Obaa Yaa,

 I am a 25-year-old student currently in Level 200, second semester, and I will soon be moving to Level 300.

My boyfriend is 30 years old. He is also a university student and is currently in his final year studying Law. He wants us to start having children soon. 

His plan is that once I become pregnant, perhaps within the first or second month, he will come and pay my bride price. We would first have the traditional marriage ceremony and later complete the legal marriage process at the court.

I am the first child in my family and come from a financially struggling background. 

At the moment, I earn about GH₵1,000 a month, while my boyfriend earns approximately GH₵4,000. He has offered to give me GH₵20,000 to start a business, but I honestly do not know what business to start. 

This uncertainty makes it difficult for me to make a decision based solely on his financial support.

I am worried because I love him and understand that he wants us to build a family together. I am, therefore struggling to decide whether I should agree to his plans now or wait until both of us are financially stable.

 Nuru, Tamale.

Dear Nuru,

If I were to advise you as a younger sister, I would tell you not to deliberately become pregnant now. 

Not because your boyfriend is necessarily a bad person, and not because having children is wrong, but because you have several major things that are not yet settled.

Secondly, premarital sex is unacceptable in the Christian setting.

Marriage should not be something that happens because you became pregnant. 

Your boyfriend is asking you to make a decision that could affect your entire life, yet the alternative you are considering is waiting until you complete school or land yourself a good job. 

If he genuinely loves you and wants to build a life with you, he should be able to understand why this short waiting period matters to you.

You could even spend the next few months researching businesses, learning a skill or developing a small business idea while waiting for the recruitment results.

In your situation, I would choose to wait rather than deliberately become pregnant now, because marriage is not a child’s play.

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My wife owns a three-bedroom house in Accra, in a very good and convenient location. However, despite owning the house, we currently live in a one-bedroom apartment where our three children have to sleep in the hall.

After my wife won a legal case concerning the house, I assumed that we would move into it as a family. She explained that some repair works needed to be done before we could move in. I accepted this because I knew the house needed some renovation.

I later realised my wife has given out the space to a cousin. I feel that this decision should have been discussed with me, particularly because it directly affects our family’s living conditions. At the same time, I do not want this situation to turn into a fight about ownership or create unnecessary tension in our marriage.

How should I approach my wife about the situation, and what would be a fair solution for both of us and our children?

Apenteng, Kyebi

Dear Apenteng,

Your wife legally owning the house does not automatically mean that she must use it as a family home. It is reasonable for you to ask why the possibility of moving into the house was not discussed with before it was given to someone else.

I would suggest you have a good conversation with her rather that confronting her with anger.

Better still you can also try as much as possible and get a space and move out with your family if the space is not enough.

I don’t see why you are relying solely on your wife’s property.