Obaa Yaa
My husband is not affectionate
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 25-year-old woman and have been married for two years. Since I gave birth to our second child, I have noticed a painful change in my husband. He no longer shows me affection the way he used to. Instead, he’s been openly flirting with a younger girl in our area, and it is breaking my heart.
Some of my friends say it is because I have gained weight after having two children. They even suggest I stop breastfeeding my three-month-old baby, claiming it will make my breasts sag and make me look less attractive.
I am devastated. I love my children and want to care for them fully, but I also want to save my marriage. Is it true that my body changes are the reason he is drifting away? Or is there something deeper going on? I am confused, hurt, and unsure of what to do next.
— Chelsea, Dansoman
Dear Chelsea,
Breasts are for nurturing, not for judgment. Your body has done something beautiful by giving life; that is not a flaw. The advice to stop breastfeeding to “look better” is harmful and unnecessary. Your child’s health and wellbeing come first.
Your husband’s behaviour reflects his own choices, not your worth. If he is drifting, the answer is not for you to shrink yourself or sacrifice your wellbeing. You are still worthy of love, respect, and care just as you are.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
MY fiancé is a journalist with one of the reputable media houses in Ghana.
Plans are far advanced for us to tie the knot but my worry is that he’s always busy and comes home late every evening when I am in bed.
By the nature of his work and schedule, as soon as he comes home, he takes his bath and supper. The next thing is to sleep without spending time with me.
He has no holiday. On Sundays, he goes again to work after church service. I am beginning to entertain some fears that things will get worse when we get married.
I am the type who like to be pampered but my fiancé is not pampering me.
Please advise me to make an informed decision before it becomes too late.
Paulina,
Dodowa.
Dear Paulina,
THERE are no specified working hours for journalists. In short, they are always on the move.
That is why it appears they cannot be good husbands.
And if you want a man who will be at home and pamper you, then a journalist might not suit that purpose, unless he is on leave.
However, I wouldn’t discourage you. Journalists are very interesting people who learn a lot and can help you to widen your outlook.
Don’t look at the romantic aspect of it only; consider the future of the relationship, your self-development and the future of your children. I wish you all the best.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a Christian sister who believe in the biblical code of modest dressing as a mark of a true Christian.
My dress is always the long type, covering my knees.
My boss addressed me yesterday that such dressing was not needed in the company, particularly as a Personal Assistant.
He says my dresses should be office mini type to show my legs to attract a lot of customers since we are in the business of selling.
Obaa Yaa, I am confused about my boss’s demand as this will affect my Christian principle of decent and modest Christian dressing.
Please advise me.
Emefa,
Sogakope.
Dear Emefa,
Normally, Personal Assistants are generally expected to be smart in skirt and top of the same material or white top and blue- black skirt.
Unusually long dresses or skirts do not make Personal Assistant look smart, so employers will normally require that very long dresses are not worn by their PAs.
You could get skirts that are long enough to cover your knees so that your thighs are not exposed. You can look decent in that and do your job.
However, if your particular church does not allow the exposure of even your legs, then the only option is to resign and get another job where your kind of dressing will be tolerated.
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