
I can envisage the situation you find yourself and how confused you may be. This is a serious issue which must be handled with tact and diplomacy.
You have to undertake thorough investigation into the conduct of the two individuals to find out the truth surrounding their claims and who is playing the mischief in this instance.
If your friend’s assertion is true, then it means he has identified your lady as someone who has the tendency to give in easily, hence his decision to take advantage of her.
Marriage should be based on trust and mutual respect for each other since it is a life-long process. That is why you have to study each other very well before you finally tie the knot to start this journey.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I took off my wedding rings but could not find it again. I was washing when I took them off and placed them on a wall close to me. Honestly, after washing I forgot to pick them up until the evening, when my husband asked where my ring were, I quickly dashed out of the room to check where I had placed them, but they were not there. My husband made it clear that I was cheating that was why I could take my rings off and lose them.
I was packing to leave the house when the bags fell and I heard a tinkling sound of metals instead of plastic. I looked around the floor, and my rings were lying there.
Who took the rings and kept them there and why would the person do that to me just to shake the foundation of my marriage?
Oye, Tabora.
Dear Oye,
Your husband’s reaction was abusive, not just angry. Accusing you of cheating was just mean.
Rings don’t prove fidelity, trust does. Your response was fair: taking rings off to wash is normal, and cheating has nothing to do with it.
The fact that the rings ‘mysteriously’ ended up in your bags suggests someone moved them deliberately to cause conflict. A partner who jumps to punishment instead of problem-solving will do it again when the next misunderstanding happens.
If indeed your husband threatened and pushed you out, kindly talk to someone you trust in the family or a counsellor before moving back in. If you choose to stay, your husband needs to apologise and let peace to reign.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My life started falling apart the very day I got married. I started experiencing a series of unfortunate events, which nearly broke me.
In the first year into our marriage, I lost a very lucrative job when my wife was pregnant.
I was scheduled for an interview at the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital.
Immediately I got down from a taxi, out of nowhere, a motorbike at full speed knocked me down. I broke my leg and was admitted to the hospital for three months.
I lost the opportunity for the breakthrough. Since then, things have become difficult for my family. Is my problem spiritual or what?
Mawuli, Keta.
Dear Mawuli,
Stop linking your hardships to your wedding. Job loss, accidents, and unemployment are painful situations but that doesn’t mean your marriage is cursed.
In life, there are misfortunes and I urge you to continue to pray hard and wait upon the lord.
Focus on what you can control right now: your health, your finances, and your mental health.
Focus on your leg, take any work to build momentum, and consider therapy to break the “everything is a spiritual attack” cycle. Talk honestly with your wife; you two are a team, not the problem.
