Obaa Yaa
My wife is untidy
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My wife is the only woman I have lived with that is making things difficult for me.
Growing up, I have lived with my mother, aunties and sisters and they were never untidy when it comes to keeping the home.
We currently have two children, who are four and two years old. The children keep themselves busy without much trouble yet my wife cannot keep our house neat.
When I travel for days, I come home to meet dishes left in the sink and an untidy environment.
She would also leave dirty diapers in the hall or packed somewhere in the kitchen.
Clothes she had worn have taken over the chairs and even the bed. You will see wigs lying on the center table and brassier hanging on the sofa.
Anytime I raise concerns about her attitude, she tells me she would put a stop to it.
Every weekend turns into a marathon of cleaning, washing and scrubbing because my wife will not do it.
After six years of marriage I am exhausted and honestly part of me feels like walking away or renting a new place for myself .
Amponsah, Madina
Dear Amponsah,
IT is rather unfortunate things are happening this way in your home. In my opinion, you can assist your wife with the cleaning of the home after you have closed from work.
If that is impossible, you can employ a house or a nanny to assist your wife in cleaning.
Handling children can be stressful especially when they are not teenagers.
It will surprise you, she might be going through something and finding it difficult to address it.
Find time and communicate with her on how you want things to be done. You can also help by assisting her with some of the house chores.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We live on a compound with five flats, and I am struggling with the looks I get from my neighbours every morning. The way they stare at me feels so horrible.
My husband moans so loud during sex, and this happens almost every day. I always try to cover up but he always finds a way to keep making noise. He screams my name very loudly.
We have not yet completed our own house, and it will not be happening anytime soon. Please, how do I get him to stop all this excessive moans? I am so ashamed to move around the compound. The worst part is that my compound neighbours always see me when I am coming in or going out. Sometimes they avoid me and give me some looks, gossiping about me. Obaa Yaa, what should I do?
Adzo, Keta.
Dear Adzo,
What you are experiencing is quite embarrassing and emotionally painful.
Your feelings are completely valid. You are not doing anything wrong, immoral, or indecent.
The situation continues not because of your actions, but because your husband is ignoring your repeated pleas for privacy and dignity.
A loving and considerate spouse does not trivialise such distress. You need to have one final, calm but firm conversation with him outside the bedroom, making it clear that this behaviour of his is hurting you and must stop.
At the same time, set a clear boundary: if the noise continues, you will not feel comfortable being intimate with him when others can hear.
This is not punishment; it is self-protection. You can also reduce exposure temporarily by closing windows, adding background music, and choosing more private times.
Hold your head up and remember you have done nothing disgraceful. If your husband still refuses to change, seek marital counselling or a trusted mediator he respects. You deserve privacy, respect, and emotional safety in your marriage.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 23 year old lady, a national service person, who have just been posted to a remote town in the Northern Region to serve as a supervisor for a health facility.
After a very long and tiring search, I got a room to rent at an affordable price. My landlord is a male, and for some time now, he has been coming over without my invitation.
He comes at odd times and very late in the evenings, with the excuse of checking on me. Sometimes, I could just be in my room; the door opens and there he is. I am so uncomfortable with this situation and I wish he could stop, but I do not know how to tell him.
I fear he might become offended. I don’t feel safe in my own space since I stepped foot into the compound. I need some privacy!
Juanita, Tamale.
Dear Juanita,
I can feel your discomfort and concern. It’s understandable that you’re feeling vulnerable in this situation. Your safety and privacy are important, and you have every right to set boundaries.
It is very essential to communicate your concerns clearly and respectfully to your landlord.
Consider writing a polite but firm note or having a calm conversation with your landlord, explaining how you appreciate his concern, but you’d prefer it if he could stop to inform you before visiting.
Remember, your safety and comfort are paramount. If you feel that the situation is becoming too much or you don’t feel safe, don’t hesitate to reach out to authorities or organisations to provide assistance.
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